Community > Posts By > DavidWG

 
DavidWG's photo
Sun 05/01/11 11:57 AM

I find you dishonest.

you said:

There is also the small path into the woods: Fill the hole now with someone else until things work out, yes cheating.


because you have been considering it.

Everyone conscious has the 'opportunity' to cheat.

saying:

I guess I really do not want to take that path.


is not convincing me that you would never do such a thing.

In addition to your saying that you are trying to decide what to do.

Just be honest. Youre married, but its over. She doesnt want you which stinks. Its hard to accept, but there it is, as you've said. Start rebuilding. Stop pretending.

If you think cheating on the wife who doesnt want you, will make her take you back, stop.

Your healing wont go forward until you get your ducks in a row. File, if she has not. Move on. Then find someone who makes you happy. It wont be to spite her. You have no reason to punish her for not loving you. Find the one who does, that is all.





Your own words contradict themselves. You say that you find me dishonest because I considered cheating. Then you say "Everyone conscious has the 'opportunity' to cheat." Which means you too, with the opportunity you must of have considered it. Which means you must be dishonest too.

OK, I think it time to be straight forward.

Everyone takes a vow to be faithful and stick to their mate when they get married, through thin and thick. Divorce is saying you LIED! Then afterwards you get married or sleep with someone, you just cheated. When you get divorced you cheat on your mate (unless your mate cheats on you first). You lecture that cheating is not as bad as divorce. In my book they are the same. Not only that, you do not give them the opportunity to come back. You slam the door in their face.

I do not believe my wife has physically cheated on me and I have not physically cheated on her. So divorce in my mind would be cheating.

I respect the people here who separated first. An opportunity exists there for the mate to return or for reconciliation. Divorce does not.

One thing I do agree on is the statement about getting my ducks in a row. But the comments on this site and others I found that cheating nor divorce is the answer.

Related to your points, maybe I am being dishonest with myself. A legal separation may be the answer. As one said in this post and what you are eluding to; "It's time to put on the big boy pants.".

I have learned from this site that:
1) I am messed up right now. I need to look internally and fix me first. I need to get past my emotions and get to the root. After that then I can look at the other options.
2) Cheating and divorce is not the answer.
3) No matter what side you are on it hurts.

Even though I feel you misjudged me I do appreciate your words.

DavidWG's photo
Sun 05/01/11 09:47 AM

Cheating will not make you more desireable to a single solitary soul.
It will only define YOU. So does posting a half naked pic of yourself.

...And marital problems do not 'work themselves out'. I seriously doubt youve been to counseling if you make such statements. I would not trust a man such as you.

To me, you appear to be a married man trolling for sex with a poor me story to excuse yourself from morality.


Your straight fowardness is appreciated. I never thought of the picture as being half naked. I have removed it. I appologize to you and anyone I have offended.

Please note that I said I did NOT want to go down that path of cheating. My last posting eluded that I would either hurt my wife through cheating or divorce. Both would be painful to her. But as touble and others have said cheating would definitly be the worst one.

I have had opportunities to cheat on my wife. I have not done so. And yes we have gone through conuseling. And I still talk with them on my own even though she does not.

The original posting was my weird sense of humor and lack of straight forwardness trying to express the need for advice. I see now that was not the correct way of expressing myself. I was very hurt that morning and should have not posted it.

I now do feel hurt and embaressed that I appear that way on this site. I have never been good at expressing my feelings through word.

Even though the comments on here have helped a lot and I have learned a great deal I now feel this may have been a mistake. I would never want anyone to view me that way, that is not what I am about.

Thanks all again for your comments and cander.
David

DavidWG's photo
Sat 04/30/11 06:35 PM
These are exactly the helpful comments I was hoping to receive. Thenk you all for your advice and cander.

Trouble: I have talked to her, many times. And had counceling. Otherwise thanks Trouble and Wux. Points well taken.

My conclusion seems to be either I live with the pain or cause the pain to my wife.

Thanks to all.
David

DavidWG's photo
Sat 04/30/11 10:37 AM



it's only natural to want to boost your ego and find that you are still desirable, to someone. but in all fairness to yourself and another, you need to know where you're going and how you're going to get there before you bring someone along for the trip. good luck to you.


I understand what you just said, to the fullest. And I would agree with you. But I do not need a ego boost, well like you said I guess we all do, but not looking for one. I know who I am and I believe I have a good understanding of where I stand. I just do not know where to go. Sounds like you been down a simular path. I am looking at a fork in the road right now. Trying to figure out which road to take, maybe looking for a little advice. I know I have a weird way of asking.


I don't think you got a choice in which fork you will take.


Sounds like advice to take the fork on the right?

Left fork: Stay, be loyal, and see if things work themselves out.
Right fork: Leave and start over.

There is also the small path into the woods: Fill the hole now with someone else until things work out, yes cheating. Of course she may ask how I got there and then, well, there may be wolfs at the end of that path. I guess I really do not want to take that path. Sounds a little selfish to her and to the other person I am with. But are not all the forks and paths selfish? I never swear but I feel like it doing so now!

DavidWG's photo
Sat 04/30/11 10:18 AM
Still learning why I am on this site. :) Cookies sounded good though.

DavidWG's photo
Sat 04/30/11 10:07 AM

it's only natural to want to boost your ego and find that you are still desirable, to someone. but in all fairness to yourself and another, you need to know where you're going and how you're going to get there before you bring someone along for the trip. good luck to you.


I understand what you just said, to the fullest. And I would agree with you. But I do not need a ego boost, well like you said I guess we all do, but not looking for one. I know who I am and I believe I have a good understanding of where I stand. I just do not know where to go. Sounds like you been down a simular path. I am looking at a fork in the road right now. Trying to figure out which road to take, maybe looking for a little advice. I know I have a weird way of asking.

DavidWG's photo
Sat 04/30/11 09:52 AM

Thanks for the laugh. Maybe you can
come out and check on it every once
and a while. It may be sitting on
the curb for a long time.
Maybe give a kick. :)

Anything kicked to the curb does not
deserve more kicking.
Bruises of the heart rarely show.

Many do not know what to do.
Where to start.
Somehow you have lucked into a great
place for getting it all out.
People here will listen and give you
their 2cents.
Somehow, it can make things better.
You have..people now :-)


Thank you Soufie. Kind Words.

DavidWG's photo
Sat 04/30/11 09:24 AM
Its true that some people are not willing to pay a small price and take a chance to get a good product. Sometimes it turns out to be a rare find.

Bastet126 is right, I just do not konw whare to go from here. Bad day I guess. I know I am not unique in the situation I am in. Just need to get things out sometimes.

DavidWG's photo
Sat 04/30/11 08:49 AM


No, but it may leave a big spot on the grass.

Oh goody.
It leaks, too.


Thanks for the laugh. Maybe you can come out and check on it every once and a while. It may be sitting on the curb for a long time. Maybe give a kick. :)

DavidWG's photo
Sat 04/30/11 08:40 AM

So you want it thrown on the lawn
before you pick it up?

Does it mow?



No, but it may leave a big spot on the grass.

DavidWG's photo
Sat 04/30/11 08:36 AM


Center. Heart.


Well, why didn't you say so? Getting mund out of the gutter!! Take time to heal before you end up getting your butt burned too!:wink: Welcome!!waving


Thank you. Wise words.

DavidWG's photo
Sat 04/30/11 08:34 AM

Shshsh maybe husband should get divorced before hand.............why would I want someone already takennoway noway noway noway


So you want it thrown on the lawn before you pick it up?

DavidWG's photo
Sat 04/30/11 08:30 AM
Center. Heart.

DavidWG's photo
Sat 04/30/11 08:24 AM
Husband for sale. Current owner does not want. Slighty scratched and dented. Center piece broken but can be fixed. Comes with three extra pieces but they do not need care. Good foundation. Just needs a little loving care. Email for pictures.

DavidWG's photo
Thu 04/28/11 02:40 PM
Yes there are. As stated, be careful what you wish for. Not saying your not, but it takes a certain kind of women to handle fellows like us. It is easy to get comfortable with us. We are usually shy at first, but are open after we know a person. We want and are proud when our women are by our side. We have manners, we open doors for women, (my wife will now stand at the door for me to open it for her, and I like that) including the passenger car door. We are not a push over, but we will give in if we know our woman wants something. Be sure you can give him all the attention he needs (very important, that is the hard part) and handle all the attention he gives. Allow him to be who he is. We are a different breed of men. But if you can handle a man like that you will be happy for as long as you want to be.

DavidWG's photo
Wed 04/27/11 02:11 PM
I waver. About 5 years ago, I was on this call with a woman from Australia. WOW. I was thinking about that call for weeks, well I guess I still am. What a voice.

Eyes, no, voice, eyes, no, voice. ahhhhhh.

DavidWG's photo
Wed 04/27/11 01:57 PM
Eyes. So when they stare at you from across the rooom you melt. Emotions can be read in the eyes too.

DavidWG's photo
Wed 04/27/11 01:51 PM
The front says "Help". the back ssys "Me". :) But it's worn out. You can only see "elp" and "m".

DavidWG's photo
Wed 04/27/11 01:43 PM







A friend of mine wanted to take his wife on a second honeymoon to spark the romance but she would have no part of it. She surely is a stupid woman.


So... whom did he wind up taking? I assume the tickets had been purchased.


He gave the tickets to a friend and his wife. He has tried several times to take his wife on a romantic getaway but she always wants to drag her family on the vacation. He told me he even spent his honeymoon with her family. How screwed up is that?



She has lost her desire for him. She clearly wants no part of a "romantic" holiday... at least with him.

I am going to go out on a limb here and make a prediction. Maybe she is having an affair with someone else or she has just lost interest in sex and her hubby. She's not that into him anymore. That's hard to get back.... even on a so called second romantic honeymoon.

A trip does not romance make.




Yeah, I think the romance is over too. He describes it as room mates and she has lost all interest in sex with him. He has considered she is having an affair. Its too bad to throw away 25 years like that.


The bigger tragedy is to throw away the rest of your life unhappy. But divorce is really hard after kids and 25 years. Really hard. If they don't have other love interests, it can leave a big hole in their lives.



I agree that the two of them will spend the rest of their lives unhappy. She won't divorce because he makes good money and he can take care of her. He won't divorce as he truly loves her and will not walk away from the marriage. Another consideration would be the cost to him as the house he lives in is his grandfather's and the house would have to be sold. A very sad situation.


Am there, doing that, Have the T-shirt.