or she had pms pms and the woman not being in control of it or a man who does not want to take the time to learn the signs and be sensitive to it happening is a great factor on a lot of break ups

communication breakdown.. i believe is the main cause. remember when you were best friends? and could discuss anything, rather agreeing or not and still get along? then later on in the relationship one feels its not even worth bringing up? because of the communication breakdowns that occurred in between these times.

relationships seem to be so easy in the beginning when you are still friends. perhaps we lose the friends in each other?

marriages used to last a long time.. remember when people had 2 pairs of shoes? remember when the lawnmower got fixed? remember when there was a couple of "fast food" restaurants and it was a treat to go out to them and only went on rare occasions? remember when people had a car till the engine blew? remember when when clothes ripped they got sewn? remember when all lighters were butane lighters?how about tvs? remember when the tube blew the tv repairman came and fixed it?

society is in a throw away mode. everything is disposable. really rarely fix anything.. unfortunately a lot treat relationships like this as well.just as they do values and monetary things.

the majority of people throw away ripped clothes, buy a new tv or lawnmower when it breaks. eat out all the time don't eat at dinner tables and have family talk, a lot of times don't even eat at the same time,don't want to bother to take the time to learn to cook. want the pretty nice cars and always be new so get leases to trade in cars. use bic lighters and toss in garbage when they are worn out.

Did someone say 3some?

(I coulda swore I saw that)

I'm there!!!!

I love to share the love!!! Come let's do it!!
Then fix my dishwasher. Then go home!!!!

...there's a joke there, but I'm trying to remain a gentleman....

and i meant dine out
also my thoughts on what true love is.. kinda obvious to some..

a relationship to where you are best friends... always!
where communication is always welcomed
not something treated as disposable
where each other knows and understands you aren't exactly alike, and can accept that and be ok with it.
where you work together on common goals.
or you totally support each other on goals they want to achieve as a solo goal
having high regards and respect for one another
wanting to spend most of your free time together and enjoying to do so.
to be able to say sorry and really meaning it by your actions because u do care. when u realize your wrong or if you hurt the others feelings.
where there is NO ONE more attractive to you as a partner..

every post written here has merit and truth in it.

it seems most that men simply wish for a women to coddle them, to give sympathy, to love "them", which be the opposite of any true love?

if there is communication breakdown, then it is most that a women's voice is lost in the wish of a man to be sympathized with, to be understood, instead of seeking to understand?

there is no women, that can find true love, if she embrace a man when he request sympathy, or his wants and desires as more important that her's?

women just compromise to fast, fearing they shall be alone, or sexless, or without compaionship, but if a man can not see how each word a women speaks is true, than he hear"s not?

to hear, is but to see how words spoken are as true, as the brain can prove to "itself" anything it wish to be true?

is it that a man is suppsoed to love with no regard to his own feeling's, or frocing himself to not matter, for his own feeling to as not exist?

no, but it is as well a grand pretender, a fake, that say itself love's a women, and does not see this is to WANT to make ALL that is important to her as important to self?

environment teach men how to "fake" it, acting as if they are interested, as if they care, but there is no true caring, unless WHAT SHE ASPIRES TO, wants, needs, is not disputed with, for it is not meant for "two" to compromise, as in a man and a women, but only one, the man?

how can a man foll himself into thinking he love, which means you would die for this women, and at the same time, what she wants is not more important than what self want?

sure, death would be easier, the cowardice way out, for it is not to die for a women, but to live to back a women up, which no human man could ever do, if he dilude himself that he love her, when what she wants is not more important, far more important, than what he wants?

men that try to get a women to understand "their feelings", prove they see but their feeling's own as the bar of love, so love themself most, not a women!?

if a man love a women, he dosen't want you to cater to his feeling's, nor will ever ask you to have compassion on him, or want you to feel sorry for him, or use guilt against a women when she does not, for these are but boy's.

i have got so many great answers with this question, and i guess the best thing to do is talk with your parter and be sencentive to there needs and try real hard not to fight about small things just say sorry and kiss and make up for it,

DAMN ... ! That's a GREAT question ... now if I only had a great answer to go with it ...

Read an interesting article a while back about 8 stages a relationship goes through. Seems the author believes the healthy resolution of Stage 8 is what 'true love' is. Never gotten that far myself, must be a nice place to be...

"Beyond Stage 8: Life Happens

Life happens to a more mature, seasoned, happy and vibrant couple. You move together and separately through your life and know when you need to connect and when you need time apart. You know how to meet each other's needs and seek an increasingly deeper connection. Your relationship is the wellspring of love in your life."

I just googled the 8 steps a relationship goes through, and I think the author does a decent job summing-up, what I've been trying to put my finger on for at least 2 decades.

Most relationships fail because we jump in too fast with someone we have little compatibility with, and as soon as there's any hint of a power struggle, they're gone.

but I believe the real stumbling block for long term relationships is "Stage 5" The "Growth" phase. At this point one person or the other decides that being alone is preferable to tackling their personal issues head on, or perhaps they lack the skills necessary to accomplish personal growth.

"The stumbling block: Growth can be terrifying and confusing. You may know what you need to change in your behavior, but you may be afraid to make the changes. Or you may have no idea how to make the changes. The same thing may apply to your partner.

What to do: Find a way to grow — together and separately — on purpose. To keep your relationship vital, you both must mature and develop emotionally.

How do you grow on purpose, developing yourself emotionally?

Begin by looking at how you tend to sabotage relationships. Each one of us has our own way of sabotaging love, hurting the one we love and ending up alone. To have power over this part of yourself, discover exactly what it is and where it comes from. Both of you should take my Pattern Tracker eCourse to find out your patterns of sabotaging love, so that they no longer impact your relationship.

Once you discover what you do to impact your relationship, how do you continue to grow?

Check your communication. Can you read each other well? Do you know how to listen to each other, how to communicate so that love permeates your relationship? Chances are you do not have communication mastered. Most people do not. My Essential Couples Communication eCourse will show you how to become master communicators with each other.

What else do you need to do to grow on purpose, helping your relationship thrive?

Safeguard and grow your intimacy by eliminating the number one killer of intimacy and relationships – resentment. Take my Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship eCourse to learn to eliminate resentment from your relationship, growing more in love with each other as a result."

too often people get resentful,and act illogically,when all it would have taken,is an Honest decent conversation to set things straight.

Ummmm..gotta tell ya, in my past relationship at least...I'm not the one of the two who would have learned the most from your 'eCourse". Doubt it would have done me much good to take it alone. Resentment? Yeah, that is a relationship killer. Of course, my resentment didn't begin until the relationship was already experiencing it's death throws. Eh, ending that relationship was the best for me anyway. Damn shame it took 26 years for me to do that. But, hey, thanks for your thoughts and the suggestion.

I don't believe in love much less true love.

I think people go to fast in relationships they need to take the time to really get to know each other.

You're quite welcome LueLue,

I too usually find myself on the leading end of the growth
curve, so I can relate. I can pinpoint the problems,
but I only wish the solution was as easy as taking an e-course.

Resentment is definitely a relationship killer,
and a recurring theme in my relationships.

I tend to be attracted to wall flowers, so I end up playing
the part of the director, communicator, or cult leader,
depending on who you ask....

you see I apparently have the ability to talk certain women
into just about anything, and for a while they just love
going along for the ride, with a big strong man at the helm...
but before very long I start to hear about how
she now resents everything from my good
decision making skills to the way I communicate
(bluntly at times).

I admit and I've spent 20 years working on it).
But someone has to be the nagging ***** in the
relationship and apparently I fit that role,
better than most women.

At times I purposely let go of any control over a situation,
just because I know that's what I need to do in terms of my
own personal growth - like the time I let her paddle the canoe
and predictably, she paddled us strait into the shoreline,
and then there are the times when we end up not eating
dinner until 10PM, because I thought I would wait
for her to make a suggestion.

But here's what has really killed our relationship:

Foremost: It's her inability to speak up for herself,
but she also needs to spend time with her friends,
and do things on her own, that bring her happiness.
Stop looking to me for guidance, and taking everything
I say as if it's a personal attack meant to
steal your life-force! I never told you to give up your
social life, in fact I encourage it the best I could.

So it's a mix of things; communications problem,
self esteem problem, power struggle, and immaturity
to some extent.

I feel like I should as least take responsibility for
the power struggle, and my innate tendency to
over-communicate - since I'm a repeat offender -
and that means that in order to keep her I have
to let her go, although this seems counter intuitive,
and arouses my fears; fear of abandonment;
fear of being alone; and in some cases my
fear for her safety, and well-being.

In order to find true love again I need to know that
the person I plan to be with has the same desire
and ability to grow personally, as I have, and is
willing to hold on to what they have in order to
achieve that personal and spiritual growth.
By no means is this first date material :P

And It soon becomes clear why love really
could last a lifetime.

I know I'm guilty of rushing in too soon

"Easy come easy go", as they say

As always davidben there is much wisdom in your words...however there are a few men who do recognize the Divine Feminine and have a genuine desire to love a woman for her heart and who she is inside and the wanting of her happiness. These men are few and far between
yet they are there. The return of the Divine Feminine is confusing for many....men and women. The equality and balancing is coming...out with the old and in with the new. Those who understand this will find their partners, those who do not will continue to do the same thing over and over and find what they seek elusive and unattainable.
Always nice to read your posts..

for true love only and always exist, when her pain is always infinity more important than his own.

there cannot exist confusion, nor illusion, nor unknown, nor old, nor lacking in existence, when anything recognize the brain each itself is it's own most guide, it's own love, it's own god, it's own good, it's own bad, all determined by what one MOST WANT.

it is most profitable to solve matter's, to think wisely of what one really want to hear from itself, it's own mind, for the mind is the magic genie, but ask it a question, and it tell one what itself MOST wanted to hear.

if anything reduce all it's wants in a day, and a week, and a month, and year, and life, into just one MOST wish, or want, then anything can know how to create it into true existence.