I got it as well. But ya still get the

LOL

The part I put in bold letters is what I am talking about.

In an effort to be " polite ", you choose your words carefully. Rather than say what you would normally say.

Now, if you were to tell the person who takes an interest in you that you are not always that way, then the issue is moot.

But, if you proceed for an extended period of time, that time period being mostly subjective, without letting her know about that particular side of your personality, THEN it would be misleading.

After being here a while, most would realize that not everyone is looking for perfect.

However, for someone just coming in to the online dating scene, there is the mistaken presumption, based on a number of factors, that perfection is necessary to attract anyone's attention.

I readily admit that I was guilty of that misconception. That's why, when I first started here ( the site was JSH when I started ) I didn't come anywhere near the forums.

I know I am not perfect. But I thought I was supposed to be. I just can't pull that off.

Same here

Yes. But your beauty and awesomeness wouldn't REQUIRE that you be anyone but yourself, Cher.

Oh wow, you are being way too generous, as usual. But thank you, Tim

I definitley stay true to who I really am, or I don't even get involved in the subject on the forum (controversial subjects).

But...in a real life situation...would you participate then???

With me its "what you see is what you get" Not smart enought to lie!

Abso-freakin-lutely!

Yeah yeah. I speak the truth and you know it. lol

Anyone who is looking for perfection on a dating site needs their head examined.

This forum keeps tumbeling around in my mind because as in life being on a date site is about how You think people in general percieve you, how you actually percieve yourself, and how most importantly the one you want percieves you.

Self perception can be really tricky. So much factors into that. I have seen people who haven't got a clue how to assess themself. If you ask them to stand in siloette and photographed them in a crowd I would bet 80% could not actually pick themselves out. They are totally oblivious to their own posture, many of their own nervous habits, and how they look from any angle but dead on. Most can not even pick out their own scent or describe it. Have you ever noticed how people always react when they have their characture drawn? Or hear their own voice on a tape recorder? If you have ever been mimiced chances are it is hardly flattering.

I think the idea that most of us are probably going to see our personality wildly different than others do is also pretty typical. It has kind of fallen out of vogue but one of the first things people used to ask at a social mixer was "What's your sign?" Now there is such a pilliferation of personality assessments that you have to ask which one. If you are on more than one site you compare them you would wonder if they are talking about the same person.

I always find it interesting how many people will say how little they care how others percieve them but talk incessantly how they have been repeatedly rejected and how bad it feels. My guess is people care intensely. If not they wouldn't be trying so hard to stand out.

What kind of bugs me is how often people are so way off on how others actually do percieve them. Sometimes people who really care about them; even love them the way they want to be loved. I am thinking about "crushes" but that would also apply to people who cheat. Always looking for someone who is in love with the fantasy person they have created as an alternate persona to themselves. Paticularly sad when a self persception makes a person believe they are "unlovable".

I'm not sure I agree with the idea that its misleading for me to fail to inform potential partners (or partners) of variations like this. There are extreme situations that may evoke different, rarely expressed, aspects of my personality, and I feel under no obligation to notify my partner of each specific type of response. I've known women to be very surprised when it happens, sometimes even amused (because strangers jump to hilariously wrong conclusions about me), but never to feel betrayed by this. They know that the whole of who I am encompasses all their previous experience, and this new unexpected experience.

I tend to ask potential partners a ton of questions, covering a lot of unusual territory; if I don't ask, its not her obligation to tell me. Its not like my purpose in being polite is to trick a potential partner into thinking I'm a 'polite person'. I'm not a polite person, but I do enjoy polite behavior.

I very much agree with the idea that people are wasting their time trying to create a false impression - then they are either going to deny themselves working to maintain that false impression, or she is going to be disappointed/feel betrayed down the line.