My ex who has been out of the picture for 9 years now. ..has resurfaced trying to mend the damage he has done to his relationship with his children. Our children 21, 16 &12 want nothing do with him. This stems from him not being there over the years. There were times he would call & set something up with them only to not show up or call & cancel at the last minute. There's a memory I can't shake in my mind of my son at 6 years old sitting on a couch with his coat on waiting to go out with Daddy (who never showed or even called). There's many more incidences like that.
For the past 2 months he has been suddenly sending child support & calling & texting regarding the kids.(I thought maybe the courts put another scare in him so he was gonna try to make an impression)
Low & behold he showed up at the door with a birthday card and $100 for our daughter's birthday.To which she went in her room and shut her door & refused to even see or thank him. The 12 yr old went out the back door saying he did'nt want to see him either. The 16 yr. old took off earlier to avoid him altogether.I actually felt sorry for him as he stood there in my kitchen alone, no kids to visit. He said.... "Thats okay I guess I desreve it".

I've actually been in the place of your children and I've learned over the years (in hind sight mostly) that two wrongs don't make it right. If I was to continue to avoiding my father and having nothing to do with him, I was no better than he. After all, now I have a choice, and I choose to have the relationship with him, not for him, but for me, to keep my side of the street clean. After years of avoiding him after he put forth an effort, it was I that owed him an amends. Another thing I learned, is that things don't happen in my time, but they do happen and I should be grateful when they do.

you make your bed and then you have to sleep in it

he'll either work it out with em

or he won't

That goes both ways for the parties involved, sadly...

I hope they can learn to forgive but he has wronged them in so many ways over the years. I try not to intervene but I will not force them to spend time with him. I can't anymore anyhow.

Like I said, most was learned in hind sight and it wasn't until I realized that the choice was now mine, that it began to make sense

True
But how could he not know what he was doing over the years to them? Does he expect them to come running?? The kids are the ones who lost out. Feeling bad for him only lasted a minute.

Thats it also, I don't want the kids to regret never trying(but the outcome has always been the same) It's a shame when you don't trust a single word your father says.

I believe that after all of that time, the bridges are burned.

I forgive for me, not the other person...

Yeah I think so too. I don't really know how to tell him that.... even though I have before. He must realize it's for real now. Their not little kids with hurt feelings anymore. They are almost grown. I try to keep some kind of opening for them but they don't want it....and I really don't care to be anywhere near him.

Thomas, I totally agree.

Dawnette, you know what you want. Just do it.

I have been divorced for 8 years...It is pretty simple to say NO...

Men are A** H***s

You mean, Men have A** H***s????