A guy asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that.

He replies, "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."

Hmm,i would never want a submissive woman! What's the fun not to be their own person? I like a woman to keep me in check once in a while! Sure has saved my *** many times! In all types of situation's. What else is to be said? I like a woman who will stand up for herself, me and be honest about what she is saying! Hopefully smart,independent and strong willed,and tells it like it is. No sugar coating. More fun to forgive and tell her side and then makeup huh? I good woman will stand up for her man thru the good day's and bad! Also he will stand up for her unconditionally...

How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver’s license?

Biker: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?

Biker: It’s not my bike. I stole it.

Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?

Biker: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There’s a gun in the tool bag?

Biker: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.

Officer: There’s drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?

Biker: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain.

The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain: Who’s motorcycle is this?

Biker: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there’s a gun in it?

Biker: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there’s drugs in them.

Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.

Biker: Yeah, I’ll bet he told you I was speeding, too

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answered the door. She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club." The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asked her, "You have a bike?" The little old lady said, "Yea, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway. The biker asked her, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady said "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool." The biker is impressed and asked, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?" The little old lady said, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."

Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden came up behind them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," he said.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line.

"Well, I know of no law against it," said the warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, he left. As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.

"What a dumb cop," the third blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steel head trout in this river?!"

Once upon a time a blonde was swimming in the river. A man approached her and asked, "Why are you doing this? The blonde replied, "I'm washing my clothes. Is there a problem?" The man said, "Why don't you try a washing machine? The blonde replied, "But, I get dizzy in the washing machine!"

A bro was sitting in the shade, sipping a cool one and watching his ol' lady mow the lawn.

His new neighbor came over and said, "You bastard, making your wife cut the grass while all you do is watch! You ought to be hung!"

"I am," replied the bro. "That's why she's cutting the grass."

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?"

Arthur said, "Yes, that's me..."

God commented, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me but aren't you the inventor of woman???"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention."

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Been riding all over the country for 37 years,so we always had to do it the hard way! Most (are) The Modern Day Bikers these days! The stories and memory's i can tell, that The Modern day biker will never be able to experience or regret...

Red + White

I would hope not, you are not my kind! I like females anyway!

well thanks!

Modern Day Biker


I’m a modern day biker, got a scooter to prove it, got ink on my arm, took 5 minutes to choose it.

My putt she’s a beauty 40 grand worth of chrome, I'd never rode when I bought her, so I trailered her home.

I bought her on credit, accessories up the wazoo, bought some worn chaps and a leather jacket on HD credit too.

I got me some apes, about 3 feet tall, they’re way over my head, can’t reach them at all.

Big carb and big cam, big tire to boot, but I pray she don’t break cuz I can’t fix my own scoot.

Couple falls, couple crashes, another 5 grand in fix’n, now I got my permit just can’t take my little vixen.

The vixen she's a hottie, she’ll be 18 in June, she loves all the chrome and now gives me the poon.

I wear a bandana, all folded and pressed, no helmet for me, I ride to impress.

I got me an attitude, I’m the baddest in town, but I check it at the door when real patchers are around.

I bought a big knife but I leave it at home, I wore it out once but it got in the way of my phone.

I call my friends “bro” now, they got new scooters too, we think we need an oil change, just no sure how to.

I watch Pauly and Cody and Vinny and Senior, but I love Mikey the most, he’s the freaking ring leader.

And don’t forget Jessie and his West Coast Choppers, building every bikers dream, 50 thousand dollar bar hoppers.

I won’t ride to Sturgis, man that’s way too far, I’ll just load up the trailer and tow with the car.

I’ll stay in a motel, five stars there’s no doubt, One with great food and where credit has clout.

I will trailer near town then jump in with some scooters, 1200 miles to drool at some girl with fake hooters.

I might get my ear pierced or another tattoo, of skulls or of dagger or maybe F**k U.

If the vixen don’t like it and thinks I’m a dope, no problems here, it’ll wash off with soap.

Sleep on the ground! You’re kidding me right? Next thing you’ll want me to do is stay up n party all night.

I’ll buy me a patch that says “I RODE MINE THERE”, who the hells gonna know, it’s a lie but who cares.

Ride to live, live to ride, I got riden in my veins, except when it’s too hot or too cold or windy or it rains.

Yea, I’m a modern day biker, you got something to say? Send me an email, I’ll reply someday.

Bikers New Year Resolutions


• I resolve to fix the ol ladies pickup before I finish restoring the ol panhead. (I know I made the same resolution last year, by this year I promise)

• I resolve to spend less time at the strip club with my bros and more quality time at the tavern with my ol lady.

• I resolve to quit hitting on the ol ladies girlfriends. Just cuz she gets to kiss and touch them don’t mean I get to I guess.

• I resolve to quit rolling home drunk in the middle of the night as much. Instead, I’ll start having the bro’s over more and just party at our pad.

• I resolve that I will finally take the wheels off the mobile home.

• I resolve to pay more attention to the ol lady. This way I can be sure she gets the trailer cleaned, the dishes done and gets grub on the table.

• I resolve to quit waking the ol lady up at 5:30 every morning to braid my pony tail. Instead, she can run home on her brake at the strip club and do it.

• I resolve to quit spending the rent money on beer. I’ll start using grocery money instead.

• I resolve that I will start voting for my ol lady when she’s in the wet t-shirt contest instead of the 19 year old Barbie Dolls with plastic hooters.

• I resolve to bath at least twice a week regardless if I am planning on having sex with the ol lady or not.

• I resolve to treat the ol lady with as much respect as I do my bartender.

• I resolve to spend less time locked up at county than I did last year.

• I resolve to quit drinking on weekdays, except for Friday, which is kind of the weekend; and Wednesdays, which is meeting night at the clubhouse; and Tuesday, which is poker night at Lizards; oh and every other Thursday, which is the lunchtime lingerie show at the tavern.

I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid down on the grass at my feet. As we lay making love,I thought, "These taser's guns are well worth the money!"

(Not a true story just a joke)

What ya think of my profile and if you were my age would you date me?

Ha look's like a pic from a doorbell camera! Are you serious? I agree with TxsGal3333

That's why we need a National Socialist Party Government! There is no such thing as a Democrat nor republican! The world is run by the Multi-national banks and media, organizations to keep you in line! Blame the Jews Why do you think there was a world war two? Germany did not want to go to war, but was forced into WWII because of the treaties put upon them and they were not going to stand bye and let the Brits and Russia and the Jews take what they had built! Imagine that...My grand father was born in Berlin he knew the truth!


All politics today are just smoking mirrors! We really live in a Republic not a Democracy like Russia! Remember the pledge of alliance to our flag!