Domestic violence is a confusing and disturbing phenomena, but it is not gender specific as many would have us believe. In what has been called a "dance of mutual destructiveness"(1), mainstream research indicates that men and women abuse each other with almost equal frequency. The same study which found that a woman is abused by her spouse every 15 seconds, also found that a man is abused by his spouse every 14 seconds.(2)

We need to take gender out of the level of stigma. I think women do not need any more of a free pass than we give men. Why is it that a woman who kills an abusive spouse, is given the option for an abused spouse defense,, but a man who lashes out at an abusive wife, doesnt kill her, but lashes out in some physical way is immediately demonized and outcast?

Unhealthy relationships which lead to domestic abuse should be more of a focus than just the abuse or gender of the abuser. Those relationships take two people, both should be given the same opportunity and right to protect themself in a physically violent situation.
Many men would be too ashamed before the fact to admit that their female assaults them or to report it and many of those same men, I fear, end up demonized once they can no longer take it and return the physical abuse. And AFter the fact, they certainly would continue to only look like the bad guy for trying to bring to light what the female did. Their action will not be excused as easily as the females and I feel this is wrong. Perhaps cause I had all brothers and I would never hit anyone, male or female without bracing for some physical reaction.