I suspect that most here are single, but will nevertheless recall being in a relationship and perhaps wondering 'Does she / he love me as much as I love her / him?' In some relationships we regularly witness one partner abusing the other and maybe wonder 'Is the abuser taking advantage of the other's deeper caring?' I regularly witnessed such within my parents' relationship.

Has anyone been so very deeply in love, and discovered that possibly rare thing namely a partner who loves just as deeply?

Possibly it happens a lot, and I have been unlucky? One can't help but wonder what the 'norm' is in the romance stakes.

It may sound like a strange or silly question, but honestly the older I get the more I wonder exactly what love is within the context of romantic relationships.

Sometimes in most of our lives we feel the need to be in love, and once that feeling hits us we can be both silly and vulnerable - perhaps watch a romantic film and seemingly fall in love with the leading actress or actor (often long since died); fall in love with a dating site correspondent whom we've also never met; or meet someone in the flesh and 'fall in love'long before we have really got to know them.

Conversely for other folk 'falling in love' appears to be a slow healthy process developed over time with trust and friendship and a great track history to the fore.

Either scenario is arguably 'genuine love,' yet both are so very different.

I love my children and could hopefully forgive anything they did which wronged me. That kind of love, for me at least, has an element of permanancy. Alas I have no such track record in the romance department, no such permanancy. So is romantic love by its very nature hollow?

We all need various things from a relationship. Some people settle for a partner whom they have developed love and respect for over a period of time, and perhaps say make love once or twice a week.

Other people possibly rip their partner's clothes off each night and have an amazing time doing so, but then spend the rest of their time fighting and disliking each other.

Ideally love would be a blend of both scenarios but how often is it?

What does 'love' mean for you?

Much longer now that I'm single.

I'm addicted to family and romance dramas and tend to repeatedly play Danielle Steel's dvds. Particularly ' Fine Things,' 'Mixed Blessings,' and 'Changes.' I know most of her film scripts word for word. I like to know what is coming next.

I guess that it's a substitute for romance?

I know that I'm a sad case and need help.

"What is a foreigner doing writing about Walmart? You don't even have Walmart!"

True, well sort of - but no.

Let me explain:

I have made quite a few trips to the U.S.A. and invariably create a stir at U.S.A. baggage search (or whatever it is officially named), first because I may be only visiting for say three days, I'm not there on business, claim to be competing as an international sportsman, am over sixty years of age, and my suitcase is three quarters full of food products! What's he baked into them?

What's HIS problem?

ANSWER: Walmart.

Wherever I find myself in the U.S.A. I end up sourcing food / drinks from Walmart (there being little else available) and it's open in the middle of the night, after competing and rest.

Heavens preserve! How do any Americans remain slim and healthy?!

Yes, I confess to being a vegan and difficult in that respect but even normally animal free foods are not so in the U.S.A., and invariably packed with completely unnecessary calories.

I could make a list pages long but cite but two examples - bread and baked beans. Nearly all loaded with milk! Yes, I do know that Walmart occasionally stock milk free unleavened bread. Sometimes. What's milk doing in with baked beans?

Soya based products are virtually zero, and any philosophy of creating a slim fit health U.S.A. non existant.

I love the U.S.A. (bar Vegas) but eating there it's either (1) Get a house there and find suppliers which tourists invariably never find, (2) Get fat, or (like me) (3) Always be hungry and lose a pile of weight.

Walmart, you need to brighten up your ideas and possibly hire a nutrition counsellor.

I personally love 'tumbling verse,' and the concept of this work is beautiful. But for tumbling verse it's arguably verbose. Remove possibly half of the words, and tweak, and its impact will be enhanced many times over. For example,

tears
fall down
-heaven's tears

Just my own view. Hopefully helpful and constructive? Great poetry leaves the reader easily ably to interpret and insert his / her own missing words and emotions.

P.S. I love your avatar. I'll take a look at your profile. Poets of all ages / both sexes always interest me, on an intellectual level at least. Keep writing! (Writing is easy, but polishing often long and painful).

Single men can and often do receive communications from ladies based overseas, the paper relationship can escalate quickly, and very soon money is requested for air tickets, hospital expenses or whatever.

The women can me much younger and very beautiful and the men naturally feel flattered and perhaps even experience deep emotional feelings.

Often the advertised profiles are totally made up, and you could well be actually be corresponding with another man!

This fraud is massive and worldwide but a lot of it originates out of Africa. There are numerous internet articles setting out what to look for and how to be on your guard. So I won't go into that here.

On the other hand I guess that the majority of advertisers are genuine.

I'm simply making the point that once you are asked for money please make diligent checks including requesting a copy of your suitor's passport.

After joining this site I was very quickly asked for money. Maybe she was genuine, but I didn't stay around to find out.

Ladies by all means continue to approach overseas men (if they are open to such) but please be prepared to fund your own lives.

So many women who place their profiles on this forum are clearly yoga devotees and have themselves photographed either standing on their wall or ceiling.

This not only intimidates far less flexible men like myself but can (as has) caused a severe kneck creak.

I spoke with both my doctor and psychiatrist about this. The latter expressed the view that they were not yoga devotees but simply careless women who perhaps also put their panties on inside out and cleaned their teeth with the wrong end of the brush.

Any which way my kneck really hurts.

CrystalFairy, Points well made and accepted.

How a woman looks on the outside is important to most women, as - rightly or wrongly - the world grooms them to place appearance extremely highly. It naturally follows that ladies like feedback as to how they look. I personally worry for someone who does it on a public forum, but I salute the bravery.

All of our life experiences are limited, and sometimes we don't learn the right lessons. Yet, one of my own observations is that attractive women tend to be very picky about how they look and almost invariably very self-critical. Much more so then those not so blessed in physical experience.

I don't believe in scoring physical appearance, particularly as much of it is emotive. For example, and not referring to this lady, I don't like giant bottoms, yet in one culture such is a thing of great beauty. Both are valid views.

Whilst my own photos are extremely unlikely to attract any female, if I go to a party I quickly have some woman latch onto me. Electricity, humour, and a whole host of things can often outweigh physical attributes. I think that such works both ways. I like energy, intelligence, wit, sparkling eyes and overall fitness. Again things which often do not come over well in photographs.

Turning the subject slightly: When relationships fail one can often search for answers in the wrong places - is it how I looked, didn't I do the right things to make him / her happy etc?

Finally, on some level or other most of us are insecure. It's good to recognise that in others and try to boost their confidence. Being critical is perhaps not the best way to achieve this.

CrystalFairy: Every single thing that we experience has an effect on us on an emotional level. Nostalgia too. But I agree that everything has its place. Just like that beautiful necklace, on your beautiful kneck. Nostalia too is capable of strangling us, and choosing the right pin hole essential.

We married young - me 21, she 18, but we had dated for 4-5 years. I possibly looked older as I had been totally bald from an early age, and certainly she being small and pretty could have been mistaken for being slightly younger.

Somehow we got out of that caravan and bought a very rough terraced house in Luton, England. I was for ever covered in plaster and sawdust and she too had her own pair of stained overalls.

The unexpected knock on the door was a local lad of fifteen years who had parked his pushbike alongside our wall.

"Yes what is it," I quickly enquired as my plaster was going off.

"Excuse me mister, but I asked my dad what to do and he said that I should ask you if you minded me asking your daughter out on a date?"

"Oh I see. How old do you think she is?"

"Hmmm, about fifteen I think."

"And how old do you think I am then?"

Looked me up and down.

"About fifty five I guess."

(Hopefully I still look 'about fifty five').

Whilst it's nice to look back and try to remember pleasing things it's possibly better to seek something that works, and in the meantime be happy as being single frees us from so many responsibilities and partner expectations.

P.S. The three letter quiz beat me too. Does anyone run simple quizzes?

Pain is part of learning, learning is part of growing, growing is part of evolving the beautiful and complete you. I too am in pain and rejoice in the opportunity.

‘It is prohibited to engage in any activity in this visitors’ centre which may cause offence to other visitors. Anyone violating this rule will have their visit immediately terminated.’
(Sign situated outside of the Visitors’ Centre at Leicester Prison).

She did not appear perturbed by his laconic greeting –
a nod of the head as he formally sat opposite her:
Close, but distant enough to suggest that their relationship was formal.
Yet, their conversation appeared more personal,
albeit cold and detached.

As other couples touched, kissed, and expressed their affections
they inanimately chatted – civil, but without warmth.
They were both managers in serving industries:
Her uniform – black satin leggings and blue tunic,
outlining, but not advertising, a reasonable figure.
His uniform – prison issue striped shirt and stained jeans.

Barely left his teens, yet already considerably thin on top,
his sallow prison features bridged their twenty year age difference.
Any disparity evaporated within the time cell which had brought them together.

Half the allowed visiting time elapsed.
Their bodies clinically closed, their heads bowed onto the other’s shoulder.
He sat motionless as her hand pumped beneath his shirt tails
with increasing vigour.

In less than two minutes it was over.
They briefly laughed in situ, chatted for a few minutes, and then she was gone.
He walked away, still sallow but clearly more relaxed.



***
Apologies, text broken up when uploading. Italics lost etc. Shame. I won't post any more poems as they were created with love and deserve to be properly presented. The above poem is based on what
I witnessed when visiting a friend in prison.

© Wackford, 2008