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| Topic: Long time singles are the hardest to reach out for | |
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Edited by
Atlantis75
on
Tue 06/01/10 09:21 PM
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I think the biggest problem for those singles who have been single for a long time (let's say 3+ years), is that they picked up a lifestyle where they are single, and everything around them is organized such a way and just how they run their days.
Even if you feel it every day, this pressure to date someone and be with someone, there is another force that oppose it just as strongly, because you are about to brake many habits and the way you run your day for 100s of days, and while you also feel it's great that you have found someone, at the same time you get this "tennis ball in your throat" feeling how you aren't willing to brake your habits and your daily schedule you have been doing for a long time. Actually, I think it's harder to grab someone out of his little bubble world he has cocooned himself or herself and simple and typical ways of flirting and trying to get attention will not work on the person. This force is not easy to deal with or to brake it down, and bounces off weak attempts very easily. Many times..these people have suffered a serious loss or has been betrayed too many times and developed such a strong "force shield" that is literally like an invisible prison cell at the same time holding the person a hostage beside bouncing off these date attempts , and the forces holding it together is is flowing directly out of this person. This is pretty much why you get those "ice queens and kings who will repel people very quickly once senses a very cheap schemes and dating themes seen hundreds of times and they have long past the point, that when someone would label them rude names, they couldn't really care less. These people see through others like they are air and they will only hear what they want to hear. Oh yeah they are also not afraid to be cruel to anyone who will obviously suffer from their rejection, but these long time singles don't really care about that either, because they think "This is nothing compared to what was done to me". So what do you think? |
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Nothing wrong with that if that's what works for them ... hell, get two with similar attitudes like that and y' got a couple ... problem solved ... Other than that, if this isn't what someone's looking for, then it's time to say 'Alpha Mike Foxtrot' and keep looking elsewhere ...
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I would agree that this is somewhat accurate.
I know that, for me, thinking about suddenly being around someone on a regular basis after having it be just me and the animals for over 5 years was a bit daunting. |
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I agree...except for the cruel bit...
That all depends on the person. |
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I agree...except for the cruel bit... That all depends on the person. For that..you gotta be a scorpio. This site is swarming with scorpios. |
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to be cruel?
I'll be honest. I think Horoscopes are a bunch of nonsense. 
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to be cruel? I'll be honest. I think Horoscopes are a bunch of nonsense. I got almost mingle-lynched for saying the same thing a few months ago. 
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Haha...seriously?
Sorry guys(whoever is offended???) |
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I just farted. I hope nobody noticed!!!!
I have been single for a while. The problem sometimes is that we become happier with our own ground. Many times women have their ideals of their environment but men don't exactly do the lace and doily thing. It usually is easy to tell when a guy does the interior decorating and a woman has done it. We gravitate to what makes us feel better. Problem is your hand gets old FAST!  
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to be cruel? I'll be honest. I think Horoscopes are a bunch of nonsense. I got almost mingle-lynched for saying the same thing a few months ago. LOL a lynching? WOW, where was I? Anyhow, are you one of these people...a hard catch, Atlantis? Did you call yourself Atlantis because you're impossible to find?  I wouldn't say I'm mean, but yeah, I can pick up on BS very easily and it IS hard to get out of my regular life and let someone else into it with the potential of permanence.
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While I hate to admit it Atlantis, you nailed my situation dead on...right up until the cruel part. I gotta go with Hannah on that one. I don't think just because someone has become "set in their ways" as my mother likes to say, that it automatically makes them cruel about rejecting people.
In fact, I kinda see it as doing them a favor because of the fact that I know I have the "force shield", as you call it, erected. I don't want to hurt a guy so until, or unless, I'm ready to lower the wall, why should I even bother dating? It's not that I don't care about the potential guy's feelings. Au contraire, I care deeply about people and don't believe I can give what's deserved at this point. So yah, you're right about some of it but that cruel part may be a bit off. At least in my case anyways.  (And I'm a Scorpio!)
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I was one of those types until I let someone in. Then I thought she was the greatest person in the world, although not as great as my parents. Of course the relationship didn't last and I was dumped. She found someone else in two weeks, where I haven't even looked.
So what does this have to do with the topic?? I'm going back to building up the wall and staying single. The one thing I did learn from the relationship was that while I tried to share and be a part of something special, the hurt and pain over a breakup is too much. I just find it easier in life to make friends, although I don't have many, if any, in life. |
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I think the biggest problem for those singles who have been single for a long time (let's say 3+ years), is that they picked up a lifestyle where they are single, and everything around them is organized such a way and just how they run their days. Even if you feel it every day, this pressure to date someone and be with someone, there is another force that oppose it just as strongly, because you are about to brake many habits and the way you run your day for 100s of days, and while you also feel it's great that you have found someone, at the same time you get this "tennis ball in your throat" feeling how you aren't willing to brake your habits and your daily schedule you have been doing for a long time. Actually, I think it's harder to grab someone out of his little bubble world he has cocooned himself or herself and simple and typical ways of flirting and trying to get attention will not work on the person. This force is not easy to deal with or to brake it down, and bounces off weak attempts very easily. Many times..these people have suffered a serious loss or has been betrayed too many times and developed such a strong "force shield" that is literally like an invisible prison cell at the same time holding the person a hostage beside bouncing off these date attempts , and the forces holding it together is is flowing directly out of this person. This is pretty much why you get those "ice queens and kings who will repel people very quickly once senses a very cheap schemes and dating themes seen hundreds of times and they have long past the point, that when someone would label them rude names, they couldn't really care less. These people see through others like they are air and they will only hear what they want to hear. Oh yeah they are also not afraid to be cruel to anyone who will obviously suffer from their rejection, but these long time singles don't really care about that either, because they think "This is nothing compared to what was done to me". So what do you think? I agree up until the cruel part. |
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I was one of those types until I let someone in. Then I thought she was the greatest person in the world, although not as great as my parents. Of course the relationship didn't last and I was dumped. She found someone else in two weeks, where I haven't even looked. So what does this have to do with the topic?? I'm going back to building up the wall and staying single. The one thing I did learn from the relationship was that while I tried to share and be a part of something special, the hurt and pain over a breakup is too much. I just find it easier in life to make friends, although I don't have many, if any, in life. Well that just sucks, JOHN! I was trying that out and I'm totally cool and happy with having all the friends I do have but it's kind of like standing in a river and dying of thirst. Yeah, getting hurt is terrible, but so worth it if you ever did meet someone great...I don't date either so I can't say TOO much, but I do think and hope that eventually, I will become great friends with someone and we fall for each other so there won't be any dating or pre-relationship BS. Maybe that won't work either but damn...I don't know. Screw it...this might've been a pointless rant lol. |
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You know what?
I've re-thought my answer. Of course no one wants to be cruel. And even if I'm just speaking for myself, I know If I'm hurt, I can lash out at people even unintentionally. Remember: even silence can be cruel |
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Edited by
msmyka
on
Tue 06/01/10 11:33 PM
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On the flip side (being the rejectee rather than the rejected), these same singles can be a bit quick to place the blame on others. The other day I got 2 emails from the same guy with in 1 hour of each other... the first said blah blah blah I'm interested. The second said you know I would really appreciate it if you would respond being rejected is better than silence.
Guy didn't even check to see if I read the first one yet before sending the second, which I had not. Seriously how else am I supposed to respond to that? I don't care how nice you are or how polite your email is, don't accuse me of ignoring you when you didn't even check to see if I had read it or not. Just because others have done it to you in the past doesn't give you the right to make snap judgments. |
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I've been single for more than 3 years, but I want someone to make my f'n coffee and bring it to me in bed...along with other things. I don't do doilies, but I don't do dirty and messy either. And I consider myself well worth the incovenience of living in a clean well-run home.
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I know that is a main reason I don't mess with guys my age or older that have never been married. Sad of me to think that, but it's been the expereince. I don't really beleive 3-5 years makes that much of a difference, it all depends on the person, and yes, weather you're really ready or not. I think we all try someone on, 2 days to 2 months, not being cruel, well..some people can leave another speechless
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I've been single for more than 3 years, but I want someone to make my f'n coffee and bring it to me in bed...along with other things. I don't do doilies, but I don't do dirty and messy either. And I consider myself well worth the incovenience of living in a clean well-run home. I despise coffee, but if I found someone I cared about. I would make them coffee. |
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I've been single for more than 3 years, but I want someone to make my f'n coffee and bring it to me in bed...along with other things. I don't do doilies, but I don't do dirty and messy either. And I consider myself well worth the incovenience of living in a clean well-run home. I despise coffee, but if I found someone I cared about. I would make them coffee. That's because you're a sweet dolly!!! |
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