Topic: I think my son is gay
w0m4n
Joined Wed 08/24/11 Posts: 8582 |
QUOTE: he is normal. teenagers do many things that confuse their parents having a family and children doesn't always happen in the traditional man and woman procreate blood offspring. if he is gay, he could become involved with a man who wants to adopt children. if he is straight he could become involved with a woman who cannot conceive children stop worrying about his future and enjoy the time you have with him today. rest assured that you raised him to know right from wrong and have kept him safe with a roof over his head, food in his belly, and clothes on his back I really love my son, no matter what. These were not the only remarkable signs that I can mention. Even the people close to us asked me about it. I just tried to comprehend that probably he grew up with refine ladies around him that`s why he imbibed most of our ways. I just have this feeling that if he was with his father, things might have been different. I really appreciate your feedback. Thanks. |
singmesweet
Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 25451 |
QUOTE: QUOTE: he is normal. teenagers do many things that confuse their parents having a family and children doesn't always happen in the traditional man and woman procreate blood offspring. if he is gay, he could become involved with a man who wants to adopt children. if he is straight he could become involved with a woman who cannot conceive children stop worrying about his future and enjoy the time you have with him today. rest assured that you raised him to know right from wrong and have kept him safe with a roof over his head, food in his belly, and clothes on his back I really love my son, no matter what. These were not the only remarkable signs that I can mention. Even the people close to us asked me about it. I just tried to comprehend that probably he grew up with refine ladies around him that`s why he imbibed most of our ways. I just have this feeling that if he was with his father, things might have been different. I really appreciate your feedback. Thanks. If he is gay, he still would be gay if his father was around as well. There's nothing you could have done to change that. Just let him be who he is going to be. 
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w0m4n
Joined Wed 08/24/11 Posts: 8582 |
QUOTE: QUOTE: I have sole custody of my children. My son is the youngest of three, he 15 years old now and grew up with me. He`s basically surrounded by me and my two other adult daughters. He is smart and in a french immersion program and a constant honor student. He`s sporting a typically longer hair, he walks very refine he joins dance troupes and he dances like a young lady. I enrolled him to Karate which he`s doing very well but during breaks he sits like a lady. I drove him twice to an activity and was surprised that he hangs out with young ladies, his age. I talked to him about it, he said he has plans about his life that he wants to have a family and children one day, but what I am seeing on his actions and ways were totally the opposite. I wish I am wrong. I love him to death but God knows I want to see him as any normal grown up man one day. I don`t know what to do. Please help! I went through it too hon. Unfortunately, there is only so much we can control. Environment and society have a great influence on our kids too and they will usually want to fit into circumstances they have learned to feel oomfort with. At 15, there is not much left to do. Puberty is confusing and clouded in judgment. I found out initially by checking out teen sites like myspace and youtube to find out he was identifying as 'bisexual',,,eventually he went to college with three roommates who were homosexual, and now thats how he identifies himself. Just let him know he is loved and continue to try and raise him consistently within your values and beliefs. Its the best you can do. As I said, that`s what I have in my heart, If my son would be staying with his father, circumstances might have been different. That`s why in our conversation, I told him that I would be more than happy if he will go out with his male classmates/friends but he finds every reason not to. It was really difficult that values and religion goes hand in hand in raising our children, where morals, faith and ethics were very delicate topic to discuss and deep for children to appreciate. Thank you for your contribution. |
RainbowTrout
Joined Fri 04/06/07 Posts: 13512 |
If he was with his father and turned out be like his father would that be a good thing? What was his father like?
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w0m4n
Joined Wed 08/24/11 Posts: 8582 |
QUOTE: just love him give him the freedom to be who he is and whoever that is, just love him Thank you, I really do. My heart was really bleeding. I accepted him as he is. The pressure sometimes comes from my daughters who just keep on bothering me why I just allow my son to act this way. I told them, we are his family and he needs love and support. This is where the house was becoming divided. |
Ladylid2012
Joined Sun 07/05/09 Posts: 42156 |
QUOTE: QUOTE: just love him give him the freedom to be who he is and whoever that is, just love him Thank you, I really do. My heart was really bleeding. I accepted him as he is. The pressure sometimes comes from my daughters who just keep on bothering me why I just allow my son to act this way. I told them, we are his family and he needs love and support. This is where the house was becoming divided. i know you love him 
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w0m4n
Joined Wed 08/24/11 Posts: 8582 |
QUOTE: The best thing you can do for him is continue to love him as you always have. If he is gay, you're not going to be able to change that. Thank you, I always do. I am still hoping if there are still other ways for me to address and if possible avert his condition. |
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Ladylid2012
Joined Sun 07/05/09 Posts: 42156 |
QUOTE: QUOTE: The best thing you can do for him is continue to love him as you always have. If he is gay, you're not going to be able to change that. Thank you, I always do. I am still hoping if there are still other ways for me to address and if possible avert his condition. avert his condition stop his 'gayness' huh |
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singmesweet
Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 25451 |
QUOTE: QUOTE: The best thing you can do for him is continue to love him as you always have. If he is gay, you're not going to be able to change that. Thank you, I always do. I am still hoping if there are still other ways for me to address and if possible avert his condition. I'm not sure that referring to possibly being gay as a "condition" is the best way to go. Do you know any gay people? If so, maybe talk to them. Let them explain to you how things have gone in their lives and maybe it will help you to understand a bit more? And if he's not gay, but just a bit feminine, there's probably not much you can do for that either. He is who he is. |
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RainbowTrout
Joined Fri 04/06/07 Posts: 13512 |
My daughter and her male room mate both got along fine in college. They both liked the opposite sex. My daughter knew she would be welcomed even if she brought her girlfriend. They slept in the spare bedroom. They didn't complain that the bed was single because they had been close for a long time. I wonder if she will ask her old gay room mate to be her best man at her wedding?
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w0m4n
Joined Wed 08/24/11 Posts: 8582 |
QUOTE: QUOTE: I have sole custody of my children. My son is the youngest of three, he 15 years old now and grew up with me. He`s basically surrounded by me and my two other adult daughters. He is smart and in a french immersion program and a constant honor student. He`s sporting a typically longer hair, he walks very refine he joins dance troupes and he dances like a young lady. I enrolled him to Karate which he`s doing very well but during breaks he sits like a lady. I drove him twice to an activity and was surprised that he hangs out with young ladies, his age. I talked to him about it, he said he has plans about his life that he wants to have a family and children one day, but what I am seeing on his actions and ways were totally the opposite. I wish I am wrong. I love him to death but God knows I want to see him as any normal grown up man one day. I don`t know what to do. Please help! You said..... "I love him to death but God knows I want to see him as ANY normal grown up man one day." "I don't know what to do."... See him! Take "any" out of your thinking and replace it with "only"........gay or straight, both are normal... There is nothing to do except continue to love, nurture, guide, and support your son .....
Thanks, as I mentioned I always do, If any of the parents who were on the same boat as me. How did they approach it. Only thinking if there are ways to treat and or correct it. |
2KidsMom
Joined Tue 09/30/08 Posts: 29512 |
QUOTE: just love him give him the freedom to be who he is and whoever that is, just love him |
Seakolony
Joined Fri 11/07/08 Posts: 10355 |
If he is gay it wasn't a choice to behave this way.It's who he is. No matter what anyone else says, do what you know is right by supporting who he is and loving him as your child, unconditionally.
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w0m4n
Joined Wed 08/24/11 Posts: 8582 |
QUOTE: QUOTE: I have sole custody of my children. My son is the youngest of three, he 15 years old now and grew up with me. He`s basically surrounded by me and my two other adult daughters. He is smart and in a french immersion program and a constant honor student. He`s sporting a typically longer hair, he walks very refine he joins dance troupes and he dances like a young lady. I enrolled him to Karate which he`s doing very well but during breaks he sits like a lady. I drove him twice to an activity and was surprised that he hangs out with young ladies, his age. I talked to him about it, he said he has plans about his life that he wants to have a family and children one day, but what I am seeing on his actions and ways were totally the opposite. I wish I am wrong. I love him to death but God knows I want to see him as any normal grown up man one day. I don`t know what to do. Please help! Men need a male role model, without one, he is behaving as a woman. I suggest you encourage him to be friends with more boys and buy him a copy of "No More Mr Nice Guy". That`s what I have in my mind too, maybe I am way too mommy for him. I love him so much that he knows that I can`t and would`t hurt him. I know that children gets the worst when parents decided to divorce or separate. This happens when he was in grade school and his studies and behaviour get affected by it. A friend recommended this book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens and I observed a significant improvement. I would try to read the synopsis of the book that you recommend. Thank you for your input, I really appreciate the man`s point of view on this topic. Please don`t get me wrong, I really can`t thank you all for this. |
Leigh2154
Joined Sun 10/02/11 Posts: 8493 |
QUOTE: My condolences, boonedoggy. I know how it feels to lose somebody you love.
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singmesweet
Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 25451 |
QUOTE: QUOTE: QUOTE: I have sole custody of my children. My son is the youngest of three, he 15 years old now and grew up with me. He`s basically surrounded by me and my two other adult daughters. He is smart and in a french immersion program and a constant honor student. He`s sporting a typically longer hair, he walks very refine he joins dance troupes and he dances like a young lady. I enrolled him to Karate which he`s doing very well but during breaks he sits like a lady. I drove him twice to an activity and was surprised that he hangs out with young ladies, his age. I talked to him about it, he said he has plans about his life that he wants to have a family and children one day, but what I am seeing on his actions and ways were totally the opposite. I wish I am wrong. I love him to death but God knows I want to see him as any normal grown up man one day. I don`t know what to do. Please help! You said..... "I love him to death but God knows I want to see him as ANY normal grown up man one day." "I don't know what to do."... See him! Take "any" out of your thinking and replace it with "only"........gay or straight, both are normal... There is nothing to do except continue to love, nurture, guide, and support your son .....
Thanks, as I mentioned I always do, If any of the parents who were on the same boat as me. How did they approach it. Only thinking if there are ways to treat and or correct it. If you really do think he's gay, that's not something you can treat or correct. |
mightymoe
Joined Sun 11/19/06 Posts: 16182 |
QUOTE: The best thing you can do for him is continue to love him as you always have. If he is gay, you're not going to be able to change that. how do you know that? have you ever tried? |
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w0m4n
Joined Wed 08/24/11 Posts: 8582 |
QUOTE: I knew a boy in high school who shot himself because he was gay. He had never had sex with anyone, he just knew he liked boys. He wouldn't tell his parents because he always knew it was a sin in their eyes...he choose to die instead of live and have his father's heart broken and the stigma of not being 'normal' His name is Lee and I resented his father for 15 years. I know a family who had a 20 something son in and out of jail for years. The last contact I had with any of them has been 10 years now..he was in jail then at about 27. She had a stepson who was married to a black woman, a beautiful and kind black woman. she said to us one time..." Well Ricky may have his issues but at least he's 'normal'..I'd rather see him in jail than married to a (n word) What a horrible thing for a mother to say and actually believe! As a mother of 3 grown sons..I would rather have them know I love them no matter what than have them so desperate as to take their own lives. If their relationship is healthy and they are "happy" this is by far better than rotting in a prison cell. At the end of the day we want our children to be happy.... So true, we don`t want that, I keep on praying to God to give me the courage and strength to guide him to the right path and accept the things that I cannot change. Just thinking about the story itself made my heart and entire being melt. Thanks for sharing. |
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Ladylid2012
Joined Sun 07/05/09 Posts: 42156 |
My sons come from a broken home, my sons did not turn out gay ( maybe they should have as i would have totally accepted THEIR choices) my sons never acted feminine because they were raised and around mostly women.
You've done NOTHING wrong..and neither has he. By your posts you have already made your disappointment obvious, to us and safe bet to your son..even if you have not said it verbally, he knows how you feel. The guilt and shame has already been placed on him, the damage is already done. good luck to you
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singmesweet
Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 25451 |
QUOTE: QUOTE: The best thing you can do for him is continue to love him as you always have. If he is gay, you're not going to be able to change that. how do you know that? have you ever tried? How do you think being gay can be treated or corrected? Can you being straight be treated or corrected? |