ME - Smooth as a baby's arse, natty dresser (as long it's a wetsuit and shades), and literate.
Smart mouth and sharper mind

YOU - Self absorbed, controlling, manipulative, woman wanted. Eating disorders, drug addictions, mental problems a definite plus. Must be possessive and extremely jealous of me but unfaithful... She must be emotionally distant and have little to no sex drive.

I need a woman who will call me any time, 24/7, no matter what, or how small the problem might be. It doesn't matter to me if I am busy...her problems are so much more important...

Must have a sense of humour, or this will be the shortest court case in history