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| Topic: Funniest random thing said to you today.......... | |
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"I don't want donkey dick to touch me either but I would punch it in the dick if it were trying to phuck me"
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We got a raft for the pool. I took my nephew swimming. He said "My boat does not have wheels." Referring to the boats in Sponge Bob, I guess he thought boats had a wheels, and the raft was his boat. lol
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So cute....
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Then he was playing with his cars and trucks in the living room singing "I'm a man." I have no idea where he got that from. lol
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12 Year Old: "So Brandon... How many people do you think are relatives of Genghis Khan?"
Me: "Kid, we're drinking Bud Lite and watching some show about rednecks catching gators. Which sucks. What makes you think anyone in this room knows that?" Ah kids! |
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12 Year Old: "So Brandon... How many people do you think are relatives of Genghis Khan?" Me: "Kid, we're drinking Bud Lite and watching some show about rednecks catching gators. Which sucks. What makes you think anyone in this room knows that?" Ah kids! Heh Heh kids.. Me messing with my 15 year old stepson Me: "How is school going?" Nikola: "Well I brought two F's to D's" Me: "If you need help call me. Your brother only graduated HS cause I wrote all his papers; You got a girlfriend?" Nikola: "No, nothing like that" Me: "Oooh, a boyfriend?" I swear he had a seizure in the car! I kept reassuring him that there was nothing wrong with that! |
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My nephew and I are watching Halloween II
Nephew - Why is he trying to kill his sister? Me - I don't know.. Nephew - .........clearly he isn't a family man. |
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I was trying to get my nephew to settle down for bed last night. He doesn't really have a concept of fear or anger. I told him he better settle down or Big Foot was going to get him. He layed down and was quiet for a few minutes, then says "Big Foot gonna eat your eyes."
I have no idea where he gets this stuff. lol |
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im a mangaer at a fast food retaurant and im in the middle of a rush this cutomer turns to me and says I DIDNT WANT HOT FRIES i said to him sir im sorry you didnt want hot fries but I CANT COOK THEM COLD.
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 I have worked with children and they had rarely seen me dressed up! So one day, I showed up in Pre-k all dressed up and a child's remark was:..." you look, totally, like a different woman!"... 
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I woke up pissy and my boyfriend turns to me:
(in the voice of Smegal or whatever that ugly thing is in Lord of the Rings) he says "Smegal...love...Brittany" He sounded just like that creepy little thing and i couldn't help but crack up laughing. |
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"Rubber tire bladder". Rub her? I don't even know her! I don't want to touch her tired bladder either.
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Just the other day, I had this conversation with my son:
Son: Daddy, you look like Tom Cruise. Me: Do I really? Son: No, I don't even know what he looks like. |
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Nephew: Have you seen Skyline?
Me: Nope...what is it about? Nephew: Well...it's like Romeo and Juliet..............with aliens. |
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I was watching The Godfather in school today and the instructor yelled at us because we were watching movies, instead of BSing with obsolete equipment, performing obsolete tasks. So, my friend turns me and says "What the f*** is his problem? what? He doesn't like The Godfather?" I shrugged my shoulder and said, "I don't know, he's just a d*** I suppose."
I think I'm getting a decent grade just so he doesn't have to see me again. lol |
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"Ay gurl let me squirtle them Jiggypuffs" made me LMFAO for real
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On flew over the coo-coo's nest is on channel 28
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Me - Your sooo cute up close.
My man - (smiling innocently) Me - But your busted from afar......... LMAO i laughed for an hour straight.......yes we're verbally abusive to each other. I wouldn't have it any other way...Thats love 
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1st co worker to 2nd co worker "what are you looking for?"
2nd co worker (as she is looking in the oven) "I dont really remember" 1st co worker "there aren't any hot men in the oven" Me -- "I already checked" It was a sad night for both of them.... lol |
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"I'm Rick James *****!"
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