I am probably one of the few people who believe in the miracle called dating sites. You know… I am grown past having trial-and-error relationships. Neither do I have the time to beat around the bush to check the qualities of a man. It could take months to find out a lot of things about someone. So, I prefer a dating site where I can read through men’s profiles and say if the listed qualities match mine and how we can move on from there.
During one of my conversations with a prospective loverboy, whom we have really vibed well, we set our first date. We both fantasized about the date decided on a cool venue and things we might do together. But mostly, we agreed it is best to follow the tide of the day and see where things lead us. I prepared one of my gowns, armless, and just above the knee. With everything prepared beforehand, I said to myself, ‘this is to impress me, that I can be at my best by choice. Well, that was before I got multiple red flags including ‘ex,’ lack of honor, confrontation, and rudeness, that warded me off just the first date.
The D-day came, and I tried to prepare early; sadly, my makeup took a little longer than I had hoped it would. And to add insult to injury, getting a cab to the venue was a bit problematic; it took about 5 minutes to get one. Therefore, I was about 7 minutes late. I know that’s bad for a first date, and I regret ever being late, but worse things happened.
As I sighted my date from the transparent glass of the restaurant before I entered, I prepared an apology. He looked calm, composed, handsome, and of an average build, just how I like my man. With a smile preceding me, I apologized for my lateness. To my bewilderment, this dude, let’s call him Don, complained, ranted, and told me how bad it was to be late to an event or meeting. I knew that already and came in with an apology and was only expecting forgiveness, I was here now, and complaints wouldn’t change anything. Well, the fault was mine, so I owned the confrontation and courteously apologized again.
No meeting, no honor
The tongue-lashing was one, but another thing was how this guy dressed. Don dressed casually as if he was going to get groceries. That was a signal that he wasn’t entirely mindful of the date.
He simply said, “I hope you don’t mind my dressing. I didn’t want to impress you; just wanted to be myself.
I was like…Woah! While my response was a short flash of a smile, it was more than that in my mind. As much as I would appreciate anyone (a man or woman) to not pretend as what they are not, but at least, honoring a meeting by dressing to suit the occasion does not mean to pretend. Everyone dresses comfortably at home, but no one would wear a slip-on to a job interview. A guy that wouldn’t honor our meeting or we being together because he wants “to be himself” is selfish. Such a man would not find it easy to make a compromise.
Something Good about the date
It would be unfair if all I said about this date are what put me off; he has some really great qualities, too. For instance, his eating etiquette was top-notch. He used the cutlery neatly, placed the napkin at the appropriate side before using it, and replaced it carefully. His smile was great and he nice dimples, which he was generous to show off every time he smiled. Don was also conscious about the future; he had his life planned, even though he couldn’t tell what surprises life could bring. Despite his plans, he was realistic and never delusional about things. The guy was also graceful enough to ask about my family if everything was within control.
An ‘ex’ from the past
During our conversation, most of which went well, Don kept setting a standard, inadvertently, by mentioning things with his ex. He would frequently say, “even my ex knew” and “my ex and I.” Maybe it was on purpose or not; I didn’t feel comfortable thinking about the kind of experiences I wanted. His narration about his ‘ex’ insinuated the standards I have to meet or surpass, for an enjoyable relationship. While keeping up with most of the things he hoped for in a relationship was not a mountainous thing to do, I’d rather not hear stories of past relationships as a form of correction whenever I come short. The occasional mention of his Ex made me cringe. It was not jealousy. No. However, a man who couldn’t let go of his past would be difficult to forge a future with.
The confrontational Don
Don was too confrontational for my liking. While sharing my ideals about life, this man would confront me for doing or saying some things. The confrontations came with mild condemnations. Woah. It is only our first date, could you please slow down? You could have, at least, asked the rationale behind my words or beliefs. He didn’t raise his voice with his confrontation. However, if he could be this challenging on our first day together, without seeing all of me, then there is more from where that came from. Having held on and refrain from talking all along, I let my voice out this time.
“Are you always this confrontational?”
“Am I confrontational?” He replied with a question.
How was I supposed to spend the rest of my life with someone like this? Someone who can’t acknowledge his weakness, let alone improve on them?
The last flag
Thinking of How bad a first date could probably get with these red flags? Well, wait until you heard what happened as we were leaving. The door woman had mistakenly caught Don’s shirt as he was walking out after me. She shut the door a little too quickly. Don rebuked her sharply and rudely. A man who would treat ‘mere’ people harshly because of their office beats me. This summed off the red flags, and while he walked me to where I would take a cab, I told him, “Don, you are a good conversationalist with nice etiquettes and conscious of the future. However, we can’t work. I am sorry.”