Topic: Free Style Vent
JamieRawxx's photo
Fri 09/23/16 10:28 AM
((I originally started off writing my poems here in 2010! Had a good friend I met here who is no longer in touch, some might remember me, but here's one to get my ball rolling again...))

I don't claim to always give my best
I just put my feelings to the pen
and put them to the test
and vent, so my stress can rest
before I go crazy and have cardiac arrest
I must confess, there are times when I have been obsessed
and upset.
I like to keep everything repressed
It's hard enough just to wake up and get dressed
Then to keep up with social standards? That's hard to digest.
and for those of you who do, I am unimpressed
at the very least you are second best
at your own consent, you misrepresent
you're a breach of trust with fraudulent intent.
A bottle of cologne with a shitty scent,
Your kids out on the streets because you didn't pay your rent
but I see that brand new car that has no dents
I guess that's what's important?
Your reality is cracked and your priorities are bent.
Take my perception to the full extent
reinvent yourself, and repent!

no photo
Fri 09/23/16 11:20 AM
Nice

JamieRawxx's photo
Fri 09/23/16 01:31 PM
Thank you flowerforyou

no photo
Fri 09/23/16 01:32 PM
Very nice. I love it! flowerforyou

Welcome back pretty lady! flowerforyou

rainbird36's photo
Fri 09/23/16 09:15 PM
as I read this, I was thinking of people I know who fit this, you brought that into my mind, thank you

Madcatlady01's photo
Sat 09/24/16 08:34 AM
that was great smile2

JamieRawxx's photo
Sun 09/25/16 08:22 AM
Thank you all :heart:

kralcness's photo
Sun 09/25/16 08:25 AM
That was great

GabrielRocc's photo
Tue 10/04/16 03:21 PM
Good job

no photo
Tue 10/04/16 08:22 PM
Yeah that definitely says a lot about the culture out there today. Talk about scattered, scattered, scattered! I empathize. Great vent rime rap structure and it flows. I say excellent!:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

peggy122's photo
Wed 10/05/16 11:22 AM
Powerful Stuff! You made me feel guilty , and I don't even own a car

.... or kids flowerforyou

yruyrm's photo
Fri 03/24/17 04:44 AM
Not bad at all.
My type of vents just get me called a psychopath. But Ann Rice can write about horrors of monstrosities and it's a number on book seller. Go figure.

Anyhow stay venting. It's great.

Billirvy's photo
Mon 04/03/17 09:19 AM
Nice! :thumbsup:

no photo
Fri 04/07/17 03:54 AM
Too much rhyming in my opinion. Your wordplay is undoubtedly above average but the flow of the words seem forced. This is only constructive criticism to be clear. That is your emotional energy taking form and expressed in a literary sequence - inundating a minute fraction of an imaginative mentality.

mysticalview21's photo
Fri 04/07/17 11:57 AM
Nice Rant...

Ladyj003's photo
Thu 04/13/17 06:00 AM
Edited by Ladyj003 on Thu 04/13/17 06:02 AM
Nice writing.

PacificStar48's photo
Thu 04/13/17 01:14 PM
I like the tempo of this; you get the feeling of choking back rage just enough to get your point across.

True that many don't want women to express rage unless it fits their twisted view of what is entertaining.

This particular scenario really puts sand in my craw.

Sometimes it is however someone giving up the use of a car in hopes it will help a poor mother at least look for shelter. Sadly families may not have or fear what created homelessness more than they can manage to actually help. Many parents; especially single grandmothers are only inches from being on the street themselves and have landlords that will turn them to the street if they do try to help.