I am throwing my body to the den of sweet thieves who steal by giving, who rob by showing, who ransack by offering.

Yes, I can't believe I'm back in the race. It feels good, my trainer and my fans are all behind me: Go get a good un, Andrew! Aim for a keeper this time!

It's a daunting process, getting anyone to cosider me. I'm short, heavy, and poor. And those are my GOOD points.

But I don't smoke, don't drink and don't go to church. I am including that, as I hear that's another opiate for the masses, beside junk, snow, crack, grass and sparkle.

I live very comfortably. My needs are simple, and boy, do I get satisfied. The other day I installed a window in my basement! Isn't life grand?

I get around on my bicycle, because I don't need a car, when I'd need one, I get or call a taxi and I still come out on top. Not just in terms of bucks. I have got twice as strong, fifty times healthier and 2 percent lighter (in bodyweight) since I gave up the car this January.

I have no problem meeting women, I just need someone compatible. I figure every second woman would be compatible, but 99 of 101 women think contrarianly, and I am polite and gentlemanly (and smart) enough to accept the superior knowledge of people in the female population over mine.

I am a grammarian by religion, which means I worship the language and all its accoutrements.

------- enough about me. Please send me a note if this tickels your fancy and you feel you would like to explore me further and would be curious to open your wonderful magnificence to me too.

No picture--no reply. No shirts, rollerblades, walkie-talkies and ambivalence over other potential boyfriends are allowed on the premises. Spittig and smoking are verboten. Smiles and enthusiastic yet vacuous nodding are expected and gladly returned with an official receipt.