Recently, I ran into two exes- an ex-wife and a woman I used to live with. They both looked much older, heavier and way out of shape- I didn't even recognize one of them. One of my thoughts was: I hope people who meet us now don't think that they looked like that when I was with them. When I was with them they were hot. That is pretty shallow isn't it?

Part of it maybe because I generally look the same as I did 20-30 years ago as the muscles in my face are paralysed and therefore I really haven't wrinkled up. Less hair for sure but most people from my past recognize me.

However, once I met an ex-girlfriend from 10 years past and my wife at the time said "ewww, you dated her?" Objectively she was older, but when I was around her, to me she still looked 35 years old. I guess there was that "something" between us. I guess we are all looking for that "something". The thing that makes them your favourite "hello" and your hardest "goodbye". The centre of gravity in your world.

"Something", but it is few and far between

People change sweetie that's just a fact of life its how u deal with those changes I am 65 and I try my best to keep it going on but its whats inside the heart too ya think? But I agree some do let theirselves go for whatever reasons usually there is some reason for this.Good luck in your Journey,Blessings

Unless you're an oil painting I wouldn't dare comment on peoples looks.

Your shallow!~

Hi, I am new not only here but at Internet dating in general. And already I am disappointed. Men of my age don`t look great. And all I am looking for is a friend who would keep me interested intellectually and romantically. I used to think that for friendship looks don`t matter until I had a correspondence with a man without seeing his picture first. When he sent me a picture and I saw that he was an obese man, I kept writing to him but it was not the same. So for me appearance does matter, and those who say otherwise are not being honest about it.
Looks don`t matter only if a person has "something". And it is very difficult to feel this "something" at a distance. I think the whole idea of on line dating is hopeless. I`ll just give it a month or two and then will just hope for a chance encounter.

I don't know about you TB, but I personally don't discount anyone who is "looking different" than they did many years ago. It is expected people will "change" something about themselves as time progresses. It does not "change" the person inside and obviously, at the time, you must have seen something of value in them during the time you were attracted to them, or was it just their looks which was the attraction? If it was, then, IMHO, yes...you are shallow. People are more than their physical appearance...the beauty in a book for instances cannot be judged by it's torn and raggedy cover or tattered pages...it is what is written that shows the beauty in that book. You also don't know what those people have experienced in their lives...it may have been a very hard life for them since you last knew them. Be careful of the conclusions you draw because you may overlook a diamond in the rough!

so true dc

I think the most physically 'sexy' guy I ever dated remained sexy through the years and every time we crossed paths,,,but years later I still found it hard to believe I had been into him because he was so ,,,imbalanced , on the inside,,,,and that hadn't changed,,

I had just let his physical appearance blind me to the fact.

so, if I see someone my partner was with who isn't the picture perfect broad, I usually take it to mean my partner is not going to focus his interest on physical appearance and that the female most likely was an attractive person in some way or another,,,,,even if not physically the standard

sometimes it isn't so much them that change,but more likely it's a change in our perceptions!

Not in this case, I can track my perceptions fairly well, for example I have noted that my hatred for someone results in a proportional change in their attractiveness, ie- my ex went from looking like Kim Kardasian to looking like the Jeep from the old Popeye cartoon series. Also, my ex from California always had sunken eyes but ten years later she had SUNKEN eyes-still I felt like she was still 37. When this last one came up to me, I got the heebie jeebies as she went from a pixie-haired ballerina to and stereotypical middle aged spinster (there is a certain look they emulate out here, such as frizzing their hair).

But the interesting thing is I got a call from a mutual friend who said the ex was "devastated" that I didn't remember her and afraid the stroke damaged my memory- it didn't. I told her that while I didn't recognize her, I knew who she was when she said her name- Hard to forget someone who tried to break your arm and then taunt you that the police would not believe a judo champion would be afraid of little ole her. I started thinking maybe I can devastate some other deserving nut jobs by pretending I no longer remember them?

PS- ballerina feet are really really f'ed up- I used to date so many dancers, but have avoided them since I had to deal with those feet