Do you hold your "new date" compared to what you used to have? Isn't that being a bit unfair as everyone is different?

I try not to do comparisons....

It may be unfair, but when you have had a great connection with someone & they were also hot, well you just want that again. You cant help comparing. They are a part of what makes you who you are today. Talking about my husband here :-)

To an extent I do hold my date to some expectations that my past relationships did set the bar to, both good and bad expectations.

Bad, yes I have mentioned before, I did go on a date where the girl literally was text messaging her ex boyfriend the entire date and ignored me. The only reason why I stayed for that date was because hunger had taken over and my food was right in front of me. Nowadays, I turn my phone off instead of silent and when they ask what I am doing with my phone thinking I am texting a girl, I tell them I am turning my phone off. So far, yes, some continued to text others, but most find it respectable and try to offer me the same respect.

Good, Yes, I am a little old fashioned, and I do expect the lady I take out to respect that, I open the car door for you to get in and out, I hold doors open. I still do hold every woman up to that expectation, if they find it offensive that I am that old fashioned, I honestly do not think it would work out. I have tried to break that habit, and give the more independent women their independence, but I just find that I cannot. I find it a good thing to be a little old fashioned with the class acts that live in my area though. It kinda earns me a few extra brownie points on them first dates, and continues to earn brownie points when they realize that it is who I am and not that I am not just trying to impress a girl.

Yep and I am so thankful that he is nothing like them.
I have to be the absolute worst picker of men in the world.

When I came to mingle, my 13 year old daughter and 15 year old sone picked out the people who I should talk to..

Thankfully my daughter picked out my hubby, she has way sense than me.

It is common to compare to a point...We all want the good that we had in others and not the bad....But it all has to start with one that appeals to us first... If they don't have that appeal then for me it will not go any farther...

I don't see that it is being unfair looking for one that has the qualitys that will make you happy....

I think something is probably "off" or "wrong" in a relationship if people do a lot of "comparing." (To past dates and mates.)..I'd probably take it as a "sign" that I'm not the "best match" for someone. (If they constantly compared me to people in their past.) Or a "sign" that someone is still emotionally attached to someone from their past....I haven't been on any dates since my husband passed away 2 years ago. It's still too soon for me and I don't want to make anyone "feel bad" because they're not just like my husband...Maybe I'll reach a point down the road where I'll feel a little more "open" and "free" and willing to start over again with someone "new." (Even if he's different than my husband!)

I think the point of experiences are to 'compare' them

by virtue of remembering things, we collect lessons and warnings to learn from and draw upon


It is unfair to expect DUPLICATION from one person to the next, but it is more than fair to recognize what worked and what didnt and to use that to discern the potential success of future relations,,,

Each, based on their own merits. IDENTIFY similarities, differences, compatibility and so on..no comparisons welcomed or necessary in all respects. jmho

No, I don't do comparisons as I haven't met many good men to compare to. However; my dates always did that to me.

No, I don't compare. I admit I used too though. Mostly I would compare mannerisms. I have never really compared one man's personality to any other men's, but I guess I compared things they did or didn't do.

Gosh. I don't think I do and hope I don't
Everyone is different.

I don't feel I compare a date to my past ex's. However, I do listen and watch a date as I try to get a vibe of who they are, what they are all about, etc. I don't think it's wrong to know what you liked about past relationships and look for those same things in future relationships. But you can't compare one person to another. A new date could possess those qualities that you desire, and also bring new ones to the table. And that is a win-win in my book.

I agree!...And a new date can possess the qualities you desire and cancel them out with traits you do not desire...Paying attention to the actions, attitudes, and values of a person your are dating is not being unfair, it's being realistic...You're doing both of you a favor...

^ Couldn't have said it better myself. perfecto...

Nope. I don't compare people to each other.

I don't compare the people, I do compare their behaviour.

I dO compare, and I now have the best woman I've ever had

You sweet little chit...

hi! who are you ???

oops