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| Topic: Are relationships really worth the time invested? | |
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I think it makes no difference when you're dealing with someone who is genuinely in love. Most guy will do anything to get you to have sex as soon as possible. That is their agenda. Women want to know if they can trust a man before they sleep with them. Unfortunately, most men don't care about that. In the end we will sleep with the wrong guys and get hurt no matter what we say. Until someone decent comes along and doesn't tell us what we want to hear to get something else we will never know. That's why women are so hurt, because the right guy never comes along for so many women. Men don't love very often. Although it sounds like bashing, you are actually just stating the facts. Most guys are looking for sex most of the time. Depending upon their practiced presentation, they are usually more successful than the guys who are looking for a long term or life long relationship. Women mostly go by first impressions which largely leads to the problems you describe. "someone decent" usually fails in comparison to "good first impression", at least initially. The part you are wrong about is your point that "... the right guy never comes along for so many women." In truth, the right guy comes along and is ignored, and the woman pays attention to the smooth talker who just wants sex. |
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Edited by
sparkyae5
on
Mon 02/09/15 08:57 AM
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when have some self awareness otherwise you will still be running in auto....best that can come of it is the awareness of how you got to this point in your life ( your part, relationships are never one handed ).......metalwing... you are correct my self and most have spent most of ther lives engaged in social intercourse,its a waste of time. we only ever realy have is NOW.....most spend there lives recycling favorite feelings and never getting to realy knowing them selves....the most important relationship we will ever have is with ourselves...some never wake up and start experancing all the nows to the fullest, it was realy brouht home to me when i started dating again so many wounded souls..........
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I think it makes no difference when you're dealing with someone who is genuinely in love. Most guy will do anything to get you to have sex as soon as possible. That is their agenda. Women want to know if they can trust a man before they sleep with them. Unfortunately, most men don't care about that. In the end we will sleep with the wrong guys and get hurt no matter what we say. Until someone decent comes along and doesn't tell us what we want to hear to get something else we will never know. That's why women are so hurt, because the right guy never comes along for so many women. Men don't love very often. Men DO love, Estelle. Trick is to find a guy who will love you. They are different - but it doesn�t mean they are bad, just different. You talk just as only women are hurted. Men get hurted also - by WOMEN. It�s bothside story. And nobody deserves it - not women nor men. I can understand you suffered a lot, and I was, maybe more than you. Not only but also by a man who made the same generalizaton as you do - because he was hurted in the past, so he just decided that all women are the same. It didn�t bring him happiness - nor to those he met. Wake up and stop attacking those who made you no harm. I put it today in another thread but again - for all of you, wonderful guys, who make us women to belive in love again and again: Celine Dion - Because you loved me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_r8pDziQKE |
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I think it is important to have those talks in the beginning of course but sometimes people progress or go through changes as time goes on. I don't think it is a waste of time just a learning lesson to be applied to when I find my true soul mate. Best wishes to you. I agree with Jack. And if there are some known important things that could cause problems, they should b� said in the beginning. Not saying in the first message or date, but in the beginning. I value and respect honesty more than almost anything. If he�s able to tell me sincerely problems or some his less good qualities, than I feel I can trust him in positive things also. the first thing women do is test us, its not a concious thing. they need to know as fast as possible to find out if we are who we present ourselves to be....it realy hurts when i am judged on a superficial rush to judgment.....getting to the the talks is the issue.....most only get to meet the adative wounded child and not the beautiful natural child we all have inside us.... |
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I think it is important to have those talks in the beginning of course but sometimes people progress or go through changes as time goes on. I don't think it is a waste of time just a learning lesson to be applied to when I find my true soul mate. Best wishes to you. I agree with Jack. And if there are some known important things that could cause problems, they should b� said in the beginning. Not saying in the first message or date, but in the beginning. I value and respect honesty more than almost anything. If he�s able to tell me sincerely problems or some his less good qualities, than I feel I can trust him in positive things also. the first thing women do is test us, its not a concious thing. they need to know as fast as possible to find out if we are who we present ourselves to be....it realy hurts when i am judged on a superficial rush to judgment.....getting to the the talks is the issue.....most only get to meet the adative wounded child and not the beautiful natural child we all have inside us.... |
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There's no avoiding the time factor no matter how many questions we ask at the beginning.Answers can be misunderstood,the method of how we do things might be too different even if we agree on the outcome.But it's how we gain and use the experiences that really matter,and the hope that we meet that certain someone who locks in naturally with our way of doing things...
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Edited by
Leigh2154
on
Mon 02/09/15 10:52 AM
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Every relationship begins because of something good, something positive...If they end because of something bad or negative, only the future is affected, the past remains unchanged...Emotional investment in others is never a wasted effort, never... |
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Edited by
DavidCommaGeek
on
Mon 02/09/15 11:05 AM
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In response to the original post... I think a lot of people spend too much time during the first stage of the relationship on what are really trivial and unimportant things. You talk about things like sports, animals, hobbies, the newest movies, etc, because those are "safe" topics. (Most of the time - some people get downright vicious if you dare to challenge their sports team!)
But these are not things that define a good, healthy relationship. Most people ignore big-ticket items like religious beliefs (or lack thereof), political alignment, or the status of previous relationships because they feel talking about such things is "moving too fast", or they're afraid of rejection or scaring off the other person. This is in large part why I prefer online dating - I get to see some of the big-ticket items right off the bat, like religious orientation and whether or not they want children in the future (or have some already). Frequently, you also get a snapshot of their interests and hobbies, which gives you a good idea whether you have anything in common with them or not on the "like" level. If you spend your time talking about the small, non-relationship-defining "safe" topics, you may develop a liking for the person you're with - but then when you start talking about things that truly matter in a long-term relationship, you may discover that you have important, life-defining differences. This leads to an attitude of "You made me like you just to deceive me!", and feelings of hurt and betrayal - and wasted time. |
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