Before anyone freaks out, this is NOT about me. My ex is married to a woman who is 40 and she wants to have a baby. She has had 3 children but wants to have one with her new husband. This concerns me greatly as she is 40 and he is 45. What are your thoughts on having babies when you are over 40?

As long as there are no health issues, what's the problem?

I had my last baby at 35 and it was considered a riskier pregnancy due to my age.

Really? 35 isn't even that old.

as long as it is not her first she should be fine. And she would prolly be fine if it was her first.

She maybe considered a risk pregnancy at that age, but they will monitor her closely. My sister was well over 40 for her 3rd pregnancy

the fact that she had had 3 healthy pregnancies so far actually increases the chance that this pregnancy will also be healthy

it should be fine as long as she is in good health

they may have her do genetic counseling IDK if they still do that at age 40

because the age for healthy pregnancy had increased

They offered that to me for my last baby. But, I declined as abortion was not an option regardless of the test results. I'm sure they still offer it to anyone over 35.

Theres a greater risk of Downs syndrome.

She is probably best to have a thorough physical before she gets pregnant and discuss all the pros and cons with her doctor.

My sister had her first child at 40 and that was well over 30 years ago. She was fine and so was the baby even back then.
Things have advanced so much more now. So don't worry too much Ruth.

I knew someone who had twins at 40 last year. She and the babies were completely fine.

I looked at some stuff online and it seems that it is not considered as risky as it once was. There are definitely more risks though and Down's Syndrome is one of them.

People are living healthier and longer now. If you are in good health, non smoker, no drugs, etc. I see no reason that they can't do it.

But they're nuts.

Well, that's what I told my ex-husband.

That's my story too. My parents were 40 when my brother and I were born. No problems medically.

However, I at least (not sure about my brother) always felt a little out of place, because our parents were a generation older than the parents of other kids our age. Which meant that our parents didn't really socialize with those parents, but rather with older people. All our cousins were adults. It wasn't a major problem, but did seem odd.

The other thing that happens when you have kids at that age is that you're likely to not have as long a life with them. Both my parents were dead before I was 40. It's just another thing to consider.

I suppose this is not PC, but why does she need to have another baby just because she has a new husband? (I know there's no answering that.)

Because that is what mating (marriage) is "supposed" to be all about. Otherwise why get married? Just to become legally or financially entangled? Yuck.

I think that after the child bearing years, a marriage is more like a business or agreement, rather than the raising of children.

So what's the agreement? To only have sex with that person, to share all your worldly goods, and to take care of you when you are in diapers and wearing bibs.

I understand what you're saying JB, both about the baby and about marriage. But my childbearing years are way, way in the past, and yet if my current brand-new relationship should work out, I'd really love to get married. For me, it's because it would prove that he was willing to be THAT committed to me. That's a feeling that I've never had in my life, so I'd treasure it.

My mom had two kids in her 40s and both had severe retardation. So, yep it is risky at the age of 40.

I think its more about physical health than physical age. The body lets us know when we are too old (women) through menopause. If its still creating the eggs, and we arent in poor health, it shouldnt be an issue.

I had my last child at 37 and he was a full term baby with no probs.

My sister had her 1st child at 45 and she went to term with no probs. Hers wasn't a planned pregnancy and I personally think she was incredibly lucky.

Putting Human Rights issues to one side, IMO, there should be a 'cut off' age when it comes to older women and alternatives such as adoption/surrogacy explored.

Saying what I really mean...a woman of 40 with three children already wanting another child is being selfish. Regardless of whether she/they have the means to support another child shouldn't matter, she needs to concentrate on the children she already has and work on ensuring that they grow up as well adjusted young adults.

I think it would be terrible to just go by physical age

I do think women should be checked for their HEALTH and told about their options and their risks based upon health

In first pregnancies, then I totally agree as I think that every woman should experience childbirth however, I'm not as tolerant if a woman has existing children as I think the risks of possible, ongoing health issues with the child should outweigh a woman's desire for more children.

Just because some women are able to carry a pregnancy to term at 40 or over with no problems, doesn't mean that they should.