Community > Posts By > TMommy

 
TMommy's photo
Sun 08/13/17 05:57 AM

I have been guilty of this.
I do snap out of it.
They are totally the opposite. Ex was the wrong match and shouldn't have happened. Where the new one is more like me out going, enjoys life and likes to do things in his spare time.


it is not that I compare them

more like I kick into autopilot b*tch from hell..at times


I do realize that I have certain behaviors
and reactions that kick in...

a kind of conditioning that has happened
from the twenty years of being with him
anytime I even suspect someone of treating me
the way he did? I tend to attack
and walk away

TMommy's photo
Fri 08/11/17 08:05 PM
that is a single guy problem..


ok single girl problem

I have one of those little stickers on my car
that they put on every time ya get an oil change
I have the tendency to ignore it
and when I do finally look at it
and read the recommended mileage
for my next oil change?

uhhhhm ya I am always a tad bit over surprised

TMommy's photo
Fri 08/11/17 11:01 AM

TMommy's photo
Fri 08/11/17 07:31 AM
think this is something that just takes getting used to
especially if you were with someone else for a substantial amount of time
you always thought of yourself as a a couple
as a we instead of just a me

but when you think back...you were you
long before this person came into your life
you were you
the entire time you were together
and you are you still


TMommy's photo
Fri 08/11/17 07:19 AM
great now I am thinking about Cat scans..

TMommy's photo
Fri 08/11/17 07:17 AM
uh huh sooooo fascinating bigsmile

TMommy's photo
Wed 08/09/17 06:00 AM
at the moment? drinking coffee in my livingroom why you ask?

TMommy's photo
Mon 08/07/17 09:09 PM

Strange day..it's my birthday,..one dear friend got married and another dear friend died this morning..mixed feelings for sure..still a beautiful day..a constant reminder of how life is full of good and bad things..yet life goes onflowerforyou
Happy Birthday

one beginning, one ending ( depending on your beliefs)
and you in the middle somewhere
I hope you take the time to celebrate you
if not today
then in the days to come

oh and I know this feeling
my brother died on my birthday

TMommy's photo
Mon 08/07/17 04:29 PM
4 easy payments of 99.95 ...

TMommy's photo
Mon 08/07/17 04:27 PM
ya ok lemme just put in my two cent's worth on this one

first of all

what kind of women you messaging?
someone that could be your daughter's age
if you had one?

well guess what..not every young woman wants to talk to a man that is your age and in fact, might find you kind of creepy

there are sites that do cater specifically to finding a young woman from a foreign country to bring to the states

you may have better luck on one of those

TMommy's photo
Mon 08/07/17 06:43 AM
Good Morning
wish you very best on finding what you are searching for
may I suggest something?
you are too far away from the camera in that pic
maybe take one closer up
of course you did say
you were looking for a friend only
so up to you happy

TMommy's photo
Sun 08/06/17 08:12 AM
Recent research led by a team at the University College London think they have uncovered just how long (on average) it takes for something to become habitual. They do not think it takes 21 days to form a habit. They believe it takes an average of 66 days to create a habit.

just some snidebit I snagged off google

though I suspect for something new to become a habit
actually take much longer

ask yourself
" is what I am doing getting me closer to or further from my goals"

mmmm..great many that realize where they would like to be
but yet continue to choose to be right where they are

TMommy's photo
Sun 08/06/17 06:38 AM
my god...just how long you two been talking to each other like that?
you in public for crying out loud

been treating each other like crap for so long now
you have forgotten how to say anything else

TMommy's photo
Sat 08/05/17 10:59 AM
well what in the hell

do people ever readnoway

TMommy's photo
Sat 08/05/17 09:08 AM

The larger idea about people changing in fundamental ways, has fascinated me for decades.

Something that makes it tricky to tell if it has even happened, is that it's often hard to tell the difference between a change of METHOD, and an actual change of MIND.

I've found that a lot of the time, the people who have seemed to change the most, have actually changed the least. Like a left wing fanatic who switches and becomes a right wing fanatic, thus revealing that what they actually were all along, was only one thing: someone who feels the need to tell everyone else how to live.

I've known druggies and drinkers who one day declared they had an epiphany about it all, and turned into rabid anti-intoxicants fanatics, for example. They didn't actually change at all. They just went from getting a kick out of being drunk or high, to getting a kick out of feeling self-righteous.

actually I think I see where you are getting at..addictive personalities

I have a cousin
did I mention substance abuse runs in the family? huh

anyways she was pretty heavy into drugs in her youth
then drinking in her twenties and thirties
pretty sure most of that past in a daze
then on her third marriage
she decided to quit the booze ( to her credit)
however, I have since witnessed her go gung-ho into religion
quoted scripture all over facebook
do not get me wrong
I am not against anyone finding God
but it is the energy, the zeal..going overboard
more, more, more, more..I see in her that has not changed

TMommy's photo
Sat 08/05/17 09:03 AM

God bless? Remind me, who was it who turned the water into wine? grumble laugh
do not ridicule Lu
not in my thread buster

TMommy's photo
Sat 08/05/17 09:03 AM


imagine how many theoretical view points I have studied by now
from Freud to Jung to Erikson, Piaget, Carl Rogers, Skinner

Rational emotive
Gestalt
CBT
Behavioral
Solution Focused
System
Choice/Reality
psychoanalytic
Adlerian
Transactional Analysis


not sure if it's a lacking somewhere in my education..
but none specifically deal with this concept of change
but who knows..I am taking an addictions class this fall for an elective
maybe I will learn something new happy
if you have the time .. google change agent or change theories .. when I was training I had to do a major assignment working with a patient to make a health related change . It was very interesting when you compare their behaviours .. how those behaviours developed and what is needed to bring about change .. not everyone will have a successful outcome .

I am sure you will be looking forward to getting away from the study and practicing .. but you know the study never goes away .. right .. professional development and proving competence is ongoing .. welcome to the world of health biggrin
thank you I will look into this

TMommy's photo
Sat 08/05/17 06:40 AM
Edited by TMommy on Sat 08/05/17 06:47 AM
uh huh...but yet we all know those couples that are our age
been married forever
got married young
and they are so in love still
it sickens ya to be around em..hahaa

they did not know anymore than you and I did when walking down the aisle

young and dumb baby and broke
they liked each other cause .." he's hot"
"she's hot" and " I dig her smile" " his blue eyes make me melt"

pretty much it..and they are still digging on each other

I would suggest that they made it and are still going strong

because they both learned how to do it along the way
how to co-exist with another human being
how to communicate
show affection
be supportive

they're a plenty of people still love each other in divorce court
who didn't learn it...



I used to gripe all the time..back when I was married
that everytime we went somewhere, parked the car
my then husband would be out the car like a rocket
and walking across the parking lot fifteen feet in front of me
by time I closed my car door
man on a mission
then there I was walking into the store alone..
so I communicated with him on numerous occasions
how nice it would be if he walked beside me
maybe talked to me

one day I pointed out a nice older couple that were walking side by side
engrossed in conversation and holding hands
I said " see honey that is what I am talking about"
he glanced over at them and said
" ya well...bet they haven't been married as long as we have...probably having an affair"

TMommy's photo
Sat 08/05/17 05:59 AM
that is lazy
that all buttons you pushed and she pushed are still there
if it did not work out before why would it now
that it is settling

TMommy's photo
Sat 08/05/17 05:55 AM
woowee there are some smart boogerbutts on this site..hahaa ya know I love ya and appreciate the input

I will read and contemplate
uh after my coffee kicks in drinker