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| Topic: shoes gets serious | |
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Edited by
shoes4rhon
on
Sat 02/09/08 04:07 PM
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But my question is why does he hit ??? |
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Sox I think I can take this one It starts off slowly , the drama , the yelling , it is sneaky , the insane jealousy, the accusations,the unpredictability mixed with a calmness , undying love , he has finally changed, then the blow up , each one of these cycles taking a little piece of your very soul, the manipulations, the lies - not just to yourself, to your friends and family, it is just not that bad , the denile .. I am not a battered woman , it is just not that bad other people have it worse, oh you try to leave but he has threatened to kill you or himself or the kids, you are isolated away from the very suport system that could help you ,, they are all against him ,, the public looks at you and looks away when you walk thru the store with a black eye , they really don't want to know-- then there was the time that you really did get hurt and sought treatment and the nurse ask you what did he hit you with a stupid stick? the flowers come and the gifts and the I am sorry I will change,, you look in the mirror and don't even know that girl anymore her eyes are that of a shell shocked victim but the war wages in her own home, her innocence is gone , she is just trying to survive, he has control over all the money , and by this time you don't even know who you are and are terrified to make decisions because any decision you have tried to make just means another beating.. are you with me here Sox? Ugh, if by with you you mean in agreement that it's terrible, then yes. I can't fathom anyone acting like that though. But yes it does unfortunately make sense how the abused one gets forced into a corner and risks things getting worse if they try to do something about it.(which is incredible, since they already seem as bad as they can get). Not to get too analytical here, but I'd imagine the yelling and particularly hitting comes from the control that it gives. Abusers are often said to be people who feel overwhelmed by life and like they are not in control of anything in their own life. By preying on an innocent and usually helpless spouse, they can finally get a sense of control. Whereas most people would simply work harder at their profession, school etc. to gain control, these people are so averse to putting in effort that they just want to be able to control the easiest thing they can. Their loving spouse is the easiest option because there is a sense of love and duty so they're less likely to react the same way a stranger would. |
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There are people who believe this is out of fear, which of course is a weakness. Abusers need to control, to be needed, and to make others dependent upon them. To own the person. To beat down, literally and figuratively, their spirit and their soul to take it on as a prize.
To hit another person and distort their reality seperates them from friends, family, and society. They rationalize the hitting with poor choices and anger issues. They blame others, for rules do not belong to them. And that includes the morays of society and the values of religious faith. |
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having been in an abusive situation where i was choked,had a gun put to my head etc. I must say the reason most don't leave is the man is their source of happiness,sadness,food,shelter etc.you have no self esteem and somehow convince yourself its your fault they act like this.I'm glad I got out after 7 mons of hell.Boyfriend was certfiable,no sh it.
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most men hit because they saw it in their home and know that its a way to control a woman. |
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Edited by
soxfan94
on
Sat 02/09/08 04:26 PM
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having been in an abusive situation where i was choked,had a gun put to my head etc. I must say the reason most don't leave is the man is their source of happiness,sadness,food,shelter etc.you have no self esteem and somehow convince yourself its your fault they act like this.I'm glad I got out after 7 mons of hell.Boyfriend was certfiable,no sh it. That's so sad. I'm glad to hear you managed to get out of the situation. PS - Honestly, it's really hard for me to comprehend how someone could ever do this to someone else, and it's also hard to imagine thinking that it was my fault that someone else abused me, so please forgive me if I ask questions which seem ignorant but I'm just trying to better understand how it happens. And also please know that I'm not judging anyone who has felt this way, in fact you have my unending sympathy. 
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most men hit because they saw it in their home and know that its a way to control a woman. Actually that is ringing less and less true, many don't see the violence in the home first hand, but atitudes about woman and blah blah blah but my point in asking this question is society puts the responsibility on the victim and not the criminal in these cases and it is not just woman that are getting abused ... |
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most men hit because they saw it in their home and know that its a way to control a woman. and it is not just woman that are getting abused ... |
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PS - Honestly, it's really hard for me to comprehend how someone could ever do this to someone else, and it's also hard to imagine thinking that it was my fault that someone else abused me, so please forgive me if I ask questions which seem ignorant but I'm just trying to better understand how it happens. And also please know that I'm not judging anyone who has felt this way, in fact you have my unending sympathy. I would hope no one thinks you are ignorant. To be ignorant is to fear what you do not understand. You seek understanding and that is being wise. As well all know, you cannot walk in anyone else's shoes or condemn them for their choice if they have no conceivable way out. It is like being lost in your own world. Everything and yet nothing is familiar. |
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Well I try my best not to be ignorant. Which, eerily enough, seems to be the exception in society these days.
Good luck with the thread, I'm heading out for the night. Have a nice night! 
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It is my hope that people that are coming across this thread will take the time to read it , some excellent points and post have been raised about this topic.. Sox I applaud you for asking questions because Society can not change what it does not understand or relate too..
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224. If you or anyone you know ever may need this I thought it irresponsible of me not to post it.. |
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I, of course, am very concerned about this problem. It's the people that don't respect women for what they do for us that cause these problems, and it shouldn't be happening.
Living in an urban area my whole life, I honestly saw a lot of objectification of women, and the way the kids in my school got with women was hitting them and being complete assholes. The number one thing that I will always remember from my parents' teachings is that women should never be hit. Thus, when I do see something like that happening, I pledge myself to reporting it, and doing whatever I can to stop it. |
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 I, of course, am very concerned about this problem. It's the people that don't respect women for what they do for us that cause these problems, and it shouldn't be happening. Living in an urban area my whole life, I honestly saw a lot of objectification of women, and the way the kids in my school got with women was hitting them and being complete assholes. The number one thing that I will always remember from my parents' teachings is that women should never be hit. Thus, when I do see something like that happening, I pledge myself to reporting it, and doing whatever I can to stop it. you are a good man
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I, of course, am very concerned about this problem. It's the people that don't respect women for what they do for us that cause these problems, and it shouldn't be happening. Living in an urban area my whole life, I honestly saw a lot of objectification of women, and the way the kids in my school got with women was hitting them and being complete assholes. The number one thing that I will always remember from my parents' teachings is that women should never be hit. Thus, when I do see something like that happening, I pledge myself to reporting it, and doing whatever I can to stop it. you are a good man I'm just glad this topic wasn't about you getting hit. I would have to put the beatdown on someone. 
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