yeah, maybe years ago, but i don't think there's a stigma attached to being gay any longer and people aren't hiding away behind some door in an attempt to be 'normal'.

besides, if they'd had a sexual relationship with me, doesn't that make them bi as opposed to gay or lesbian?

Yeh, thats wat i was thinkin....a gay man CANT hide it....therefore, if he manages to maintain, he must be bisexual.

there is indeed a difference and for all we know perhaps they do love back. some ppl however are not hiding from their sexuality and unfortunately still go along with the whole thing for whatever reasons. i do not believe ppl that are hiding from their sexuality are selfish as we have no idea what is going on or has gone on in their lives. personally i don't get it but thats just me. also i'm not sure they are robbing the other person of true happiness the other person may however be robbing themselves. relationships and sexuality are not always how they seem to outside parties. but each to their own i suppose.

I'm not sure the question was about the sexual act however i can assure u it is a lot easier for a man to 'perform' than one may think and this does not necessarily make one bi.

Well i honestly dont think there r that many ppl who will willingly marry a person that doesnt find them sexually attractive. They maybe can love, in a friends kind of way, but not in a romantic sexual way. This would lead me to assume (however rightly or wrongly) that most gay ppl who r in straight marriages r hiding their sexuality, or bisexual, hence a gay person is not being honest with the other person, and deluding them into thinking they love them romantically, when in fact, their love is prob more of a friendship love, thus robbing them of the chance to meet someone who does love them the way they deserve.

for me, there'd have to be some sexual aspect to the relationship before i were able to completely fall in love, whether it be the actual act, or a helluva lot of innuendo flirtations about it.

if a man were gay and leading me on in that way, i doubt i'd be able to maintain a friendship with him after - i don't stay friends with liars, whether they lie to me, to others, or to themselves.

many women in particular see this as a 'safe' option

what if the other party IS NOT leading u on? it happens.

Jmo...You can, love someone,without having sex with them.

then i believe the person is bisexual, not gay, as this question posed.

not at all,just because they can 'perform' does not make them bisexual. and what i actually meant was, what if they were not leading the person on but were upfront and still the other party wants to continue?

i suppose a woman could bring me to orgasm too if i allowed it to happen, but i think willingly participating in a sexual act with a woman makes me bisexual.

anyhow it's not really a debate about what constitutes being gay vs. bisexual, so sorry i deviated.

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however, i remain of the stance that i couldn't fall in love with someone unless it progressed to a physical and sexual attration/interst/event. if it were made known to be beforehand, there'd be no way at all i'd ever consider having a loving relationship with a gay man.

I bet it gets really crowded in that closet

agreed but that is u and it's the same for me however it's not the way for everyone is what i'm saying.