I'm actually having a little success getting women to check me out. It's so easy to slip into a fairly active round of email chats. So far, these have been VERY nice ladies, and I have found things to like about every one of them. The problem for me is that there are enough of them that these email exchanges are taking some serious time to maintain. To be frank, I am spending entirely too much time on the computer.

So, here's the dilemma. Inevitably, the frequency of exchanges with any one person will drop off. Only so many hours in a day and I'm a slow typist. I DON'T WANT ANY HURT FEELINGS. Is she going to understand that she is not my only correspondent? Is it likely to be a deal-breaker to know that I don't feel the need to email her every single day? If I know that she likes my looks but I don't like hers at all, should I be honest with her, or should I just pretend that I didn't see her message?

There are many of these kinds of issues. these are the one that come to mind right now.

Time wounds all heels.


They will figger it out.

On the interwebs it is unheard of to be talking to more than one person at a time.

P.S.

I like turtles too.

And let me guess - No one sleeps when you're awake, right?!

well, I can see I'm not going to get any meaningful input here. I also like turtles. They're so much like me.

Just hire a hot secretary to take your messages and setup appointments.

That's just how it seems to be, email for a while...then nothing.

Also, yes, some just want to exchange emails for a while, for some
that's all it amounts to, for some they lose interest for whatever
reason, for some they find someone they are more drawn to.

As for you getting out of correspondence or meeting...just be honest.
No...it doesn't always go over well, but that's life. If they can't
handle rejection then they shouldn't even be trying to date anyway.
Just as in real life not everyone is going to like everyone else. I'm
not saying be mean or anything, just state your reason, or if it's
just that you're not attracted...tell them that you don't think the
two of you would be well-suited for each other, and if they still
want to occasionally email, that's fine...if not, good luck in their
search.

Artlo, it sounds like you need to examine what you are looking for....not a long list, just a short one....and weed out the one's that don't show that kind of potential. I had to do it myself. Once I had a short list, it became much easier to screen out newcomers so I stopped being so bogged down. It becomes rather tedious when you begin by chatting with two people, and next you know, you have 4 on IM, 2 on email, and then you receive a phone call from a friend who needs advice. (Yes, it actually happened.)

Once I had my short list, I also found it easier to talk to women about my situation so as not to hurt anyone's feelings. I was actually amazed by how well they understood. There will probable be a few that will try to push the envelope regardless. I eventually cut those types loose because they are so self-absorbed that it devolves to a cat-fight. That obviously is not worth the headaches involved.

actionlynx...


That's why I have the IM's on the several sites I'm on (here, yahoo,
myspace, and facebook)turned off, so I don't even have to deal with
that aspect. This is the only site I really talk to anyone anyway,
and that's usually in the forums, which is what I even have stated
in my profile, the other sites I rarely even go on anymore. If
someone does happen to email or befriend me, I tell them right off
the bat that I don't have the time to email often.

i knew it was going to take a female to give real advice. It seemed a little cold, but after all, I'm certainly well-practiced in handling rejection. Why should I assume that a woman would be any less resilient? Still, while some of these women are not somebody I would want to snuggle with, they are perfectly delightful email correspondents. Do I want to risk losing that relationship? Well,on the other hand, the brass ring would be an actual physically intimate relationship,. Why settle for anything less? On the other hand, am I even worthy of that brass ring? Am I realistic about my desires? Still, I should probably take enough time to let an email exchange develop to where I might make a friend for life with no physical involvement. BUT, but, but . . .

...have you given any thought to the idea that she may be a fast typist and have more men than you could image that she talks to...

First let the ones who live far away that you just want to be friends. Only a few have been able to sustain a long distance relationship so unless you are willing to move there is no point in going down that road.

Second the ones who show the most potential get the most email time. If the others stick around with an occasional email then you can consider them friends.

Third just because you are not physically attracted to them in the beginning does not mean that you will not fall for them as you get to know them. I heard a study that 35% of men are not intially attracted to a woman that they later fall passionately in love with once they got to know them

Just my ideas on the subject. Good Luck

I still have a few that are email correspondents. That's part of the short list....it allows you see who has real potential but also makes you think about who may just be a very good friend. And then there are the rest...

Some women I don't email very often, but we do stay in touch just because we are friends and nothing else. It is a mutual agreement between us. Sometimes that initial interest-turned-to-friendship helped each of us to build confidence in ourselves as we adjusted to online dating. Hence we still ask each other for advice from time to time.

So, maintaining email friendships is good because it can help you grow, and gives you a private way to seek advice or an opinion when you need it. The key is just to establish personal boundaries that you are comfortable with.

Yeah, I only use Yahoo and the onsite IM. Now that I have the full version of YM, I have much more control over who IMs me there. Very few problems now as a result. On Facebook, I only IM with about three people, and that is because they aren't online very often. Those three are also people I've known in person, but don't see very often.

Yes, it has. You just can't know. That's what i thought I was doing in my profile. It could be that I'm casting too broad a net. I think the problem may be that it takes years to develop a casual relationship that is deep enough to indicate that this is someone for a full relationship.

I have several female friends who I dearly love and who keep up with me on the web. They are all happily married, and I wouldn't dream of being a part of any unhappiness in their marriages. I could fall deeply in love with any one of them. It took quite some time to develop these friendships. I'm thinking that this may be the answer. Take it slow, stay kinda superficial, Stay at arms length until I can't stand it any longer.

I think Mingle2 could be the perfect place for somebody like me.

OK. This could get awkward. A couple of you slipped postings in while I was busy composing my post. That could be a reason that our posts sometimes seem ignored. All good thoughts. I'm digesting them.

BTW, I hate my username. Please just call me Art.

First of all...no talking like that around here mister.
Unless we see you on Most Wanted, or find out you have a thing
for beheading teddy bears or something...you ARE deserving of
the "brass ring".


As others have said...let the ones that will likely remain in the
"friend" category stay as just that-an occasional email to say "hey,
"how's it going?", the ones that are a decent prospect-see if they
can develop into something more, but concentrate more on whomever
you see as a good potential partner. Just like in RL, you put family
first, partner second, and then friends. They all have their places
in your schedule and heart, but some more than others.

If nothing comes of any communication other than friends, that's
good too. Also with each "experience" you gain a little more insight
and handle on what to do/not to do, and not only more about what you
are looking for in others...but also a little more reflection of
yourself.

that all makes perfect sense. Thank you all.

No problem, we can actually mimic sanity and a reasonable
amount of sense with some success...occasionally.

You haven't lived til you had a guy bet money that his friend wouldn't hit on you. Rejection just means that ******* is not the one for you, and sometimes you can get an expensive margarita out of it.

Just on the surface, you need a more complimentary haircut and a picture that doesn't look like it was taken inside the turtle shell. I suggest a digital camera and a friend to take an outdoor pic that shows you in natural light.

It doesn't have to be professional, it would just be nice for the ladies to actually see your face in a non- darkened blur.