1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16
work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans,
a copy of Guns &Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more
ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they
attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't
think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

OMG!!! That's just too good!!