Why is it hard to just find someone to see you for what is in your heart and not out, and same time accept a girl looks, I don't want to wear make up nor dress sexy to catch someones attention, I am not attractive but I have a loving heart and I know some girls think the same thing. some guys need to learn not everyone will look the same they do now when they get older . Inbox for comments. I don't need anyone trying to disrespect me online . If you have nothing nice to say move it along. I'm just thinking out loud

Hi hon...online is kinda cut throat sometimes
we often make judgement based solely on looks and many do not not bother to read profiles
there are men out there that would like to find a woman of substance
who is not just empty head and set boobs walking around in hooker heels
but alas in an online environment you will also run into the ones who.want intimate encounter and sex.talk

It's an online problem and in person. I understand though, thanks TMommy

I think it's the same all around...online or not. Online, you get to find out more about a person based on written responses, more than based on looks. But it removes a lot of the nuances of really getting to know someone, like body language, tone, aura...things that can be made up when you dont actually see the person.
Personally, i think looks can go a long way. Not about how pretty or handsome, how young or old, or how one dresses, etc. It's about the overall presentation of oneself to look decent, capable, confident and approachable. What comes out of the mouth and the actions to back it up reflects more. It takes time, and to a certain extent, a meeting of the minds. Tho, physical attractiveness can be a bonus. Nobody wants to be a slob...
The heart can speak, but lovingness and affection are not always taken in the right context. It's a perpetual balancing act of giving and receiving, restraint and abandon.
Take everything with a grain of salt...and maybe some other spices to go with it...There is beauty in every one of us.
I'm just thinking out loud as well...

I agree

whats wrong with boobs in hooker heels ? ? ?

kk couldnt resist

and yes i sadly agree , guys are more for a looks thing then females are as i said before females are better in many ways (really you all have to stop making me say that)
and yes i all so agree online is more of like grown up kinder garden and most don't stop to think there is someone else on the other side of the computer , so it can be insain at times

but keep in mind not all guys are the same
plus its there loss not yours


just keep your head up : )
you could bump in to someone at anytime , you never know

Thanks guys i appreciate your time for the reply and i will keep my head up Datwasntme thanks

Why shouldn't it be?


No person or creature as you describe exists.

No one will ever see you for what is in your heart.

At best they can experience your behavior, to some consistent degree, and deduce a speculative opinion on what is in your heart.


That's your personal choice.
All choices have consequences.


That's nowhere near as important as the ratios and symmetry of your body.
IME 90% is confidence and what you do with what you have.
If you believe yourself to be unattractive you will communicate that with your body language, and ultimately tell people how you want to be seen, how you want to be judged.


How do you know?


I don't agree.

I'm thinking of the 12 year old's at the school dance.
You think it's a good idea to base who they ask to dance thinking about how they are going to look in a few years?

Although I do believe that people inherently know others won't look the same as they get older.

They've had direct experience with it all their life.
Again, I refer to the 12 year old's that are attracted to girls their own age, and then they become 25 year old's and are attracted to girls their own age rather than still attracted to 12 year old's.

No one knows how someone is going to change 20, 50, 80 years in the future, so base it on how someone looks now.

Would you really want to date a guy that had the mental conversation of "you know what? This girl is hot, this other girl is not attractive, but in the future looks change. I might as well date the not attractive girl because by the time her looks change I will be used to it. Or, the hot chicks looks are going to go waaaaay downhill. The not attractive chick is already there, so there's going to be less change. So, I think I'm going to date the not attractive chick. It seems like a safer bet."

I don't think that would be a good lesson to teach men at all.


That's not true.
Guys focus on looks.
Girls focus just as much on looks, but they also focus on things like sticking around and providing (safety, food, social position, all things related to baby stuff).

Sometimes the latter seems to overshadow the former, but looks are just as important to either gender in their mating choices, although other factors influence a woman's final choice vs. men which give the false appearance of looks being less important.


IMO this isn't true either.
Do you get to find out more about Stephen King by reading his book The Running Man?

If someone is writing you emails like "my favorite color is blue, my favorite fish is grouper," you may find out more about a person based on written responses.

But the longer you rely on email, the more your interpretation or confirmation bias will influence who you think the other person is.
But from the get go, you are interpreting what you read without the benefit of anything to support your conclusions.


I'm just procrastinating.

<~~~~~this guy LOATHES hooker heels!

I tend to agree with the above poster about the way someone looks and presents themselves being important. At the end of the day you either feel attracted to someone or you don't.

I don't even have good eyesight and when I meet someone it's a combination of appearances. First impressions are always how things appear to you. For example, the last time I met someone she did seem very pretty and wore makeup etc but it was possibly more about how we interacted and chemistry, if you want to call it that. She seemed to be a genuinely nice person and it was a bit like we already knew and understood each other. We only had a brief conversation on that first meeting but I assure you that I didn't just come out of it thinking that she was "hot". She was but there are attractive people everywhere that you meet and don't feel any connection with.

Conversely, I have met women that I didn't think were as physically attractive as I would have liked but I was prepared to lower my standards in that respect and then grew to see them as being good looking because tastes can change if you're prepared to try something new. There has to be a limit though and I would not date someone that I actually found physically repulsive.

Looks may only get you so far though. Sure, pretty girls can get lots of dates and sex at least but then they complain as well that guys don't see what's in their heart, or whatever.

everybody is not same

I have decent male friends, but they're not exactly boyfriend material. That may explain why I'm not with any of them. Though it would have made the odds of finding a man, a tad easier. Going places can heighten your chances of finding a man, but not even then are you guaranteed a lover. I can only suggest not looking for it. I'm no wiser than anyone else. :hugs:

Whether we like it or not we are on the internet and this is a visual world. Consider your profile an ad page to catch someone's eye.



IF you look at my profile pictures there is very little make up on I don't wear it I think there are a couple of me with no make up best show the real goods and get it over with. Pictures if you choose to use them should IMO be of you and who you are.. Calling yourself unattractive Equates to shooting yourself in the foot. You could be the most gorgeous eye candy out here and saying that immediately puts negativity on to it. I am willing to bet there isn't one person on this site that doesn't have some type of body issues. Deal with it and accept that you have beautiful eyes for example...


Wow what a mouthful here. To have a loving heart is also able to listen to constructive criticism that is life it is here, it is everywhere. I think we know as we get older that we age, we also are aware that we aren't looking like we did in our 20's 30's etc.. The body is not what shows beauty as we get older it is the life lessons we have learned and how we chose to express ourselves.
Internet dating sites well they can be tough, we all have a choice we either let what others think beat us up or we get a bit thicker skin and take what is offered learn from it and throw away the rest. Everyone has an opinion... It has value if we seek it out if for nothing else of "boy, I am not taking that advice.


Good luck out here

Speaking of can't resist.... In reference to the thread's title..... That's what she said.

Looks definitely matter whether we like it or not. I met a pretty lady in a barbeque party some three years back who happened to be from my own place. We messaged each other for some weeks and then started jogging together every evening. We kissed before leaving every evening and I gradually fell for her. A few months later when I tried to know her views about me I was really shocked by what she implied. Although she considered me a great friend and wished me luck in relationships, she didn't see me a mate probably because I didn't meet her expectation in looks. She didn't tell it straight on my face but implied it many a times describing her dream man.

Well, life is like that...so we gotta accept it!!

Man, all what you just said is SO RIGHt! I agree on everything you just said!

You say she was pretty but I dink she was pretty stupid too... Whether physically you were her type or not it is unimportant. You had showed her your inner beauty... The fact that she was unable to appreciate it makes me think she was not worth it any way...

Let me tell you something, you definitely are cute. Your problems is not your appareance but your total lack of confidence. You don't need to wear make up or sexy clothes if you are not comfortable with that. All what you need to do in order to look attractive is to show you are self confident. And don't forget to wear a HUGE smile in your face all day long!

Women and men care about looks... But nobody is actually looking to go out with the prettiest girl or the most gorgeous man in the world. We are looking to meet somebody that has decent looks and great personality.

My advice to you is to start learning to love and accept yourself. Work on believing in you, smile non stop and try to look cute (no need of make up or high hill) wearing clothes that make you feel comfortable. Be friendly and fun... You got the looks already, just need to improve your attitude. Try it! You won't regret... Good luck girl!

Hi everyone. I think everyone has their preference. On other sites I met many people who, according to my opinion, were not sure what they were looking for and our communication just faded.

It took very few exchanges of mail for us to come to agree on a serious relationship here. I did not have profile pics, he had one. I sent mine to his e-mail address. I am a simple woman with no make up.
I advise that we better be ourselves with/out make up. Sooner or later you will find your soulmate. God knows the time and He is i control.

the major problem in society sweetheart , is just what your talking about , self full filled , empty, shallow , selfish people to narcissistic to see the true person deep inside them . Often measured by others perceptions for what they want you to be or for you to look like . the harsh lesson i had to learn at an early age in life is that , never follow the crown or what's popular in society at the time , called thinking outside that proverbial box of conformity ,"feel me "???............my advice and in my 64 years on this earth i learned this , "be an individual and secure in your own skin " nothing more beautiful in a woman then self love and respect for herself , and men too . i get that all the time how handsome i am and you look good at your age , but in reality i know its a sexual attraction and " and as they say "eye candy " , telling this jaded empty society of selfies !! look who i got !!! .................They never have a clue what's real , priceless, and uniquely rare about a person , because they only see the value of a person from the outside only , which is superficial , jaded , shallow and empty , like they live , and that's most of America !!!.the other percent think like you do , look deep within my heart and soul . this is me not the outside beauty ,that will fade in time !! but the core of you that makes you one of a kind , rare and unique in your own way . never let anyone deny you the truth of who you really are , in a billions of stars in the night shy , their all innately different , like you . no woman or man defines us , our greatest enemy or friend is ourselves , so the more you love you for you , the more others will see your confidence, security and self love , they too will realize the endless treasures you possess inside you and they too will be willing to explore with you !!!