probably. I like occasional disagreements. I dont want a carbon copy of me, or a lemming.

I dont face those women so I dont relate. I didnt say they dont exist. I just said its about low character and drama. If thats what makes you happy, then nothing I say should matter to you.

no. Intimate encounters are a fine choice for any two consenting adults. When you pull adultery into it, then you are just talking about poor character and drama. no.

When you quote the advice that amounts to 'how to not get rejected by hot women' and decide to change yourself as a result, you are reducing them to a formula. ...and subjecting yourself to the experiment too I reckon.

the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain neutrality in a time of moral crisis.
dante

I think any time a person reduces their potential partner to a formula and changes themself in order to snare them, they are not interested in a real relationship. Just lookin for an easy lay. If you cant see people as individuals, then you will probably just become angry when they they don't fall in line with your experiments expected results.

You will probably also blame them if they decide they cant trust you.

I would continue being who you are, as long as you don't mean you smother people, and break up with the ones who make you unhappy as quickly as possible. You'll get better at recognizing it more quickly as time goes on. Its hard to find a giver. Its worth it when you do tho, so don't screw it up. Reciprocation is indeed important and you are right to expect it. Keep an eye out for different versions of reciprocal gestures, maybe. I wonder if sometimes we just didn't realize that they were doing that without being noticed.

I agree with Dodo. There are men and women who are looking to simply use other people.

It may not be that YOU are attracting the wrong men so much as the wrong men are more aggressive and deceitful. Same can be said of women like that. You just have to keep you eyes open for signs of lies etc.

Its easy for them to be more aggressive because they don't have any emotional investment in you, and don't suffer from rejection as a result, if all they want is to play you...get you in bed, take you for a financial ride...etc.

I expect chemistry, kindness, honesty, respect.

Since the last two cant really be determined immediately, that means I expect only chemistry and kindness initially.

I admit however that I will go out a few times if I don't feel chemistry at first hoping it will develop. If it doesn't, I break it off asap. So initially, I require only kindness.

Oh, that's an interesting spin...sure, since I think chemistry can grow stronger. Ive had relationships that had more respect from the partner than others, and ones with more passion than others, but ultimately I value the respect side more than the passion side.

I want deep lifelong friendship, so if there is any chemistry and the friendship develops then the deeper attraction will follow.

I wouldn't date someone I didn't have chemistry with. Is that what you meant?

Not sure I follow you. If I liked how a relationship felt, I think Id still be in it.

not consciously but I do have very basic non negotiables. I try to stay flexible on other stuff like mere preferences.

maaaaaaybe if the friend and her ex were extremely amicable. maaaybe.

er.....awkward. I think I can not find any such condition.

watch movies on a laptop if possible. listen to music.
read magazines or books.

yes I don't trust folks who think they aren't.

oops, I didn't read the alternaperspectives. k, nutvariants I trust.

Oh, hay, speaking of night in shining armor stuff...I was watching American pickers last night, which is a rare thing, ...anyhoo, the guy had an ancient samurai warrior costume/uniform. Looked just like Darth vader. just thought it was neat.

Yep, Ive dated folks who were not interested in talking unless it was meaningless time killing phone convos with no actual substance.

You just have to keep learning what you want from a partner and pick that type of person.

Unfortunately, that means, as you learn, the pool gets smaller and smaller.

profile says 'intimate encounter' btw.

no hating here. just trina figure out the truth. seemed pretty murky. I was actually giving a legitimate suggestion.

If that's the case, then I wonder that you have time for distractions at all.