Okay I just made my profile yesterday but already I am getting frustrated. For matches, it keeps recommending me women and/or people from other cities. Um first of all I'm seeking a HUSBAND and I do not want a penpal or long distance relationship. The other city part may explain why most of the contacts I've been receiving are from men that live very far from me. We're talking Illinois, Baltimore, and even India when I am located in Philadelphia. There's nothing wrong with those other cities and countries (in fact, I've always wanted to go to India as I find their culture and food to be fascinating), just that a long distance relationship where I cannot have regular sex or even meet the person is a definite deal breaker for me. I came on this site looking to go on DATES, not empty promises. Ugh any way I can refine my matches?

Yeah I did what you said. I was referring to the match section not the "who viewed me" section. Even though I indicated "interested in men," it still gave me almost all women in the search and most from NYC, Maryland, etc. Well I finally found a way to successfully refine my match search, so now it's actually showing me men in my area. However, is there a way to indicate in the search a preference for people with kids? In literally 6 pages of match results, not one single guy had kids except *possibly* one guy who didn't fill out any parts of his profile (so there was no answer for the "have kids" part) but his picture showed him with a small child so I'm guessing there's a possibility he could be a dad. I'd really prefer a dad over a non-dad because my dating experiences have shown me that dads have a lot more relatable understanding and patience about me having primary custody of my own child.

Hi Princess.

I thought it was just me! I too have joined this week and I am also getting pages of people from different continents and with criteria totally different from that which I've set within my search parameters.

You have successfully modified your parameters to filter out inappropriate hits, but didn't mention how. Could you let me in on your secret?

As an aside (and not my business anyway), but it might be an idea to ask any potential date about their attitude to having kids. The parameters on some things are pretty blunt and some men I am certain, who are not dads, would love to be one.

Philly is a nice part of the country and I hope you don't have to wait too long for Mr Right!

Welcome to Mingle2. Have to say I kinda feel bad for those guys that you are wanting to exclude because they don't have kids. The site doesn't really do matchmaking persay. If you've gone through and have adjusted your search parameters, you should be finding more of what you are looking for. But I will suggest Match.com, or Plenty of Fish dating sites for more of what you are looking for.

Dadstheman, it was more a trial and error thing so unfortunately I do not remember what I did. I think you start by hitting the "search" tab but I'm not certain...maybe someone else can enlighten me? But I'm STILL getting nudges and messages from guys from other continents! Grrrrr

That's a chance you take when signing up on any dating site, you're tossed into a pool with lots of other people, most of which aren't close to you and you're not guaranteed a perfect match by any means. My suggestion, since you only want local people and you're not finding any on here, is to go out in your community and meet people there. If you're a religious person, go to church (or even if you're not a religious person, there are a lot of non-religious people lurking at church for the same reason) join some sort of community activity, go to a coffee shop, a bookstore, go take a class in something that interests you, anything to meet other people. If you live in Philadelphia, you're not isolated by any means, there are guys where you are, you just have to put yourself out there and meet them.

It's fine to use a dating site as backup, but to use it as your only means of meeting a potential husband isn't practical at all. Good luck to you.

Scoobert34, don't feel bad for the guys without kids. I've had enough dating experiences with childless guys and guys who lacked custody of their kids to know that they quickly grow impatient and intolerant of my situation having a kid full time. They can't fathom me not being able to just drop everything to meet for something meaningless like a booty call, nor can they fathom me not engaging in the bar hopping scene several times a week. I mean, when I was childless I didn't want a guy who already had kids and didn't have ample time to drop everything to link up with me, so it'd be hypocritical for me to expect a guy accustomed to a bachelor lifestyle to do that for me. If they are childless and do not fit the generalization I made, then I give them a fair chance but I always state a "disclaimer" of sorts in the beginning asking them if they're sure they're okay with me having the limitations of a kid. A lot of childless guys see a girl with kids to be a deal breaker, so why can't I play that card back at them?

I can't get out much with a kid, at least not anywhere many single men hang out at, so that's why I go on dating sites. It's NOT my only place I look to meet people. But I will say that I think church is a HORRIBLE idea for expecting to meet singles. Most people at the churches I go to aren't very full and consist mostly of families or couples, and most are much older than me. In my city there are not many youngish people at all that go to church beyond school age, or at least not the 3 churches I go to; it's mostly senior citizens and some middle aged couples, sometimes kids. And I wouldn't use church as a hookup ground, I would go because I'm looking for the spiritual experience and to pray. Besides, I prefer to stay very private and ambiguous about my relationship status while at church, since being an unwed single parent is not something I'm proud of, especially at a place that emphasizes marriage before babies. Just had to be honest.

Ugh so I refined my search AGAIN (apparently it keeps defaulting back on some things), got matches within 15 mi from me, and that gave me a grand total of FOUR dudes. Wtf. One who is separated/still married (instant deal breaker), one who literally proclaimed that he's only looking for a FWB/one night stand, one who's not my idea of attractive, and only one that was worth giving a nudge to. I don't get it. Yes I have criteria and standards but they're not unreasonable. I don't want still-married dudes, I don't want jail birds/felons, and I don't want a guy who won't take me seriously relationship-wise while I'm seeking commitment. I am very open minded when it comes to occupation, race, religion, interests, etc. I do strongly prefer guys with kids, for the reasons I stated earlier in this thread, but lacking kids isn't necessarily a total deal breaker. So I don't know what the issue is.

Princess4u2014, I get what you're saying and understand. I guess I was looking at it as a single guy without kids, that's interested in women with children or without. Of course though I am not looking for dating now as I know I have some things I'd like to work on so I'm not wasting anyones time. I am one of those bachelors that does understand that you can't just do whatever, whenever, and that plans usually have to be made well ahead of time. Good luck with your search.

Very nice of you to say.
Church is for our spiritual edifying. Perhaps you could find your perfect match anywhere in the world. I wish you find your match.

Best of luck for your search

Understandable, but you said yourself you're "not looking to date". I've found that with a lot of guys who don't have kids. Just looking for "fun" (aka booty call) and "nothing serious". The ones who do want something serious, want a girl without kids who isn't "used goods". Yes there's plenty of guys with kids who just want to use for hookups too, but more that are past that phase in their life and seeking a united family.

By the way my previous comment was in response to Scoobert34.

Hi princess,

The site admins will have to look into this to see if there is a bug.

Thank you for letting us know,

Kim
Site moderator