Every time I meet a guy, he is always excited about my nature. I'm outgoing, passionate and lively person. I spend a lot time with my friends, like to go out for dinners, drinks and dancing. Often go to movies, concerts, theater. Also spend time in gym and go cycling, camping, hiking, fishing and etc. At first they are happy about active life, but in time they start to complain. They want to stay at home and watch TV, they will get upset if I go out with my friends. Then they start set restrictions and rules on me. And from this moment everything starts to fall apart. I don't mind to spend evening on couch and watch football or western movie and drink beer with him, but next evening I would be happy to go out with him and have dinner or something.
It seems like men want to have dignified swan in company, caring hen at home and outrageous tiger in bed. But these are 3 different types of women.

One of my friends has said -- love won't hurt .. disappointment in your expectations does ..
So seems you're an independent young woman, who loves to do everything by your own way, make your own rules and expect the guys to respect that. Sure why not, but two hard stones won't make a good meal ..
If you were two lovers, there would be no problem .. love makes miracles.
Two friends can live together very well, cus they will respect each other's privacy and freedom.
Restrictions and rules in relationship won't lead anywhere, but the reefs.
Personally I'd be happy, if someone like you will drag me out of my comfort zone, but not all the time o/c .. sometimes it's necessary just to sit back, relax and charge the batteries .. get some privacy .. to go on again.

But hey, you're here, searching and looking .. so you haven't given up and that's good!
I'm sure that someday, somewhere, somehow you'll find that mysterious someone, who makes you stay home and watch TV with no complain, lol

Actually, from what I've seen and been, what many of us want is one woman who is all of those things.

I know I certainly don't want a mate who is an outrageous sexual tiger at the restaurant, or a dignified swan at ANY time (I only like humans).

Frankly, it sounds as though what you want is less an actual mate, and more an activity partner. And unless you can afford to lay for at least yourself all the time, a "sugar daddy."

But as to why the guys you've been with "at first... are happy about active life, but in time they start to complain. They want to stay at home and watch TV, they will get upset if I go out with my friends," that's because what THEY are hoping from the beginning, is that the reason you want to go do all those things, is because you want to do things WITH THEM.

After a while, they realize that they are just a vague companion and/or someone to share costs with, to you, and that you actually care more about the activities than who you are with, so their interest lags.

And of course, the kind of active lifestyle you describe, regularly going to restaurants, clubs, excursions, concerts and so on, is TREMENDOUSLY expensive. I love live theater shows, but the tickets run $100 a pair, plus transportation and refreshments, so I don't go to them as often as I would if I were rich.

All this points up why I have NEVER liked the standard "dating" concept here in the West, where the guy arranges a series of adventures with a woman, hoping she'll decide he's worthy of whatever. It leads directly to this kind of complaint, where the woman later whines "you used to want to dress up and go out with me, but now you want to just live real life!"

Beats me.
You aren't all that clear on what their actual complaints are.

I mean:

For all I know this translate to "I get drunk every time I leave the house. All my friends are guys I'm constantly flirting with, and grinding on them on the dance floor. Sometimes I black out and wake up naked at my friends house. That's what my dates are always complaining about and why they set 'restrictions and rules' on me."


Those are normal social facades.
You could easily say: "Most people want in their partner the ability to act civilized, act like they care, act like it's you they want above others, and know the appropriate time to act that way according to how they define appropriate rather than how you do."
(acting being a method of communication, expressing genuine feelings but in a way focused more on using what the other person is guaranteed to understand)



Other than that, all you're really saying is "every time I meet a guy, we date for a while, it doesn't work out. It's always their fault."
Based on the OP, at best, you seem to require people who date you to completely accept and understand your "nature" from the moment they meet you, and to inherently know when and how you are willing to marginally compromise as a favor to them, but it's all about you and what you want.

So,

As is pointed out pretty often on forums, you're the only constant between all of the relationships.
If you don't see any problems with your own behavior, personality, or attitudes, then it's just a matter of randomly finding the one person that may organically fit into your life how you want them to.

From an objective viewpoint, it's "always" going to be this way, the same thing is going to happen "always."
You finding the one person is going to be the exception, with the "aways so" the rule.

Well, quiet mouse will remain quiet mouse in any circumstances, the same about tiger...



Yes, this is the reason I want to go do all those things, to do things WITH THEM. Otherwise I would do by myself.



Going out for dinner doesn't mean most expensive restaurant. Movie tickets aren't expensive too. And it won't kill to by pair of tickets to live show once in a while. I don't mind pay for my companion also, if he would just agree to go.

And there are other activities, which don't cost anything like walk at the seashore or hiking in forest. Just two of us...



Real life is just what we make it to be. Yes, of course there's a daily routine, going to work, coming home deadly tired, doing all those little things which need do be done. This is part of an adult life.

And sometimes is good to stay in bed with him for whole Saturday and just do nothing. Or watch TV all night, lay on couch, eat 2 packs of chips, drink beer and watch most boring football play, just because he loves it so much. Or cook him good dinner and listen for 3 hours with sympathy and excitement how successful was his last business trip, because I actually care. Or sneak out of bed early morning to make him coffee and breakfast and let him have those more 30 minutes to sleep, because he needs it more than I do. Or let him listen drum&base loudly for 3 hours car ride, even if your brains want to flow out of you ears. Or sit with headphones and book in bedroom and let him and his friends have fun in living-room and watch "the most important Formula 1 race". And all that because you care for him. And this is REAL LIFE for me.

But I also want him to accept my interests and hobbies.

And how many times I've heard men complaining about their wives or girlfriends:
"She used to want to dress up and go out with me/for me, but now She wants to just live real life!"

ciretom, you made my day

And I have never said it is his fault.

I think it's your sparkle darling that attracts them in first place
the thrill of the chase..the hunt if you will

once he has you..well then he expects he does not have to work so hard anymore and can just let it all hang loose and be himself

and this means no more date nights or at least not very often

Hmmm, you have an active lifestyle. If your picture is accurate, you are not bad looking. If your lifestyle description is accurate you have plenty of money and little responsibility. You have great social skills. You are searching for someone that matches your impression of life.
I see nothing wrong with that.

That is rooted in selfishness. They love what they see in you and want you all for themselves. Part of a relationship like what you seem to want is for them to want you like you are but people change people in time. They might be thinking that they want you to settle down with them and make a life with them. When you can't commit to their lifestyle it makes it hard for them to commit to yours. Its give and take but according to you, it is something you can't give.
For most people, the things that you consider normal activity are things they place value on so when they get to do those things it is special. Repetition makes the special mundane.

If you have read many of my comments here you will see that I usually promote that you need to know yourself to understand others.

Consider that your view of the world around you is geared to fitting in with society. It comes easy for you. Is it possible that you have an issue with being alone or in the company of one? Do you need that "Party Girl" atmosphere to feel whole? Why?
Is it a fear of commitment? Is it a fear of stagnation? Only you can answer those and other questions.
Consider this...If you found a guy that is EXACTLY like you, would you be satisfied?

Are you sure that you are not also setting restrictions and rules on them?
Have you considered how they see you?

Decades ago, I was the party guy. No responsibility and plenty of money. I always had a problem with girlfriends trying to make me settle down. People always were telling me, "Man, you need to settle down". Hell, I was just having..."Fun".
I understand where you are coming from. I always thought I was being forced to change by every girl I got involved with.
Then...suddenly, I found my "party girl". She was just like me. At first it was glorious. Then I started seeing me in her. I started noticing the coldness of how I was and I grew up. I started to settle down and I really wanted her to be with me but she couldn't.
A few years ago I saw that woman. She was torn up. She looked terrible like life had used her up and twisted her personality into a needy self-pittied old hag. She is pist off at the world and alone. It was sad.

Find yourself and you will find your special someone and both of you can make even the mundane parts of life interesting.
Good Luck!

Just as an addition to my previous post .. IF I were that lucky guy, I'd do everything to make you happy, feeling beloved. However, would expect the same thing from you .. that our mutual and evolving relationship becomes nr one priority for you too.
Socializing, going out with friends, etc, instead of doing something together is a clear sign that this ain't the most important thing .. and I would feel myself superfluous and excluded.
So don't blame these guys .. as the question stands "why ALWAYS .."
There is no good explanation .. it's too personal .. only two people might know the right answer - you and that guy ..

However, perhaps you should ask yourself do you really need a relationship as you're such a busy person (and mom)

Wish you all the best on here!!!

All a matter of degree. I've seen both sides of this kind of concern. You sound with the above, to be pretty reasonable about everything, but I do know that the exact DYNAMIC of how people interact about the "going out versus staying in" quandary is critical.

What I was exploring in my first post, were possibilities for why someone might be REACTING badly to whatever it is you are doing. The details of each of your relationships would have to be explored to figure out if each was a case of them pretending to be more active than they really were to begin with or if you were inadvertently causing them to want to switch to being home-bodies.

I've had experiences where I was having a wonderful time doing various things with someone I thought of as my mate, only to have her turn the fun excursions into torturous work for me after a while. At first,, we went to shows, went on walks, or went to films or whatever and had a good time; but then she started to connect who thought of the event, directly to how worthwhile as a person I was. Instead of going to a play being the fun of going to a play, it was an exercise in me trying to DISPROVE some negative opinion or worry she had about me. Being happy when she occasionally went out with her female friends, switched from being a plus thing for me for being supportive, and became a challenge for me to prove myself in a different way. I was no longer a supportive mate who enjoyed the fact that she was having a good time, I was weak for having allowed her to do as she pleased.

Of course, the most obvious reason why anyone repeatedly has a problem choosing mates, is because some positive trait they look for, is unbeknownst to them, linked directly to a trait that they can't abide. Or that something that they think signals that the person they are after IS what they are looking for, is actually a signal of the opposite.

One of the classic examples of this (nothing to do with your situation) are the women who want a STRONG male counterpart, but mistake violent tendencies in the guy, for actual strength of will. That sort of thing.

Perhaps the guys you are choosing are signalling something OTHER than what you think they are.

I don't blame anyone. The reason may as well be in me. That's I exactly trying to figure out.

Of course, being in relationship means lifestyle changes. You have someone important to share your life and doings with. But it also shouldn't be cutting of from all other world or...?

Anyway, thank you all for responding. I have lot of thinking now.

You have a point. Maybe I really do not need relationship in standard definition, which should lead to cohabitation or marriage. But everyone needs tenderness and closeness.

And my children are grown-up already. I've been living for others for such a long time, putting their wishes and needs higher than my own. And of course, I was very young when I became mom. So I didn't experience many things what young people do. Maybe that's why I really enjoy my freedom and don't want to give up of this so easily.