Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Sat 10/30/10 09:04 PM
It seems like you both have the same group of friends. Over all if you enjoy being around your friends then try to enjoy yourself. I know it might be easier said then done sometimes. I hope you get it figured out.

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Sat 10/30/10 10:48 AM
Here's something that a friend of mine asked me and I'm just curious to see what others think. I know that it might sound like a strange question because I thought it was when I was asked it. But, here it goes.
Is it possible for two people to remain friends even after they have slept together?

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Fri 10/29/10 06:42 PM
It takes time to find the right person and when the right one does come along then it takes patience and understanding in order to make things the way that you both want it to be. Time apart is ok but time together should not be taken for granted. If this person is on your mind then let them know and don't play mind games that's the worse thing that anyone can do or lead them on. That's what causes misunderstandings and brakes trust.

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Thu 10/28/10 07:10 PM
The way I see it is very simple. When the connection is there, it's there and you can't fight against it. Everything just goes right.

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Thu 10/28/10 05:08 PM
Well of course how a person thinks matters, that's what guides us through life and what we take up tells us if it's something that we enjoy or not.

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Thu 10/28/10 06:04 AM


Well I know that I wasn't looking for pitty when I posted a little bit about myself. I know I put myself in it and I chose to stay until I just had enough. We had a lot of great times that went with the bad just like a lot of others. I'm not trying to blame anyone for my own stupidity and I have a beautiful daughter to share my life with and I do have some great friends and I look forward to meeting more friends.
I could of put a few other things down but there is no point because I know what I'm doing with my life and it's not a competion of who had it worse then others. I have moved on and not having the stress makes things way better. This could of turned into a well he did this, so I did this but we are aldults and the teenage years are long gone. For some it takes time and other people in order to move on and it feels great when we find these other people but just because I chose to deal with one person who was like that doesn't mean that everyone is like that and I always knew that.


then NEVER DEFEND YOURSELF.

ever.

you don't need to.

no need to explain self to anybody.

such only create most of the pain any human suffer's.

self want what it want, and it need no excuse.

then, self only has to look for what wants the same as self, and makes no excuse or defending of itself, and self will never be mistreated in a relationship, EVER.

peace


Yes, I do know this. If others want to hold onto feelings of resentments, there is nothing that I can do about it. One does have to defend themselves or others will think that they can be pushed around and it's not ok to do something to someone because of what's been done to us. Many think that time is all it takes but don't realize that it also takes people too. Finding who we can share ourselves with and who will not just take advantage of our good nature. Mistakes have happened for whatever reason and it's up to us if we want them to continue or not. It's not hard to find the one who can make us laugh when we are feeling down or make us happy. When things feel right then they do and both will know that. If some take time to think when they really enjoyed someone elses company maybe then they will realize what they really let slip away instead of holding onto. They themselves can only realize that, not anyone else. But if they are stopping themselves from being happy then that is their choice to make.

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Wed 10/27/10 10:35 PM


Thanks for all of the comments that everyone has left. They are appreciated. Many, many thanks. It's great to find others who see the bigger picture. Not for what it was but what it could be.
Take care


You are welcome. Does size matter for a house? When you are single I have found that it really doesn't matter. But in dating I have found that size really does matter. One of the turn offs I have found from women is that my house was just too small. I know of married couples who have encountered this problem. At first when they get together a small home or room seems cosy for dating. But after they get married it is like they can outgrow the confines of a small place. Cosy can change dimensions. As Volkswagen says think big. To think big when you are small is part of growing up. To think big when you are small makes sense but to think small when you are big can be a problem.:smile:

Well I think that it depends on someones own personal preferances. We all need to start somewhere and it's up to that person to determine how much space they need. I've seen single people live in large houses because one day they might want to settle down and I've also seen couples live in smaller houses but it's what worked for them at the time. I think that we all know what works for us, so that's what we go with.

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Tue 10/26/10 07:31 PM
I hope that everyone who views this will take a few minutes to post something.
Name 3 things that someone has done to help you when you were going through a tough time?
1. Gave me an opion that showed me that there still are decent people in this world.
2. Took some time out of their own life when I really needed someone around. (Even though at that time I may of been unsure of what I wanted, glad those days are over with :-) )
3. Didn't try to force me to talk about the things that I didn't want to ( with time and understanding things will come out but only when someone feels like the time is finally right for them)
So let's hear about some other helpful things that really helped.

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Tue 10/26/10 09:45 AM
Thanks for all of the comments that everyone has left. They are appreciated. Many, many thanks. It's great to find others who see the bigger picture. Not for what it was but what it could be.
Take care

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Mon 10/25/10 02:55 PM

Right on Sweetestgirl...

And that refers to any type of behavior...

Ignore it long enough, and the lack of response will kill it. Usually, I feel, it takes but 5 or 6 times of not responding, that the offender will finally stop. That takes discipline on the part of the one that is doing the listening...

Besides... no one can give an answer to anyone else. Each person, must learn on their own. I have found, that when a person persists in a behavior, it's because they KNOW the answer, they just don't like the answer... So, they look for another answer... And can't find it.

Letting go is a measure of maturity.

And let's remember... WANTING... has NEVER done or accomplished anything... EVER.

Only... DOING, can make things happen...

frustrated


That's all that I have been doing and to a point it has worked but then they start again and I just say that I really just don't want to hear it anymore. Things are good for a little time and then silly questions come up weeks or even months later. I'm coming to the conclusion that others just don't like seeing me finally be happy with how my life is going. That's all I can think of. Thanks for the response.

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Mon 10/25/10 09:46 AM
I write and sew. Sometimes take pictures but I'm trying to learn how to draw too.

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Sun 10/24/10 09:25 PM
Well I know that I wasn't looking for pitty when I posted a little bit about myself. I know I put myself in it and I chose to stay until I just had enough. We had a lot of great times that went with the bad just like a lot of others. I'm not trying to blame anyone for my own stupidity and I have a beautiful daughter to share my life with and I do have some great friends and I look forward to meeting more friends.
I could of put a few other things down but there is no point because I know what I'm doing with my life and it's not a competion of who had it worse then others. I have moved on and not having the stress makes things way better. This could of turned into a well he did this, so I did this but we are aldults and the teenage years are long gone. For some it takes time and other people in order to move on and it feels great when we find these other people but just because I chose to deal with one person who was like that doesn't mean that everyone is like that and I always knew that.

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Sun 10/24/10 08:25 PM


i don't think there is really a right answer here. we all deal with basically the same things in life, but there are many different ways to do that.

sometimes it is the things that follow the bad that dictate our near futures. meaning, if we don't find good people shortly after the bad, we become jaded and some people live as though they expect more of the same. consequently, that is exactly what they receive.


just be careful we dont blame the victim. no wants to be treated badly.

I don't look at people as victims when I hear their stories, I look at them as survisors who wanted things to change, so they did. I was told something a few weeks ago that would  of been enough to make most people run and loose touch with someone but I looked at it as this person is the same as me. Wants the same things out of life and really isn't too scared to just go after them. After hearing a lot of things that triggered a few things in me, I must say that this person really did help and doesn't even know it. But I will be saying thanks just because that's who I am. I know that I'm not a victim otherwise I wouldn't of taken the time to get to know anyone. I'd still be thinking that all they want to do is hurt me but I do enough of that myself, so there really isn't much more that someone else could do. Well actually yeah, that would be creating a distance that really isn't needed but I need my space too and just saying that I could use a hug and some company sometimes must be to much to ask for. So I just stop asking, what else am I really suppose to do but respect others wishes. Over all, it's really not that bad.

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Sun 10/24/10 04:05 PM

Think of yourself as a Book.
Each day you flip a page.
There look to be a lot of pages.
At first.

Your choice is always to read on,
see what is happening.
Or to stay on one page, or even
go back, reread over and over.
You can spot those people.
They go nowhere.
Not even on to their own story.

And all the while the pages are
flipping.
Never as many as we thought.

Very nicely said. Thanks
I have thought of myself as a book.. I do believe I'm on chapter 7. Sure I peeked back from time to time but I didn't get stuck in the rut of it. It was just a glance so that I knew how far I have really come not a reminder but it's what got me this far and I know it will take me further. It's great to set goals and achieve what I wanted to and that's just why I can see things differently. I got tired of being around some people who can only see it one way and that's it. My chapter 8 is going to be wonderful and I know it because I will make it that way.

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Sun 10/24/10 03:53 PM

I dont really know what youre specifically referring to but I think if someone has not gotten over something, it must be because they havent found closure.

Like most responses offer, we are the sum of our experiences. The past is never simply the past...its becomes who we are...positive or negative.

If what you really mean is 'why cant they forgive them for that thing they did last year?' then... it has not been resolved yet, and that is why it keeps coming up.

If they ask you questions and you cant answer, then of course they look to someone else. Maybe you are worried that an objective person would actually give the right answer that the other person did not want to give?

Maybe you have given the right answer and it is simply not the one they wanted.

It would be easier to reply to what your getting at, if you were more specific.


I dunno, if they cant trust you because of who THEY are rather than because of who YOU are, then its prolly a losing battle, which it sounds like you are getting at...



Ok, to be more specific, I know that I attract people who are like me. They grew up the same way. They were hurt the same way. Some have even done some of the same things that I have done but for different reasons. We all have our reasons as to why we are doing what we are doing in our life and it's really no one elses business as to why we are. If I want someone to know something then I say it to them and when it got repeated to others then well the trust was broken and I just stayed quiet, not talking to anyone about anything anymore. I have tried to say a little bit but without the whole story then they just draw their own conclusions. I will talk with my family different then my co-workers and my friends just like everyone does. I uses to be scared to be alone but now it seems to be better then being someones emotion punching bag. I don't like talking about my tough times because I figured out how to get through them. I have always been told that I am such a nice, kind, sweet and understanding person but then I thought and what the heck is so wrong about that. I am who I am and no one can change it because I like who I am. Then I also thought is that my problem, I don't try to take advantage of others, I don't use others and I don't complain about the things that I had no control over changeing. I don't think about what I can get out of a situation and if something great happens then awsome, right on! I know that I can't fix things for others because they need to have control over their own lives but it really is nice to spend time with someone just because that person wants and needs the company too and when that happens they usually run and it just doesn't make any sense. They say that they want the same things but then come up with reasons to put the distance there. I know first hand that keeping busy only works to a point and then the day does come when we sit there and say to ourselves . I hope that person can understand that I didn't mean to hurt them but it just happened that way. Sorry but to me that's a crock of well you know. I don't like starting something if I don't think that I can finish it or I won't even try to get it started to begin with. My life is just as hectic as the next person but I don't care how crappy my day might of been I still made the time for the people that I thought were important to me just because I wanted too. So the only conclusion that I came up with was the fact that those people got what they wanted from the situation and I guess if they really want to stay in touch then they will. The last thing that I want to do is bother someone or add to whatever they have going on in their life. I know that I'm not that kind of person.


Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Sun 10/24/10 02:21 PM

The past, the present and the future are all part of us. Time is a human invention. It is a good thing to get over the past especially if one doesn't have a photographic memory. And just how much of that memory can still be jaded when just certain parts of it come to our mind or we remember it from just our point of view? We can get preconceived notions from past experiences that we may think could help us in a present or future experience. When I was hitch hiking I would get these dejavu moments when meeting new people that I had never even met before. I thought at one time it would be good to be an open book because it would help me with my ability to become more honest. From past experience this open book idea had the potential for me to be an easy mark. Vulnerability was not something I was wanting to acquire because I had already acquired that from past experiences. Accepting life on its own terms though was something that I wanted to acquire because that is something that I had had trouble with in the past. By accepting life on its own terms my life became more stable. I could meet people with similar goals and we could learn from each other because we were all attracted to stability. A structured lifestyle can be good for one whether they are stable or not. I used to look at people who weren't deep into intellectualism as shallow but that may not always be the case.:smile:

yes I know that life is one learning experience after another and finding people with the same interests always helps. I also know for some that the healing process does take time but what I have found out is that it takes people too, not just time. Things that have happened can't be changed but just because some people hurt me it doesn't mean that the next person will. I know this but for whatever their reasons are, they seem to think that I will. That's why I say" I just don't get it sometimes" I also believe that things happen for a reason and we people for a reason but yes, it's up to us who we want in our life.

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Sun 10/24/10 01:03 PM
This is in response to davidben1. I'll say that you are right about misery sometimes loves company but that's only when the person is looking for that. I used to never tell anyone about anything that I was going through and because of this I always looked like the bad person when I know that I'm not. I chose to put up with everything that I did because at those moments in life I was all for that people can change if they want to. I was asked to open up and talk about my past but I chose not to for my own reasons and it may have put up borders in many of my friendships but I know that I will get through this just like everything else that I have gotten through in life. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with traumas that they are going through in life. All I know is that I'm not the person who caused them any of the pain that they are going through. I can offer advice and even a shoulder. I might be slender but I know that I am a very strong person. I'm not out to take advantage of anyone that I meet but I got sick of all of the hidden agendas. I take up my issues with the people that have caused them, not the people that have the own demons to face. I can listen to people talk for hours about how someone is causeing them pain and that person usually figures things out on their own. It is up to us as people to figure out what we want out of life and how we are going to get out there and find it. So yeah, I'm at a point of sure I can share my past stories but it doesn't mean that I am letting them hinder what's going on with me right now. I know that I'm not the one who crapped in their cornflakes , so I really don't need them crapping in mine either. I only share what I want to and when I feel it is the right time to do it. No one should ever have to feel unsafe, no matter where they are or dress a certain way so that others won't try to speek with them. I know this from my own first hand experiences. What others have done to me has helped me realized what I will and what I won't put up with in my life. Some have had way to many second chances and it was done by their doing. There is only so much that a person can deal with and when others look at some of their actions they maybe they will see it too. I really don't scare easily, so I don't know why some people might be trying to scare me off. If someone needs time and some space then I give it to them but I will still keep in touch every now and again and besides, they can contact me too whenever they want to. I don't turn my back on my friends when I know that they can use a hand with something or just need someone to talk too. I treat them the way that I want to be treated and when some take a moment and think about it then they will realize that. Well that's my two cents once again, take it for whatever it might be worth. 
Take care,
:smile:

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Sun 10/24/10 11:50 AM

those that comfort because they wish for comfort themself, simply create "misery love's company", so, self will but MAGNETIZE ITSELF, TO THE SAME TYPE ENERGY, SAME TYPE PEOPLE, OVER AND OVER, until...



Maybe you should be speaking for your self ...I comfort someone to ease thier unhappiness out of compassion and caring...to cheer them up...maybe you should try it eh ohwell

Very well said. :smile: To me it's just nice to know that some have gone through worse but still have come out of it ok and I don't mean that it's a good thing that something bad has happened to them but at least they are not to scared to share it with others. To me this is how some strong friendships are built. :smile:

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Sun 10/24/10 11:41 AM

i don't think there is really a right answer here. we all deal with basically the same things in life, but there are many different ways to do that.

sometimes it is the things that follow the bad that dictate our near futures. meaning, if we don't find good people shortly after the bad, we become jaded and some people live as though they expect more of the same. consequently, that is exactly what they receive.

yeah, I guess when someone has been screwed over before, they almost think that it's going to happen over and over. But, I know that I'm not the one who crapped in their corn flakes.. lol So I guess that I think that they shouldn't try to crap in mine. It only makes sense to me. I just don't have the time to frustrated
thanks for the reply:smile:

Sleepless_nights_78's photo
Sun 10/24/10 01:04 AM
Well not just sometimes but with everyone. I basically know what my answer is but I was just wondering.
"why do some people not know how to just let the past, stay the past? and another thing "when asked a question and the person is not able to answer it, why do they ask someone else, who probably doesn't even know the RIGHT answer anyways?
I get to know people for who they are now, we all have done things that we are not proud of but these are the things that make us stronger. Not all of us like being an open book for others to keep taking advantage of. Some of us are looking for the same things, so when we find it why not just take it as it is. Some of us like living in the present and look forward to our future. Sometimes I just feel like saying "get over it already" Sometimes we do trust the wrong people and they hurt us but not everyone is like that.
My answer is It's amazing how some look so tough on the outside but are wripped apart on the inside and how others are wripped apart on the outside but are really tough on the inside.
Once again, just my thoughts.

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