My friend has just found out she has stage 4 cancer. She will be starting treatment but is told she has about 3 months. 3 months! Im losing my best friend from age 5. She has always fought for me and had my back. I don't even know how to be around her. Is it okay to just hug her and cry or does that show I've lost hope? Do I go on with her like nothings happening. I feel so helpless. I'm trying not to be selfish. I just want to be there for her. I want to fight this monster with her but i don't know how.

I think it's okay to cry infront of her, but I personally wouldn't, unless she started to tell me how the symptoms were getting too much for her. At times, we're too hush hush to say how we feel to them. She'll already know you care. I know it's difficult, because you don't know how to word stuff properly, and so you choose words carefully. I know it sounds typical, but showing a positive upbeat persona while around her, will help her feel less stressed about being ill. Sorry to hear she has three months left. I can't imagine how she must feel to have her body falling apart. I know how the bodily functions stop working, in the very final stage of cancer. Everything slow's down. I think remaining upbeat could really help her. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. And if you're worried that you may end up having a break down, well, you're obviously heartbroken about it, and there is help out there.

I think you have to make your own peace with death,
if that is what it comes to.

You can celebrate every remaining moment with her.
We all face the same inevitability.
Some will go sooner than we will, some later.

We are all on the same trip.

I would tell her how much she means to you, how
much you will miss her. Saying it at a funeral
is too late. I would share the love now.

You will be in her position before you know it.
We mourn for ourselves.

Remind her of good times, and the luck that brought
you together.
Make her feel there was a point.
A plan for everyone.

Let her know she will be with you still, and always.

I lost my best friend to cancer 5 years ago. I always went into his room with a big grin on my face. Before he died he thanked me for bringing him a smile every day. It was a little thing, but it meant a lot to him. A person that is sick doesn't want to see that they are making other people sad. Give her a smile, every day.
Of course there will be tears. But a smile will always lessen the grief a little.

You don't have to do or say anything, just go to her and be with her...Let her feel your love, your sorrow, your pain...You have history with this woman, all you need to do is spend time with her...The words will come naturally for both you and your friend...I am sorry Carrie, for both of you

RealCareBear, you are a woman filled with love and compassion which is a very rich gift in you. You will know what to say and when to say it and your smile will enrich her beyond anything imaginable. Be yourself, show her how much she does mean to you and always has meant to you and you will face whatever you need to and be a rich blessing to her whether she survives this or not. My heartfelt sympathy goes out to you and to your friend and I will keep her in my prayers sweetie. Also, be assured the strength you need will be there when needed. My love and prayers are with you.

Tomorrow we are having a pizza night. Gonna rent movies, play aggravation, order dominoes pizza, prank call her brother, talk about boys! She says she won't be able to after Chemo. They Are putting a port in Monday. She also says she wants to talk to me with her children not there to hear. Ive never looked forward to a night and dreaded it at the same time.

Sweet :) Just remember to have an awesome time. Don't worry until something gives you a reason to. Try to keep her distracted.

Her brother told me because her cancer is so progressed that the treatment she starts Monday may only give her three months. Said even if she goes into remission normally it always comes back and worse. Hes very upset and angry because she said she only is doing the treatment to havr time to settle things before she goes. He feels like she should fight. ( So do I.)

Her brother an her have already been into it. I won't say anything to her other than "I love you". I feel like its wrong to talk like she is dying tho. Everyone love her and just trying to deal. Well how lucky am I to get to have this time with my friend! Its definitely precious.

Just being there for her is great.If it was me in that position I would want my best friend there, smiling, telling jokes ,drinking beer, and thinking and talking about all the crazy times we had.Last week I lost my father, I didn't hear about his illness until he was in icu and incoherent so I never got to say goodbye.So you being there is truly a blessing. Remember its not over yet and the lord works in mysterious ways. Never give up hope and there are cancer survivors.God bless your friend and best wishes to all of you.

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your father, Jack. Im keeping you and your family in my prayers.
I haven't lost hope that God can heal my friend. I also realize that what I want may not be HIS will. So I pray for comfort and strength and Gods Will for my friend, her family and myself.
Spent the night with my friend and will be leaving for work soon. I definitely feel blessed to be able to have this time. We did laugh and cry. When things got serious we ended up laughing thru the tears. Precious Moments indeed

One thing I will share. When discussing her children, I told her I'd be there for them just like I am for my children. She said, "Promise me you won't give my daughter dating advice!" Lol. I said "HEY You do realize most my advice came from you right!" We just laughed...

RCB, I think in addition to what others have said, please tell your friend how you feel ie; you dont know how to act, or what to say, etc.

I was in a similar situation as yours a few years ago. I shared how at a loss I was, etc. She gave me a huge hug and said thank you for being honest and not tip toeing around what was happening.

Then we walked the hospital corridor and laughed because of people's azzez peeking out from their hospital gowns...


I you, RCB... *pointing to BFF bracelet*

Love you, Stormy!

:) A close friend called me wanting to fly. I came & brought a bag for us to smoke. We shared stories / jokes & somewhat, the awkward silence in beteeen but we both knew how it will played out. Be supportive & strong for your friend. Never fear death or a hint that you are scared of it even if you are. Smile even if it hurts or pains you. Lastly, laughter is the best cure medicine ever. So take it every chance you feel like a punchline is coming!

XOXO

Just be wid her as maximum you can be and have fun as much you both can have.... if u fear something that will give tension. . Make every day as its d best day of her life and enjoy fully... n dnt take tension because that is not the solution to it... be happy have fun and make her have fun rather than giving up and crying. .. be brave and make her feel on top of the world

bunny

My mom's elder brother has stage 3 gall b cancer. Im taking him to chemo n all. But it is not a custom here to let the patient know how things really are! I always try to start with a smile and do my best to make him feel how big the chance is here. Bt inside im so sorry. His only daughter is just 14. I really feel worse when i think what he is gonna think of me when things turn more bad for him.. I feel like im guilty because im not ill..

Try to make her feel wanted. It will make her feel much better. Thanks