The walls of boredom were squeezing me to the point I was going stir crazy. The lesser of two sources of pain I shined up and risk stepping out for the evening. The uncertainty of what I was attempting to do creating fear like that of my first prom experience decades earlier. It had been a long time since I had ventured into a new place as a stranger/newcomer not to mention that now I was wearing a "male single again" label.
The hostess took my cover charge and smiled stating "We are glad you decided to come to our event.". She turned to the next in line and using identical words took the cover charge from them forcing me to step forward into the room. I moved making a pathway for those following to to do likewise. Resisting running out the door back to a safer known territory I eased over against the wall where I could observe from afar. The sea of faces mingling and mixing around me left sounds of a long forgotten time in my past. I was much more comfortable with it then (was I comfortable then? no!!) than I was at the moment.
I stood in line to purchase a bottle of water and acted like I knew what I was doing as I moved to a vantage point across the room where I could enjoy the music and consider the likely hood of asking someone to dance. The risk of REJECTION was welling up to the point of "Fear equals Flight".

Bam Bam,The question of the moment.{"Who here is: (1)Available,(2)Approachable, and(3)Accessible at the same time? What signals are you sending that blind me can recognize? Help me!!!} I want to understand these three "A'S" better or other additional "A" topics you want to open up.(NOT!"Why all males are Anal Orifices!") Educate me! I want to be competent in knowing what to do/say the next time and thus reducing my fears of being turned away.

To kick things off I will tell you that a "clearly coupled lady" at a table away: (two hours into the event Thank Goodness the bands were great) approached me about moving to their table and dancing with her "single again" sister who was covey-ed in like a Quail among the table full of couples dancing with their spouses. Thus the evening
was not a total loss but I want more from my experience. Inform me!!

What is there to be afraid of? Rejection in and of its self? First step is up to you to remove that fear. So what if they reject you, walk away happy in the knowledge that you are free to move on to the next person.

Now to the 3 A's. I think once you figure out the second one that the others will fall in place.
As to who is aproachable, everyone is aproachable. Everyone in that room you can walk up to and stick out your hand and say, "Hi, I am ____________ and pleased to meet you. Are you enjoying the music." Man/woman, couple or single. Everyone is aproachable. ( Unless they are in a heated argument with their butcher, that dynamic is definitly unaproachable.)

It is after your introduction is where you find out who is available. And unless there is a team of linebackers in front of a person blocking me from meeting them, do not waste time fretting over who is accessable. Just have fun, and be yourself.

Accessible--Climbing over tables and chairs to get to the table at the back wall full of ladies is like running an obstacle course with/without the concern of spilling someones beverage.

Approachable--They circle up arms locked like covered wagons circled against the Indians so you have to speak to the back of their heads. When you do speak all circle faces suddenly turn scrutinizing you from head to toe. When the one you ask to dance seems to snap head back to the circle seeking the approval from others to exit the circle to dance or the "not now" results in the entire circles eyes saying NO stomachs knot. So you have numerous "not nows" to deal with. Bucking up to try again from one is tough enough but having to shove down 5 Nos at a time is rougher. What about body language,dress,location.

Available--How do you know they are when the table is mixed and "coupled is the image"or 5 dances in a row with the same person screams "coupled" as opposed to "mixing"?
Yes, it is the REJECTION that I wrestle with quite honestly. Tough for me to admit as it was seldom an issue for me as an "incrowder" most of my life. But now I am pushing through a new reality working to get to your comfort level. Just looking for a way to remove some stumbling blocks along the way.

I understand what you are saying. You are much braver than I! In this time of my life, I find it easier NOT to go out alone. The couples I see when I do venture out are daunting to me. Am I dressed right, am I smiling enough, why are they staring at me?? I find it easier to just casually walk to the door and leave.
Now if I am at a function that I HAVE to be at, I can make small talk, approach anyone and tell them I'm happy that they could come. I can laugh, flirt, and have a great time. But somewhere, inside, I know that I will be going home alone, and am counting the minutes till I can leave...somewhere along the way I have forgotten how to be with people. So my hat is off to you for your courage to put yourself out there and be vulnerable, to have that desire to meet that stranger face to face , hold out your hand and say, may I have this dance.

Vivian, what scares you the most? Being in a room with strangers and not knowing small talk, not dressed like everyone else or the thoughts the other people are thinking about you? You know what, in the long run none of these things matter in the end. Wear what you want and shine in it. Make it your own and be damned the others that do not match your sense of wonderful style. And so what if they are staring at you, they probably are envious of how poised you are. As for the small talk, forget it. It is useless trivial blather. Talk about what you know. Do you garden, talk about flowers. Are you prolific in the french language, tell folks how to say I love grapes in french. In other words be yourself and hold your head high and have fun.

The thing about rejection is that most of it is a preconcieved notion that people fix in their heads before it actually happens.
So a guy or gal says no thanks to a dance or chance to talk. It is really no big deal. It is just a no, not a bucket of blood dumped on your head. They are the ones that lost out on a chance to meet a wonderful person. And you are free to walk forward to the next great adventure.

JM, you have a wonderful aura of confidence and being at peace. Rational thinking taught me a long time ago that if I asked and the answer was no, there was no loss as there never was. I can understand Viv's shying away, actually her entire point, and then yours at the same time.
There is quite a difference in thinking from the decades people came from. I've found men a little older than me to greatly older to be more old fashioned, they tend to not like to be approached. It's endearing but difficult to say the least when in such a situation because of exactly what the OP questioned. Men go through alot when it comes to dating, having the same anxieties now possibly more so.
Looking- the thing that works for me and alot of people is focus more on the other than your angst and it gets easier. Starting over at any age is difficult to begin with, thinking too much about it esp when in the middle of it takes away the sponteniety of the moment. If you think too much about it, you may end up avoiding it altogether. Have fun, if something is meant to be, it will be.

((((Shasta)))) Hi, I have missed you girl!

You are so right. I do tend to 'over think' situations more so now than when I was younger. But I have always been ( if you can believe it, knowing me here on M2 ) shy. It's not so much as I am tongue tied about making small talk, I usually can BS with the best of them, I just have a block in my brain when it comes to me going along to a place where I don't know anyone. I feel out of place. I've been that way since I was a young child. I used to studder, and was teased about it unmercifully. I finally out grew it, but it still remains buried in my subconscious. What would a shrink think about that???

Thank you Justme, for you kind advice.

Hi (((Viv)))
No, I completely understand because when I was younger I was incredibly shy, never got many dates because I'd get silly, make jokes and laugh when someone asked. That would really hurt them and wasn't my intention, then feel ten times worse
I don't do well at parties either, totally avoid for your reasoning. Don't know anyone etc. Thats too many people not to know...I meant on a one to one thing, like a new person you meet in your comfort zone..ie you're having a afternoon bbq and someone brings along a friend. I know everyone and am in my territory, so if like the person might say want to come back?
BUT this is all imaginary isn't it? I have no BBQ
and since Mel Gibson has gone of his rocker, theres not many to imagine coming....hehe

I have a BBQ but Harrison Ford hasn't came over yet!

What do you burn (fuel) in it and what do you cook in it? Going to "Buck up " and try some C/W lessons tonight. See if I can help some beginners get the hang of it. They always say "yes" when looking for someone to help them learn. They are usually standing alone in the middle of the floor with a panic look considering heading for the door when I offer to help for the lesson. (gentleman that I am) later Jerry

Good ol' mesquite....that's the best I think.

Have fun boot scootin'!

Yea, that sounds like fun, haven't done that in years.

Oldest daughter works for "Child protective services " in Vegas and I'm planning a trip in the near future. I understand there are three or four places now to "scoot a boot". See what you can discover and we will see if you can find it again. jerry

You go Shasta!!!

Did you have a good time last night Jerry?

Give me a heads up when the time is close.

Watched lesson as instructor informed me that for first time in a long time he did not have a "single" show up looking for someone to dance with. He is a good dancer/instructor. they started at @7pm. It was not until around 9 that Some came in to dance. By 10 it was so smokey I called it a night. There was one lady that often broke out of her covey and move out in the open until she was ask to dance. I watched her dance with at least 10 or more men. She walked by and said in passing " Next song that is like the ones we used to listen to growing up come get me and we'll dance if you want." Guess where I went when George came on??? As we danced she told me of a group of single again adults that dance on Sunday's outside of Taylor,Texas said it's purpose was to "meet"and dance and not become a "meat market". May try to go this Sunday. Would have been better if there were more interested in dancing than mating. Too loud. Too smokey Too Young after 10 that location. Jerry

Will do! Jerry