Quite some time ago, I started dating a lady who I thought had just broken up with her ex, then it turned out that it had only ended on her side and not on the ex's.. In retrospect, I suspect that the main cause of their breakup may have been because of me, as it was not me who took the initiative in the new relationship..

It got pretty ugly and her ex got so emotional as to even threaten to kill me with a gun.. We somehow talked it over and I got out of it alive, but it sure was a hairy run-in..

If any of you have gone through something like this before, how did you handle it? Is the only way to avoid it in the future is not dating anyone who had been in a relationship until very recently, like yesterday?

How do you make sure your new date is clean in this regard? Is there any rule of thumb to tell it in advance, or it's pretty much like a roll of dice, or, as in my case, a Russian roulette?

yeah this sound familiar ....but im my case i figured out what she was like before we got together, so (kicking myself now) i think i was lucky to last more then a week let alone 4years and have two kids...now slight dilemma that, still loved her at first everything as normal as it would be being seperated with 2 kids involed, so see the kids every week or other week...she gets back with one of her ex's after a few others has twins long story short she fks that up stop living at the house stays with a few friends etc im still seeing the kids then next minute she move's miles away, which leads me to still loving her but hating her also wanting to smash her face in.........by not being able to see the kids...so i been crushed by the split crushed by the move.......what happens next a good 10year depression (lovely) of which i think im about to pull myself out of ..........i have had to sacrifice alot just to stop loving her which seems to have worked i just wanna smash her face in now and im a walk away i dont wanna hurt you type person so laid back i could be a coffee table........So id say I havent got a f**king clue mate Russian Roulette's my game too.

You don't, you trust they are over it. Being emotionally closed off is a good indicator they aren't. Not every person beyond your ex is going to hurt you.

Criminey, this has happened a couple times. I have started just walking away, no one's has magical lady parts enough for me to put with up that sort of crazy

So I guess it takes a leap of faith.. OK, I think I'm gonna have to harden myself to take it better if it happens..

I once dated a guy who liked to wind women up. It was all a joke to him. Playing with people. Im sure he found me annoying because I didnt bite the bait he would keep setting...but being tested was not something I was interested in.

I had heard stories of his crazed girlfriends but I always had his games in my head so took it with a grain of salt. Later I discovered that it was he who had restraining orders against him, not the crazed girlfriends.

It didnt mess me up tho, because the whole time I understood that my decisions were my responsibility. If you have had to take care of yourself completely, you get to that point sooner. Its kinda hard, but youre better off being in charge of how your relationships go.

You too? What's wrong?
Man, if only we could see through all that before it happens..

I feel like the only way to know anything is to try and take chances. Where guns and violence are involved my mind is make up before anything further happens. I think people should be aware of things like this, not being broken up with an ex before pursuing anything else. Make sure of this if you have suspicions. It's your right to know. That's how trust between you is built from then on.

I feel for ya, brother..

Just knowing that I was not the only one playing this game is a huge lift..

Wish you and your family only the best..

One guy wouldn't stop that crap. He kept wondering why I wouldn't open up. Little does he know, that I knew exactly who it was behind his username, which is why I wouldn't let him in. Very hard to pull wool over my eyes. . I just figured he was a waste of my time, if he didn't get his act together. I wasn't gonna stick around for long, dancing his little dance. He can go play games elsewhere.

We can't, but there is a general sense of crazy. This one chick only talked about her ex-husband who she hated. She had a Masters' in counseling but was really really stupid, so I asked- seems she had an affair with her professor who was married and helped her cheat her way to the degree. Her statement that she was over him and that is why she is dating me soon became I am dating you to help me get over him; then come over a be with me but no sex cause that confuses me in deciding who to be with. I told her if was too hard for her, I'd make the decision for her and walked away.

I made poor choices in my 20's too man. I was talking entirely about myself. Not a reaction to your situation btw. Ive no idea what I'd do if someone held a gun to me. Not your fault there at all.

huge lift..... good that was the idea haha and thanks,
well now i seem to be more cold hearted, and not open up so much.....i figured if it takes this long to recover, then im giving nothing away till i know for sure, even then it'll be hard to give it my all again, at the end of the day its just a live and learn process.