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| Topic: Long distance relationship | |
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I'm sorry guys. I don't really have a particular point in writing this. I guess I just want to talk about it.
Well, I was in a long distance relationship for two months with a 20 yr old girl from Brazil. She is an amazing girl, studying engineering at the university there and very success driven. I met her on a blogging site and we started to message each other. I honestly really thought she was the "one," you know, the one I'd spend the rest of my life with. I've never really been in a relationship before so it was all totally new to me. I'm a shy person in real life. I don't go out, party, or meet people (so that's mainly why) It was like hitting the jackpot because she's an awesome girl with goals and everything. I couldn't believe she was actually interested in me! But yeah, it turned out to be too good to be true. The long distance part of it was too hard on her. She said she felt like crap for not being able to hardly give me any attention (because she was always busy with something. I hardly ever got to talk with her.) Plus, she told me she needed a hug once in awhile. I couldn't even give her that. Well, now I'm back to square one. It was a good experience I guess, but now I feel like if I ever got into such a relationship again it would just be a repeat of what happened with her. |
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I try to avoid long distance. Mainly because as the girl you were with put it, I may fancy getting a hug at times, yet how long until it actually happened? Some people can handle them much better than I can. I'm quite an affectionate person, so I like to know I can be near a guy often. I like to be touched. Maybe she felt too restricted from being intimate. When someone lives far from you, and you like getting intimate often, it doesn't make sense to be quite far away from their lover. It very much depends on what you want out of it. You can't always ignore an urge to have sex, so I can imagine that would be especially difficult, if being in an ldr. This is why I won't date anyone outside of the UK.
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That's what I think it was. She needed intimacy and I couldn't provide that for her. I could have waited it out until we met but I guess she just couldn't wait that long. I wish I had known that from the beginning so maybe I could save myself from getting emotionally attached.
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I read your story about your long distant relationship. I honestly will like us to get intouch. I am also looking for a relationship.
take care till I hear from you. |
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Long distance relationships are like short distance ones, they work as long as both parties want them to
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Long distance relationships are like short distance ones, they work as long as both parties want them to This. |
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Long distance relationships are like short distance ones, they work as long as both parties want them to Ah the wisdom..I agree. But long distance has its unique challenges. She wasn't up to it I guess, which is understandable. |
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Some people can't deal with LDRs, which is something they need to think about before trying to pursue one. Maybe the girl thought she could handle it and changed her mind. They can be difficult, but if both people want the same thing, they can work out.
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I think so too. She though she could handle it. When we first starting talking she was really happy. But then she started getting depressed. I think she felt like we were never going to meet because she lived in Brazil going to school and I was in the States. I think it was partially that sense of hopelessness in ever meeting that caused things to fall apart.
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Long distance relationships are like short distance ones, they work as long as both parties want them to Ah the wisdom..I agree. But long distance has its unique challenges. She wasn't up to it I guess, which is understandable. A relationship without intimacy is preeetty difficult to manage. And once you do meet up you may be surprised at who you meet, projections have a tendency of failing to accurately mirror reality, even when it's honest people projecting. Moreover, there's so much that can't be done with ldr's. When I date someone I know I can help them every way I possibly can because I'm within reach. If someone's depressed, I can put my arm around them and listen. If there's an emergency I can intervene in a timely manner, in a way that's profoundly meaningful, much more so than an e-hug sent across a vast cyber-ocean. When my uncle was murdered it was the people I saw, felt, heard, and touched that filled me with love and understanding, no one else. There's just so much lacking in a long distance relationship. Certainly, anyone can stay in contact with someone far away. Of course, it's easy to maintain good feelings with a person you haven't really seen or talked to for who knows how long. But to have a relationship 'work out'? That's a different story. If by 'working out' we mean the two things just mentioned then sure. But if you want a relationship to work in the sense that you enjoy the full benefits and bliss that a powerful bond between two people in love enjoy when they work hard together, then you'll never have it. A relationship that is full and unyielding is one where the unity between the two is palpable, they are unified in what matters most to both of them, they are unified emotionally, and ultimately they are unified physically. The love they feel radiates from them, you can see it in their eyes, warming your soul as you see them. Perhaps in a vague sense the first two can be achieved in along distance relationship. But the third one, even the last one? Certainly not. We live in a time where access is so abundant in so many different places not far from home. I've met incredible people everywhere I've lived, from one coast to the other. Why not try for high hanging fruit in your own orchard, instead of sending hand signals to the exotic looking thing on the opposite side of the farm? =p I promise, in the long haul it's far more rewarding for you, and equally important- the people around you. |
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I agree with what Mark said and I'll add something to what I said before- they can work out if both people want the same thing and are moving towards the same thing. Basically, you have to eventually meet in person and it can't be something that drags on for months or years, because yeah, eventually people get frustrated and need more, etc. etc.
Also, I would never try to pursue anything with someone in another country, I don't see the point. It's one thing to try to work out a relationship with someone a few hours away, but in another country? The costs of airfare alone wouldn't be worth it.... |
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I think so too. She though she could handle it. When we first starting talking she was really happy. But then she started getting depressed. I think she felt like we were never going to meet because she lived in Brazil going to school and I was in the States. I think it was partially that sense of hopelessness in ever meeting that caused things to fall apart. Exactly. 
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hi,have go through your story about your distance relationship with someone.what i would advocate to let you know that ,never think you dont want to engage in long distance relationship because all good experience i had is all about.and i believe that one man trap is another one man treasure so it depend on how you keep the relationship well that matter and how you under each other.if you dont mind in chating with each other .vow to make you real
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hi,have go through your story about your distance relationship with someone.what i would advocate to let you know that ,never think you dont want to engage in long distance relationship because all good experience i had is all about.and i believe that one man trap is another one man treasure so it depend on how you keep the relationship well that matter and how you under each other.if you dont mind in chating with each other .vow to make you real So you're justifying your position by using the adage that 'one man's trap is another man's treasure'? An adage I'm not sure actually exists anywhere but on this message board- And you think merely understanding a person and 'keeping the relationship' (whatever that means) is enough to bridge hearts hundreds of miles away? And 'not minding chatting with each other' is somehow supposed to help? I'm sorry, but this line of reasoning is total bull. No one I've met has ever developed a complete relationship because of this sort of thinking. Like, ever. And I agree with paintedcards, lol. =) |
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Long distance relationships are like short distance ones, they work as long as both parties want them to Ah the wisdom..I agree. But long distance has its unique challenges. She wasn't up to it I guess, which is understandable. A relationship without intimacy is preeetty difficult to manage. And once you do meet up you may be surprised at who you meet, projections have a tendency of failing to accurately mirror reality, even when it's honest people projecting. Moreover, there's so much that can't be done with ldr's. When I date someone I know I can help them every way I possibly can because I'm within reach. If someone's depressed, I can put my arm around them and listen. If there's an emergency I can intervene in a timely manner, in a way that's profoundly meaningful, much more so than an e-hug sent across a vast cyber-ocean. When my uncle was murdered it was the people I saw, felt, heard, and touched that filled me with love and understanding, no one else. There's just so much lacking in a long distance relationship. Certainly, anyone can stay in contact with someone far away. Of course, it's easy to maintain good feelings with a person you haven't really seen or talked to for who knows how long. But to have a relationship 'work out'? That's a different story. If by 'working out' we mean the two things just mentioned then sure. But if you want a relationship to work in the sense that you enjoy the full benefits and bliss that a powerful bond between two people in love enjoy when they work hard together, then you'll never have it. A relationship that is full and unyielding is one where the unity between the two is palpable, they are unified in what matters most to both of them, they are unified emotionally, and ultimately they are unified physically. The love they feel radiates from them, you can see it in their eyes, warming your soul as you see them. Perhaps in a vague sense the first two can be achieved in along distance relationship. But the third one, even the last one? Certainly not. We live in a time where access is so abundant in so many different places not far from home. I've met incredible people everywhere I've lived, from one coast to the other. Why not try for high hanging fruit in your own orchard, instead of sending hand signals to the exotic looking thing on the opposite side of the farm? =p I promise, in the long haul it's far more rewarding for you, and equally important- the people around you. Very well put! The only way I see a LDR work out is if one moves to be with the other. So the LD part is temporary. Otherwise, don't go there. Will only lead to heartache. |
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bottom line for this was,long distance would not be that easy,its a matter of sacrifice and what matters most is how does every partners showing how they love each other and take the risk for there love.
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bottom line for this was,long distance would not be that easy,its a matter of sacrifice and what matters most is how does every partners showing how they love each other and take the risk for there love.
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i have the belief that it is never a relationship till you have been together in person for a while.. I once met this guy i was really attracted to online, i talked to him for a few months then he traveled nearly 3000 miles to come see me.. so yes i mean met in person.. well i spent a good week with him and i was on vacation too so lots of time.. story is.. he wasnt at all who i thought he was. hence.. myself i dont bother with long distance relationships i mean trying to get into one. she may not of been all you thought she was. your a good looking young man you should have no troubles meeting someone that is perfect for you in person. i would suggest since you dont have experience in dating to try it locally..and dont wait too long if u meet them online cause ive done that as well lol! and i have got all nervous for no reason.
Best of luck to you, Deb
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