1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she’s officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach … and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.

11: Only in situations of mortal and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

13: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

15: Women who claim they ‘love to watch sports’ must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly ‘just a friend’ have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question ‘What do you want for Christmas?’ with ‘If you loved me, you’d know what I want!’ gets an Xbox 360. End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.


28: We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

* ‘GUTS’ is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, ‘are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?’
* ‘BALLS’ is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the *** and having the balls to say, ‘You’re next’


I hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Man Laws

^^^^ This is pucked up Don't be listening to her

WE.... Have a solid plan

I loved this thread


Good place to let out the knuckle draggin cromanisms

So they're legalizing edibles up here in October right

So theoretically, I should weigh 300lbs by this time next year

I better get busy, 180 to 300lbs ain't no cakewalk I tell ya

Hockey playoffs IS NOT ice dancing



I'm chairman? cool, Let's take a break, exhausting meeting,

everyone in favor say, Here Here.... pass the splif

What's taking so long?

Could you be a little more vague?

Pick the wrong one, it can be fatal


<<<<< poet in training

That's only 4 words

If Mark Cuban runs, I promise to campaign for the other side


That puckin douche

I'll have whatever she's having


Edit*


Better make mine a double, triple decker

We LOVE your tulips, thousands are gifted to us every year from the Netherlands


Happy Liberation day Crystal


http://www.veterans.gc.ca/eng/remembrance/information-for/educators/learning-modules/netherlands/flowers-of-friendship/story

I'm going to need some help with this

Ice wine

Yes, repent your sins here


Give us 20 Hail Mary Juanas… That'll teach ya


Scoob, the pic above says something about next April being 04/20 all month long

Au contraire dear lady

I'm very proud of you all (does the bowing)

Professional stoners are usually late for 420 holiday celebrations

Spirits choose their victims wisely.

I think we're both safe brother