I like this.

I've also seen failed marriages many times, but I still believe in it.

Everyone handles grief and loss differently. If you feel comfortable being on a dating site then that is obviously what you need .

However ..I do agree with goofy .. dating sites come with expectations which can make opposite sex friendships challenging . Friendship does not need to be based on gender in order to have deep and meaningful conversations

Now I get your point...let's just be friends and talk about it all.

Thank you. I was in a controlling relationship and wasn't allowed guy friends, I'm a tomboy myself, have 3 boys and one tomboy, but am open to any friendship. I truely don't know what I want or what I'm doing, I flip flop.
I put myself in therapy to fix me, because I want to have a relationship someday. Grief started long before my husband's death, long before the terminal diagnosis and it was a long hard bumpy emotional ride..so it goes by terminal diagnosis for when the grief started. I don't know what a normal relationship looks like to enter one, I know how to be the caregiver, the psw, the chef, the companion. I had no time for anything else.

I thought I wanted some form of a relationship when I first came on here. I'm attracting the wrong kind of people. My first experience here was with a narcissist. I got love bombed and as my daughter says he convinced me I wasn't being gaslighted on the subject of gaslighting. She had to much fun with that. The next two we're married and all very similar to my husband. All the married people here make me think why bother. I have trust issues... what's to say if I date someone on a dating site that they don't go behind my back and come back on here?

I believe I need to work on myself first.

Decades of Expensive Experience ( & my Gas ) presented here. Btw, sisters are no different for This mooching behavior!!
Men CAN BE JUST Friends ~ but Women Can NOT Be. When a woman just wants a man for A Friend . . It's only for the man to listen to her whine about all her short falls with past men that have USUALLY dumped her... and she needs money. . When He happens to run into her in a pub-sports bar restaurant etc. and also even when it's only planned to just have a couple drinks <= Guess who ends up pulling out His wallet, and for another woman's Tips!! When it's her B-day " She won't Be $hy At All in ordering " and He pays for All. When it's His B-day, he pays For 90% or usually it All. Male Friends ARE THE BEST to fill in for all those jobs n favors that her bro or dad won't get sucked into and also pay for doing anymore. When it comes to moving.... How TH are you ever gonna beat having JUST A MALE Friend ???!!! and HE HAS ~ or Has a connection to a truck to move her. That New rez' with lot's of stairs are never a problem for moving her large furniture n appliances in or out either with just Male Friends...
Have all the female friends? you can swallow boys.... But be ready to work your *** off for them, and don't you forget ALL those Women's Special Days Presents each year that they'll also expect from their = Just their NSA Male Friend. . " NSA is NOT A Problem for men either " but To Her - you'll owe her for the rest of your life.
Accompany her to a wedding or something with people you've never even met before - and likely won't ever meet again. . Also Be ready to throw in cash for the gift and also bring enough Cash for you and her ALL Planned - FREE Bar that night and then to drive her home becuz she'll likely get pissed for the Good Price of Everything she sponge off you. ( n Don't Forget those bartenders Tip$! )

With the latest last post by a gentleman.. A debate begins...
Guy's Vs Girl's

The answer; probably notta!

That's very unfortunate. Maybe in a group setting it would work with friends. I'm starting to think it isn't possible either.

I'm going to leave it be. Redo the house, work on my business, do the bereavement group therapy, take more walks, learn new skills around the house and just try to keep busy. Maybe I'll try again when I'm less vulnerable and in a better place.


I think I'm coming off as desperate and that's not me.

Thank you for your openness!
And I understand now why you are looking for a male friend. I have not ever lost a partner the way you have, so I'm not going to pretend to understand that, but I can empathize with the reason for wanting male companionship as you explain it.
But maybe like I suggested it would be possible with someone who also lost his partner? The chances are a widower would feel the same way about not having a woman anymore and would likely not push for anything else either.
I once befriended a woman who lost her husband. By the time I met her she'd gotten married again to a man who'd lost his wife. That's how they met, online on a forum for widowers/widows. First they were friends, then it grew into love and they were happily married. I met them both and they were totally lovely as a couple. Their strength was being able to understand & respect the pain the other had gone through and still might have.
Maybe you can find what you're looking for now that way?
In another sense I think the missing of your mate, best friend, is part of the mourning? In a way you go through something similar when you split up. What I'm trying to say is, maybe that longing for male companionship is normal part of it and will ease in time? EDIT: Reading now that you go to a bereavement therapy group... maybe it is something you could address there, to hear how this part is for others and if that will become easier over time?

I hope I didn't hurt you with anything I said. If that is the case I wholeheartedly apologize as that was never my intention.
I wish you a lot of love and strength! I wished I could give you a hug! Consider yourself virtually hugged, a big one at that!

Hi nice to meet you here. Wow you are such a beautiful woman.. I will like to know more about each other.

You gotta learn to read the room Suleyman, read the room ...

I am surprised by some of the responses here. Of course men and women can be friends! I have always had female friends. Two of my best friends are women, and we have been friends for years. Neither party in either friendship is remotely interested in the other on a romantic level. Part of that may be age difference - I am significantly older than both of them - and part may be due to how I was raised - 3 sisters in a family where we were taught that all people are equal and deserving of respect. I have never had a sexual thought about either of those friends, and I am absolutely certain that neither of them has had such a thought about me. One of them considers me to be like a second father, and the other is my drinking buddy with whom I have had very frank conversations. While my best friend is a guy I went to high school with, most of my close friends throughout my life have been women, and a large percentage of those were lesbians. While I have been in love with several women, and I have had sexual thoughts about many women, my female best friends are not in either category.

I'm so defeated. Making friends on here was such a bad idea. I don't know why I was so naive...it's a freaking dating site.

Maybe it's possible in a different setting... But I have to get over the fear of being touched by a man first.

Thank you to everyone that responded.

So you joined a dating site with the hopes of finding an opposite sex pal, and you're so discouraged that the guys on here want to date you rather than be your platonic friend? Men suck!!

I joined for love, but I am not ready. I'm discouraged, because men can't keep their hands to themselves. If we go out as "friends" and I say no touching... Respect my bonderaries that I don't wish to be touched.

So you tell men that ask you on a date that you just want to go as friends and you want no touching and they try to touch anyway?

Not a date at all, going out as friends and yes I clearly said why I don't want to be touched. Maybe that's a me problem, but it's still not okay.

Ok I'm not trying to be a guy named Dick, just trying to comprehend. So if it's not a date you're going out with guy friends you already have and they try to make a move even though you asked them not to? How does this all work, I'm genuinely curious.

If you put friendship on your profile, talk to someone and you both agree to go out as friends... There shouldn't be any touching, correct? Am I just that naive that when a woman says to not to touch her and that person continues to touch her ... isn't that wrong?.... Because I teach my children no one should touch you unless you give them permission first.


Why doesn't matter. I clearly tell them I'm widowed and not comfortable with touching. I do want love, but friendship first that turns into more when I'm ready on my terms.