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The 5 Dos and Dont’s of Commitment

Posted on 06/09/2011 in Dating Tips by hwadan

 

The 5 Dos and Dont’s of Commitment

 

By Rori Raye

Author of best-selling eBook Have The Relationship You Want and free newsletter
 
While an initial spark is all it takes for a man to ask you out and crave you sexually, there needs to be something more for him to want to commit to you exclusively.  He needs to feel that he can’t wait to make you his and that he can’t stand the thought of you being with anyone else.
 
Rather than having “the talk” or giving him ultimatums, wouldn’t it be great if you could create that feeling so that he is the one asking you for a commitment?  You can if you practice these simple steps:

1. DON’T keep bringing up the “commitment” discussion.


When you feel anxious or worried about where your relationship is headed, it's hard to resist wanting to know what he’s thinking.
 
But constantly trying to talk with him about commitment feels stressful to him and will only make him dig in his heels and retreat – even if he was on the verge of committing all on his own. So, no matter how much you’re dying to know what he’s thinking, resist the temptation to bring up this tender topic.

2. DON’T try convincing him


The more you try to make a case for how great you are as a couple, the more he feels cornered and manipulated. Your reasoning feels like criticism to him and makes him unable to share his true feelings.  That’s certainly not the vibe you want to create in a loving relationship.
 
A man falls in love when he feels like he can make you happy by being himself and sharing the deepest parts of who he is. By rejecting those parts, you make him feel wrong and cause him to protect his true feelings – and his heart – from connecting with yours.

3. DO share your good feelings


When you feel good with a man, let him know! By opening up and sharing your feelings, you allow him to connect to you and the positive experience you are sharing. It makes him feel good that he makes you feel good, and he'll want more of that good stuff.
 
As you continue to lay a stronger foundation of positive feelings, it’s only natural that he will see you as a necessary and beautiful part of his life – and he’ll want to make sure you stay in it.

4. DO say what you want – with or without him


Instead of trying to convince him to commit , share your dreams and what you want for your future. For example: "I don't want to put pressure on the relationship. I don't want to try to convince you, or rush you. It feels good to be with you, but I know I want to have a family someday. What do you think?"
 
When he sees that you are first and foremost committed to yourself and your dreams, he will feel fired up about you. He will appreciate you as having high value and therefore be triggered to want you all to himself.

5. DO keep your options open 


Dating is a time for you to find out what you really want in a relationship.  You can’t do this if you close yourself off to other men before you have the commitment you desire.  By meeting lots of people, you open yourself up to discovering a truly great match.  You also avoid making any one man the center of your world.  Remember, your first commitment is always to you!
 
As you can see, the key to making a man want you all to himself is to be the woman who loves him but doesn’t need him.  When he senses that he’s very lucky to have you, he’ll be motivated to seal the deal before another guy gets in there first.
 
 
Commitment is a different emotional process for men than it is for women. To learn how men decide whether or not a woman is “the one”, subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter .  Rori will teach you specific words and body language you can use that will inspire a man to want to create a lasting relationship with you.

 

 

27 comments

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  • preiity wrote on 06/27/2011
    Enjoyed reading this. Very helpful.
  • DaGirl wrote on 07/11/2011
    beautiful! I learnt greatly from this, though i hurt from a breakup now, i sure will paste this on walls till i can recite by heart b4 d next guy comes. Thx
  • powderpuff2364 wrote on 08/20/2011
    Does Rori REALLY expect women to follow their advice? From EXPERIENCE, I can say, beyond a doubt, that women LOVE, they just LOVE, to impose the "ultimatum" on men. Take my own ex, for example: When she told me, at the start, that she expected me to have NO other women, in my life, while I was with her, I THOUGHT she meant "No BED-hopping" What I, soon, learned, and what broke us up, was when the lady DEFINED what she meant, a month later. She meant: NO interraction, with FEMALE doctors, nurses, cashiers, salepeople, lawyers, etc. When I reminded the woman that women make up atleast 50% of the modern work-force, my lady said: Then, you dont WANT me! If you did, you would avoid other women. This is how women actually are. Oh, and lets also NOT forget the lines, that women LOVE to use, to humiliate men: A man asks a woman, for a date, and she responds: Youre NOT a man! You dont DESERVE a womam! (Shouted, ofcourse). Or, there is another favorite: Ask for a date and the woman spouts: Tell me E-X-A-C-T-L-Y why you want to go out, with me. Right NOW!!! THIS is the way women really are, and how they LOVE to act.
  • PrincessReiko wrote on 08/20/2011
    I'm sorry, I know for a fact I'm not like that. I try to not bring up commitment but after 2 years If It's not headed that way, then the relationship is a dead end.
  • Kriss_123 wrote on 08/21/2011
    Indeed very informative !
  • metabaron wrote on 08/21/2011
    I like the 5th - it's basically how most women (and men) are these days. If you are sleeping with 5 other men and comparing me to them, then I don't want you. You have to concentrate on one person at a time. I know I am rare in these parts, because the quality men and women will not date multiple guys/girls at the same time.
  • nephertarie wrote on 08/21/2011
    i understand that completely now so i do understand what i have been doing wrong in any relationship... i have been fixing how i relate to men and what i want out of life.. thank you for the read..its been very helpful nephertarie
  • manisweet wrote on 08/22/2011
    Really g8 to read this i dnt knw how many true people wil follow this i recommend this for who ever nice woman having gud feelings.
  • datura19 wrote on 08/22/2011
    So obviously written by a woman. Not a massively clued up one either considering she is published for this. Some of this is so the wrong way to deal with men...
  • Lyc wrote on 08/22/2011
    You know Rori I always do the same thing like you have written here but sometimes man are crazy. I love him so much and he is alone in my heart but then he cheated me and there is a third parties. Even I did love him and I always humble to him but if the man was an attitude to cheat a woman or don't know how to handle the right relationship well, relationship goes wrong ended. Just put here lots of advice mostly for a men because women are pity after all.
  • sonnylovestosayhi wrote on 08/23/2011
    make sense to keep all options open specially in the beginning. nice rules to keep in mind. sonny
  • zionrising2007 wrote on 09/02/2011
    Very good advice...
  • intoxicated wrote on 09/05/2011
    yes women , stop pressuring me ! arg !
  • nobuddyspecial wrote on 09/09/2011
    I wonder why this seams to describe me as a man. I absolutely can not stand it when a man pressures me to commit. I am not talking that I sleep around. I don't. But why do men want a woman to say that they r the one forever when you only have meet them a couple of times? Drives me crazy. Giving my heart away fast is just nuts. I never understood women that do that and then wonder why they are hurt.
  • somnachi wrote on 09/15/2011
    Clearly Rori's Dos and Dont's Have been a great success. Having Several dates throw me open to so many choices and options. I built strong relationships and i have never looked back regretting.
  • boldporn wrote on 09/21/2011
    nort trying to sound like that person, but a woman do know best when it comes to commitment
  • starz2011 wrote on 10/02/2011
    Good point!
  • babygirluandme wrote on 10/17/2011
    This is to powderpuff2364, it's not fair at all to put all women in the same boat, we are not all like that, you may thinks so buy maybe you have only been on one date or are only attracted to women like that, I was actually really offended when I read what you wrote, you are the one that sounds crazy. I am a very independent minded woman, who would never do that, with your attitude you will never find a woman. Actually you sound like the one that may be the one that puts up the ultimatums. And are very angry. I wonder if any other women have picked up on your attitude. You need to go to counseling for your issues with woman. I am a woman who can compliment another woman and say you are very pretty, or you look really good today and no I am not a lesbian either. Now I am going to go and subscribe to Rori's free e-newsletter. Have a great day everyone.
  • youngtite20 wrote on 11/10/2011
    Hey guys 20 yr old white male from tullsa area. im a virgin ive never been wit a guy in anyway but ive been thinkn bout it lately n i dnt get in this mood very often but i am in the mood today lol if there r any older guys that wanna hang out with me later just message me n ill take it from there
  • redrubberball wrote on 12/29/2011
    The description of a woman in reference to dating has changed from Brains & Beauty to Brains,Beauty and the X Factor. She must define what her X Factor is all about and use it on a man before he knows what's happening. Surprises are a woman's best friend!
  • Magpet wrote on 01/02/2012
    Am bored here,i need someone to talk to me.
  • Midwestgalatheart wrote on 01/04/2012
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  • cyclinglegs wrote on 01/05/2012
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  • forevernice2723 wrote on 02/08/2012
    Its so hard to undersand men most times, and I'ts difficult to trust most of them, everything goes good at first, then you don't know who is playing games or not. Just don't fall in love so quickly with anyone again, then you get hurt quicker than you expect. I've learnt a lot from Rori and praying a lot too, which is stronger.
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