here's my deal. I had made this amazing friend. Everyone thought we were a sure thing and would probably fall in love sooner or later. Now, I learn that she broke up with a guy two months ago and also found that Friday she had just learned that she is pregnant. I felt like leaving, but thought that I would miss her friendship too much. Anyone wanna hang out, or at least give me some guidance on this issue? Really hurtin'. Could use a friend.................Heres the story. Now, I am in a wheelchair and stuff (later on I'll explain why I told you that). OK. A few months ago she dated a guy. Two months later, she noticed that they were too different. Now, I met her, and she completely blows me away. Her personality is so excellent and everything. Plus she's the most beautiful thing. It's been pretty amazing hanging out with her and stuff.......Now, we started making plans to hang out alot this summer.....OK; fast forward to a few days ago. She had to keep running to the bathroom to throw up. I asked her why she didn't call in sick if she didn't feel well. That's when she told me that she'd have problems for the next nine months. Later she told me about the previous guy in her life and how she didn't want to marry him. I immediately felt that maybe instead of going through with our plans to hang out this summer; maybe I should turn away and give this guy a chance to hang out with her. I mean he is trying to be there for her and take care of her. But then, I also would hate missing out on the fun things we had planned... Now, the whole problem is that I do not want her fate sealed like mine was. I woke up in a hospital bed one morning after being hit by a drunk driver, and I knew my life would never be the same. I missed out on alot of fun in my life; do I dismiss our plans and have her miss out on the fun we could've had, or do I stay between her and the father of her child?

You know I really feel for you in this situation. I can't even begin to fathom what you must be going through right now. But, only you know in your heart what is best for the both of you. If she doesn't want to be with this guy & you both hit it off really well are you prepared to care for her & another mans child? Can you accept this & not let the past interfere with your future? Just a couple questions to dwell on as this is a big responsibility to put yourself into. The fact that you're in a wheelchair should have no bearing. If I really loved someone that wouldn't matter. I really & truely wish you both the best & all that life has to offer!!! ((((hugs))))

This is one of those situations where it might be better for you to just remain friends. Do not pursue anything romantic with her. It will for sure hurt you! I have a feeling there are (physical) things she needs in life you will not be able to provide her. You are going to have to face this truthfully and be able to look yourself in your own eyes in a mirror and know for sure what you want for YOU. and also you must be able to know what she wants in her life. The fact is two people can be GREAT friends but HORRIBLE lovers!

We are needful people and she probably fill a a lot of voids in your life otherwise. It isn't bad but you got to be clear in your own mind where you are, where she is, and the fact also that when she delivers the fun begins. Child rearing is NOT FUN AND WILL TRY YOUR PATIENCE TO NO END! You had better be clear as a night time sky during the summer in Death Valley that is a responsibility you want to take on.

If you had romantic aspirations for her you are more than likely going to get savagely hurt. She got pregnant by another man and she has no intentions of being involved with him any more. You are her friend and nothing more to her. I have a feeling if you reach for this one you might not like what you find out.

Sometimes living life behind an invisible pane of glass sucks. You feel cut off and alone. That is the worst but if you let it get to you you will just wind up hurting yourself unnecessarily and more than you would just facing the situation stoically.

If you can just keep things as friends with her I would say 'why destroy a perfectly good friendship' but let her deal with being a mother on her own because I would bet money that is what she wanted anyways. If you offer to take on the responsibility you are biting off a lot more than you are probably prepared to chew. Don't let your heart write checks your azz can't cash!

Peace out!

You know after reading Andy's reply I have to tend to lean in another direction. Maybe it's best to remain friends & nothing more. She may also be looking for someone to support her & the baby & that's not fair to you either.

Yeah! Be careful you ain't suddenly going to become a Sugar Daddy! That is a possibility because people can be crafty! If she starts borrowing money from you all the time and never pays you back that is a sure fire sign you are being used. FRIENDS DON'T DO THAT TO FRIENDS!

Don't take this as poisoned fruit. Just words of caution just in case! Loneliness makes us all easy prey!

Try wording it this way:

Here's my situation. I would love to hear some advice from all of you on this issue.

I had "met" this amazing friend. Everyone thought we were a sure thing and would probably fall in love sooner or later. Now, I learn that she broke up with a guy two months ago and also found that Friday she had just learned that she is pregnant. I felt like leaving, but thought that I would miss her friendship too much.

Really hurtin' about this. Could use a friend.................

Heres the story: Now, I am in a wheelchair and stuff (later on I'll explain why I told you that). OK. A few months ago she dated a guy. Two months later, she noticed that they were too different. Now, I met her, and she completely blows me away. Her personality is so excellent and everything. Plus she's the most beautiful thing. It's been pretty amazing hanging out with her and stuff.......Now, we started making plans to hang out alot this summer.....OK

; fast forward to a few days ago. She had to keep running to the bathroom to throw up. I asked her why she didn't call in sick if she didn't feel well. That's when she told me that she'd have problems for the next nine months. Later she told me about the previous guy in her life and how she didn't want to marry him. I immediately felt that maybe instead of going through with our plans to hang out this summer; maybe I should turn away and give this guy a chance to hang out with her. I mean he is trying to be there for her and take care of her. But then, I also would hate missing out on the fun things we had planned...

Now, the whole problem is that I do not want her fate sealed like mine was. I woke up in a hospital bed one morning after being hit by a drunk driver, and I knew my life would never be the same. I missed out on alot of fun in my life; do I dismiss our plans and have her miss out on the fun we could've had, or do I stay between her and the father of her child?

Okay, now that it's a little clearer.

A) Her B.S. answer of breaking up with the previous guy because they were "too different" is a big load of bull. I'm afraid I would require a more detailed and honest answer from her then that flim-flam excuse.

B) She seems like she already knew she was knocked-up from this guy before she told you, and probably before she dumped the previous guy.

C) Plans to hang out? Please tell me this would mean nothing more than a visit to the rec-center, or going fishing, or perhaps seeing a movie together, maybe even dining out once for a friendly dinner? No moving-in, no romance, no anything of that sort? You did say friends I just want to make sure I'm hearing you right.

D) Her getting pregnant and being a possible single-mom is nothing even close to you being put in a wheelchair from being the victim of a hit-and-run DUI. She'll miss out on some things, maybe. Probably your summer plans. But she can walk, you can't. I know you need a friend, but this particular friend looks a little suspect from the way you are describing her. Please be careful. As Andy hinted, she may not be all she appears to be, and YOU will be the one that gets hurt, by HER.

Well, thanks all. But, I think I got my head on straight now. 1) I met a young lady that was having alot of trouble in her life. I didn't like what I saw and thought she deserved more. So I did what I could. 2) Now she has been introduced to a friend of mine that she has been attracted to, plus her previous bf is trying to be there for her.... I think her life looks better, so, my work is done................. Andy, something you said in your letter makes me think that you think I don't function "downstairs"... I do. My legs are messed up; that's all.... I also want to point out that when she learned about the DUI incident and how I care for others; her respect for me grew... Kinda like my sister who, one day when I was younger said, "Geez, I have alot of respect for him. Here he is, disabled, fighting an up-hill battle; and he's out there helping out people who are fully able to take care of themselves, if they would just get up off their lazy butts."

Oh, and cats. Yes hanging out meant nothing more than hanging out. I guess I'm from a time when hanging out meant nothing more than doing stuff together. Also, I have bought her dinners and stuff. ONLY because I'd feel odd spending time with her while I ate my dinner and all she could do is watch me eat my dinner. It's kinda like my get togethers at Applebee's; I make sure that everyone knows that I would much rather we all have fun, instead of worrying about whether or not one of us can afford it. So, Stanley, Jen, Josh, Miranda, and Heidi all know that they can always just say something to me if they want me to cover their stuff...

Happy you cleared that up, brother. I was a little confused by the possibility that it either might be more than friends with her, or the expectations between either of you two that it might progress beyond friends at some point, which is fine, with another girl, but not this one, in this case, in my humble opinion. You seem to have figured this one out, and you know where you stand. So if you are a true friend to her, then I salute you, man.

Oddly I never gave one thought to your ability or inability to function downstairs. I was more concerned with the predatory nature of some people. Also the whole respect and admiration thing? Just don't look too deeply into that yet. When you said "when she learned about the DUI incident and how I care for others; her respect for me grew... Kinda like my sister" that sends a red flag up to me that you are having feelings you may know might not be reciprocated. Lovers are never equated to family. When someone is then they are friends and nothing more. Maybe she does indeed love you BUT BUT BUT! ...A foolish man rushes foreword where Angels fear to tread. Walk, don't run. Again don't let your heart cash checks you can't cash! That does not necessarily mean money!

Oddly I never gave one thought to your ability or inability to function downstairs. I was more concerned with the predatory nature of some people. Also the whole respect and admiration thing? Just don't look too deeply into that yet. When you said "when she learned about the DUI incident and how I care for others; her respect for me grew... Kinda like my sister" that sends a red flag up to me that you are having feelings you may know might not be reciprocated. Lovers are never equated to family. When someone is then they are friends and nothing more. Maybe she does indeed love you BUT BUT BUT! ...A foolish man rushes foreword where Angels fear to tread. Walk, don't run. Again don't let your heart cash checks you can't cash! That does not necessarily mean money!


What I meant, Andy, is that my sister once decared her respect for me and I think Cassie feels the same type of respect for me. Also, your comment about, "walk don't run", just between you and me; I only roll, and only 1 speed...............lol

The amount of trouble you will be getting into with this is vast and varied. I think you are CONSIDERING it from the wrong viewpoint.
You can't GIVE someone else a different life experience that you had, they have to have their own. Trying to decide what to do WITH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE should always be based on YOU, and not on what fantasies you might wish for on behalf of someone else.
The challenge of dealing with another man's child is relatively little when the child is already here, and the relationship with the father is well established. When the father is gone, and may not even KNOW he has a child, it's a nightmare trying to become a reality.
And what are HER motivitions in all this? Even if she is an honest person, her motivations are going to be heavily confused by having to deal with this. She'll need financial support for her and the child, and this could easily make her THINK she cares about you more than she does.
What is the situation with the real father? That needs to be resolved before you even THINK about any kind of long-term commitment to someone like this.

she wants nothing to do with the father. All I know is that my life is alot fuller with her in it, and so, I have already proclaimed that I will always try to be there for her. I think back in the time when they were going out; it ended with the father abusing her.