My dad is very, very ill.
He has been for a long time.
He is holding on.
He falls daily.
Mostly while not making it to the restroom in time.
He is embarrassed.
He doesn't eat.
He won't sleep,
For fear he won't wake up.

How do I tell him, it's ok?

I know you are tired.
Dad. you did a GREAT job,
You don't have to worry.
It's ok to let go.

Warm Well wishes for you and your Dad GL

Thanks Journeyman236,

I asked how do I tell him?, but he knows, I think he wants someone else to say it.

That is one of the hardest things to do.My heart goes out to you.
Just tell him it is okay to go.And let him know he needs to rest.And that you will be fine!
Hard to do? yes.But that is the only way for him.He needs to know you all will be okay.Love him enough to tell him.
My prayers are with you and him.

Thanks wolfchic.

He knows..
Mine did when he got sick at 67 & was gone in 1 week.
I was 26.
I became a man that day & was on my own.
Maybe you have options like home health aids, nursing homes,
or life alert systems?
I wish you both the best through this difficult time

Thanks again Journeyman236

He is 76, I am 53.
We are using all options, nursing home he refused.
Like you said and I know. He knows.
I know he just needs a feeling that its ok.

As wolfchic said, just tell him. I had to do this exact thing just 3 years ago with my mom, it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I had to decide that for her pain to end, I had to do it. My heart was breaking. I told her we loved her and were going to miss her, but it was ok to go, that we would be ok. She nodded, and about a week later she was gone, but we stayed with her, and at the end when she stopped breathing I was holding her in my arms. She wasn't alone, and she knew that even though we were helping her pass on, we loved her and would miss her dearly.

It's hard, but just as they are trying to be brave and stay, we have to be brave and help them know it's ok to go.


Hugs and healing thoughts sent to you and your family.

I feel your pain. I took care of my Dad until he died. In the end he could not walk and I spoon fed him, bathed him, got him to the pot etc. (Now I am taking care of my mom.)

Put a potty chair next to the bed. You must give him the tools he needs to function and insist he use a walker or a wheelchair (or he can get injured seriously.)

It is hard for relatives to be care givers. I learned to be a nurse's aid and worked at it for three years, knowing I would be taking care of my parents eventually.


YOU HAVE TO FORGET ABOUT BEING A DAUGHTER SOMETIMES AND BE A CARE GIVER OR NURSE.

One day my Dad was being grumpy about his situation and his pain and his grumpiness manifests as anger. He had Alzheimer's too, and each day he would wake up a new person. He could not remember that he couldn't walk. He was being angry one day and I said to him, "I love you so much!" He said "What?" I repeated it.

He looked up at me and at that moment I could see his true soul behind his eyes and he said, "I know!"

Just love him in spite of his pain. He has earned the right to be grumpy. At least my Dad did.

a husband loves his wife, but a father's love for his children...

my two cents: don't worry about what you think he wants to hear, tell him exactly how you feel. i guarantee i guarantee what you say will come from your heart and the only regret you may have is what is left unsaid. godspeed, bulldog

(bulldog double guarantee - patent pending)

GLG,
I am so sorry about your Dad. My Dad was very sick with stomach cancer in 08 and he kept hanging on and we put him on Hospice. I could not tell him it was alright and take God's hand, so I asked my Mom to do it for all of us.
My Mom went to my Dad and told him this:
Don't worry about the kids and the grand kids, I will take care of them. Take God's hand and let him lead you to Heaven. We all love you and we will miss you BUT this isn't good-bye, we will see you again in Heaven. Thank you for being a good father, grand father and husband and friend. Now it is time for you to think of yourself and stop the pain. We love you Frankie and we will see you on the other side.
My Dad passed away with in 30 minutes, it broke my Mom's heart to say it to him but it was breaking out hearts to see him suffer. We all think he was waiting to hear that it was alright for him to go.
If you can not do it, have someone else do it that is close to you. My Mom did it because even though they were divorced, they were very good friends.
My thoughts and prayers are with you because I know this is breaking your heart. I know my heart still aches for my Dad BUT we will meet again someday. I think about him every single day and when people tell you the pain goes away...they are not telling you the truth, I am still feeling the pain and it will be 5 years on Dec. 31st.
God Bless you and your Dad

I'm in almost the same situation, Be honest tell him you love him, thank him for all he did for you, talk about the funny things you both shared, If your religious let him know you'll miss him whens he's gone, that you will be okay not to worry and you will see him on the other side. I know how hard this is god bless you and your father!

Another thing, make sure you say everything that you want to say to your Dad. Make sure that he knows exactly how you feel about him. Have those long talks with him, even IF you do sit there and cry. NEVER forget to tell him you love him every single day, even if he is grouchy because this is not really your Dad.
When your Dad is sick...he is going to be grouchy. I know my Dad was grouchy all the time so we gave him the nick name of OSCAR THE GROUCH...he would just giggle.
Please any one who still have their parents...NEVER TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW HOW LONG YOU WILL HAVE THEM!!!
GOD BLESS!!

After my father died, I moved into the house with Mom and into the room where we had used for him. It had a hospital bed in it. I still sleep in that bed although I took all the guard rails off of it.

One night Dad came to me in a dream. He held me close. He was no longer in pain and he was no longer old. It was a very nice experience.

Bulldog...you have that right about the only regret!!!
I was playing this game..I should have said this or I should have said that. I did this for 2 years until I realized IT IS TO LATE!!!
Just make sure anything you want to say to your Dad, it is said and you are not left guessing about anything!!!
Again, I know your heart is heavy. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Thank you.

All my Mingle Friends.

Don't you love those dreams? I had a dream and I could actually smell my Dad. I could feel his arms around me and I felt so safe!!! I always hope that when I go to bed, I get to see my Dad again!!!