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| Topic: The cats out of the bag. now what?? | |
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After 25yrs of marriage, and you find out your husband is bisexual, hitting up guys on sites, more or less begging for it. And gets mad because you found out. says I'm sorry, all the excuses you can think of to cover the fact hes into guys. And repeatedly gets caught, he's never been with another man. But that's all he sneaks around doing, evolving men. The spark is gone had been for awhile. knowing this now, and watching him repeat the same mistake over and over hurting you more each time. how can you get past the feeling it's your fault, you just want him to want you but his minds way off. do you give up after 25yrs when the connection is lost? or keep holding on to the hope he loves you enough to make things right? now all i can think about is, is it really me that he's thinking about during sex. It's different if it was a child, sibling, but your lifelong spouse. how am I supposed to get past that? I'm bisexual to, but I told him in the very beginning, like he should have done. now this 25yrs feels like a lie. I don't want to keep holding on to a memory of what it was. move on? give him one more chance. It's like his 15th chance. any advice?
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No one can tell you anything you haven't figured out for yourself (15 times ago)...
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Your post seems odd a little because your profile says you are 39 and your post says you've been married for 25 years. You got married at 14? Have you thought about counseling?
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Well I for one found out the hard way only one person in the world can make you happy that would be "Yourself". Moving on, Well only you know if you are in love enough to stay. Be true to you always. Sex is just that sex. But I have found I like it better when I care for the other person. Having lost a wife, mmm my wife of 19 yrs, man puts a whole other spin on things. I do love but seems not as deep. I would move on , but it is up to you. Figure out what you need to be happy and go for it. Life could be shorter than you know. I found out the hard way. Just the facts is all I am stating. Stay safe & good luck!
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Sorry you got dumped.
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Chances are overrated.
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Right!!!
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Awesome pep talk. thanks it helped so much.. lmao
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Thanks so much. not a easy issue to deal with. And he also has early stage4 colon cancer, which makes this situation even more complicated.
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wait, what? he's bi, you're bi, and now after 25 years you're writing about it on a chat site???
Plus he now has "early stage four"???? And your daughter filled out a dating profile for you while you were showering? I'm not very good at math, but some chit just don't add up here. |
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After 25yrs of marriage, and you find out your husband is bisexual, hitting up guys on sites, more or less begging for it. And gets mad because you found out. says I'm sorry, all the excuses you can think of to cover the fact hes into guys. And repeatedly gets caught, he's never been with another man. But that's all he sneaks around doing, evolving men. The spark is gone had been for awhile. knowing this now, and watching him repeat the same mistake over and over hurting you more each time. how can you get past the feeling it's your fault, you just want him to want you but his minds way off. do you give up after 25yrs when the connection is lost? or keep holding on to the hope he loves you enough to make things right? now all i can think about is, is it really me that he's thinking about during sex. It's different if it was a child, sibling, but your lifelong spouse. how am I supposed to get past that? I'm bisexual to, but I told him in the very beginning, like he should have done. now this 25yrs feels like a lie. I don't want to keep holding on to a memory of what it was. move on? give him one more chance. It's like his 15th chance. any advice? Well, with a mess that complicated, all I can think to suggest, is that you obviously can't offer another chance to try to go back to what you used to think was true. You can decide to sort of start over, relating to what you and he actually are, and maybe build some kind of friendship, instead of a fake marriage. You and he each sound like you've got a lot to be upset about in life. A lot of what seems to give us each a rough go, is figuring out that the inner picture of what we thought our lives were all about, turns out to be crap somehow. Whether by betrayal of a mate, or by betrayal of life circumstances, it feels as though we really are fools somehow, and that makes us extremely angry. I know I've got plenty of that. Not sure what else to tell you, other than that it seems to help me the most, to think everything through over again, and try to come up with a more accurate guess about what's left of my possibilities. |
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If I were in your shoes, I would have kicked him to the curb 14 times ago for lying, and wish him well, and start enjoying my life... now...... NOW.....
YOU NEED TO CATCH UP......... on what you missed out of life. seriously. |
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That is some heavy chit you are going through. We can all give advise, judge, but only you know how much you can take.
You have two options.. Walk away. Stay. I feel like he has already left the marriage because of his unfaithfulness to you, in his heart.... You should not feel loyalty or guilt by walking away. I am sure you gave him everything and all of you, yet he has been deceitful. You owe him nothing. Be free.  
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Talk. That's the only way through trouble in any relationship, and the one thing people often don't do when they're hurt.
Maybe he didn't know these feelings 25 yrs ago. And maybe if he has serious cancer he really wants to find out what it's like with a man before he gets worse or even passes. It's about feelings. And even though it may not seem fair, I do understand why he wasn't open about it. He likely wanted to protect you, felt ashamed and guilty maybe even towards you. Talk to the man without playing the blame game, and see what you can work out, then move from there. You may end up leaving, you may end up staying. But I guess most of the info you have now is what you say here and your own hurt feelings. Not a good guide. |
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All the best Softkitty x
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