for it takes death to be alive

^the realization hit me one day, I thought I was afraid to die, quite the contrary I was afraid to live.....

Loved this, and don't all men wish to be shot back into the womb:)...so warm and comforting there...ha ha

I'm not coming back no more

Been here since the beginning of time
a desolate soul roaming the earth
my royalty clothed in torrid rain
since the moment of my birth

old souls collected along the way
begging for eternal release
to finally sleep uninterrupted
for heaven is a moment of peace

another day beckons the morning dew
tattered souls cry out in repressed sorrow
"the Raven" has once again returned
to feast upon the decay awaiting tomorrow.......


Have you ever felt that you've been here forever, and you've just realized you're tired....Don't worry, it's times like these I fight the hardest to maintain what little sanity I have left..........This poem was Inspired by my favorite Song Deja vu', by Teena Marie

I am only a star of millions in the darken sky. I am not the shiniest one... in the midst of all the attention. I am not one of the most important ones that makes up the Big Dipper or the part of the constellation The Hunter that most people see and recognize. I am that lone star that shines within its own merit... happy to just be a part of the whole universe.
My wish is that someone will look up... see me in that star and say... I Choose You.

I can't seem to fall asleep.
And as I stare into the darkness
I catch a vision of myself.
I can see swirling black clouds hanging low overhead.
If I watch for too long, I'll feel the pain.
The pain of my own ignorance.
The staggering truth I try to hide.
I run from myself.
But, I know I can't run forever.
And still, I try...
Hoping one day I'll run fast enough to leave the storm behind.
Some day I will reach that meadow on the edge of my mind.
The one I've dreamed about for so long.
I'll sit underneath the only tree on that cliff.
I'll feel the cool ocean breeze,
As it blows gently across my soul.
I'll take in some deep breathes.
Filling my lungs with the clean air that I have longed for.
And as the sun sets into the horizon,
My eyelids will follow it down.
And with a clear mind,
My soul will be freed.
And then,...
I can go to sleep.

a reflection of my troubled past
silently watches me,
with memories of the entire cast
all the people i use to be.
& the games i played for selfish gains
wearing different masks for every role
drinking away lifes joys and pains
til it seemed i lost my soul.
times gone by, i've changed my mind
& got rid of my selfish ways
but the reflection wants to remind
& bring the darkness of guilt to my days,
but i dont regret what i've been through
it has made me who i am
& given me the knowledge to stay true
and be the best man that i can.
so i smile and wave to my former self
thank him for the lessons &tears
i close the book, put it on the shelf
as a reference for future years

I sit and stare out the window
The atmosphere cold in here
I almost rise to prepare your meal
Then my mind comes crystal clear

Its been six months since you left home
And I grow wearier every day
I no longer have things to do for you
Nor loving words to say

Our girls have grown and live apart
These days should have been our own
But words were said and deeds were done
And I now face life alone

When people say you cry alone
No truer words were spake
My tears have flown a million fold
Since your freedom you did take

Our friends have all deserted me
Tired of my gloom
But I cannot change my feelings
Of an ever closing doom

I`m terrified of life itself
It’s the future I fear most
Loneliness is a fearful guest
And I`m its tearful host

I take no joy from anything
My books I cannot read
As my eyes are failing fast, my dear
And to my terror this does feed

Because 16 weary years ago
Down the selfsame path you went
Eventually you lost your sight
Your life was broke and bent

You went through pain and agony
But I walked at your side
I held your hand each awful night
When you just cried and cried

We both fell prey to despondency
And I failed you in this time
As I tried to cope with three young girls
And I forgot you too were mine

Forgive me dear for my thoughtlessness
As I let you cope with life alone
I couldn`t share my time with you
So you drifted from our home

But If in God you do believe
His justice has been swift
As I now suffer your old solitude
My future blindness is his gift

I face this stress alone my love
No one here to hold my hand
No words of comfort in my ear
No touching your gold band

My darling friend, I grieve your loss
To our tiny family
But I wish you well and happiness
Where ever you may be

In dreams...


In dreams we are near, very near.

Right here, laid next to another.

Face to face, noses nuzzle tenderly.

As we gaze deeply into each others eyes.

No fear, no trembling- except with anticipation.

In dreams we have known each other, every inch, every moment.

In reality we have yet, to lay by side.

To know you, to know me.

Tenderly, filled with love.

Eagerly giving ourselves to each other, fully uninhibited.

Deeply love, not just skin... but soul.

You wonder if you are what I seek, As I wonder am I what you want.

Do we not dream in parallel, Syncchronized.

As finely tuned instraments, playing a love ballad as one.

To be as one, never part. To simply love and live life together.

Caring, sharing, being there for each other.

Fully giving ourselves to one another.

How hard can that be? Dreams do come true.

For if we stop dreaming, we cease living.

Come from peaceful slumber my love, to intwine life together... we.



By: ~ Teddy ~
11-20-2009

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”


C.S. Lewis