**UPDATE: I wanted to be a carpenter as a kid but I'm Jewish. My parents didn't want me to have that kind of pressure. END UPDATE**

I've only been divorced once. That said, I'm pretty good at it.

I like the smell of blue playdough.

I think gravity is over-rated, which explains why everyone is trying to lose weight.

I like doors with the handle on the right.

One time, I made sushi on the grill.

I'm really good at sneezing.

I lost my virginity in a card game once.

I aspire to have a profile on a dating/networking site which finds the need to advertise Monistat irrelevant.

I love all sports which require some form of dexterity. Golf rules and IS a sport. Nascar MAY be a sport but I have better excuses to be outside.

Kids and intellectuals get me. My commentary is very nuanced and requires some adjustment. If Forrest Gump and Doogie Howser mated, their kids would really like me.

OH, and I love to cook but never use a recipe. I consider that cheating.

I enjoy humor and MUST find a woman who finds laughter in the smallest of things. I am also seeking a woman of intelligence and marginal beauty at the least. Personality flaws are acceptable, provided I have tangible proof you won't execute my rabbit a la Glenn Close. Feel free to ask anything you'd like; I will answer every email I receive. I call this strategy "COURTESY." More people should endeavor to experiment with this lifestyle as it has served mankind well for millions of years. Finally, let's try to be ourselves. We all add value to the lives of others and a great relationship is built upon equilibrium. I won't force you to endure my rationale for trading Peyton Manning in fantasy football if you promise not to make me posture a guess as to whether or not your jeans make you look like Aretha Franklin at Mardi Gras.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHAT, "FRIEND" ME; but please note that I like my menu of friends to be divisible by 3s so the columns align (kidding). Additionally, if you are going to "friend" me, please try to do a better job of spelling. It's my pet peeve. The interweb is laden with illiteracy and I'm trying to fix it - one profile at a time. FUN!!!