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Where on earth have my feelings gone?

Replaced with numb,

dumb,

thoughts of emotion.

I hide myself behind a curtain of rain.

Hardened is my heart to the outside eye,

But inside Im soft like cotton

Thick skinned but thin organed, every word hurts.

And yet I let the wounder in again,

and again,

and again.

“I hate loving you”, she says, “And its your fault always”.

“Why cant you be the man that I thought you were?”

“You were never the woman you needed to be to have the man I am”, I tell her, but as usual it goes in one and out the other.

Im forever responsible.

I’ve tried every way possible but its NOT possible.

Nothing can fix this and and now Im afraid that, even if a miracle occurred,

I’d not believe.

Its too late.

I’ve told her never again. I will not take her back.

She runs with it, but keeps poking.

Texting, calling.

Little mean things to remind me that somewhere she is there and she has not forgotten.

She won’t let me forget.

She doesn’t WANT me to forget.

Control is and has always been her issue.

I’ve moved nine hours away from my son, to hide from her yet somehow she still knows.

I remember the glory days when things were bright and she was my sun.

Shining, glowing, I felt the heat of her passions and fell in Love.

“When did it happen?”, she asks me. “When did I fall in love with you?”

I tell her she never did. She cannot love.

She can only own.

I refuse to be owned.

I fight the hook. I’m determined that I will be the one that got away.

How many others has she done this too?

I’ve read the letters. I’ve seen their pain. The ones she said treated her so badly.

That caused her to be this way.

Their complaints are the same as mine….

Maybe they aren’t as bad as she claims. My whole world is in shambles.

What is there to believe from her?

Who is she? How can she say the things she says?

How can someone enjoy causing so much pain?

She hurts. She aches. She wants to cry but can’t.

She has begged me to help her. Some part of her knows what she does.

Borderline is what the therapists say, but never to her face.

No one ever says anything to her face.

They tell me, then suggest I run away.

I ran.

But I left something behind.

Where on earth have my feelings gone?

How can I return to the other side of rain?

Michelle!

Hey, still have my number? give me a call and tell me how youve been.

"I refuse to be owned."



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