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| Topic: Single vs Long Term, would you swap .. ? | |
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I don't mean the nostalgia at all, the exact opposite actually.. I'll try to rephrase it.. If you could choose, hypothetically of course, because you cannot choose, Would you choose - to have been and still be in a long term relationship with 1 person, from approx. age 20-24 till your dying day or - Are you happier with what you have now, even though you did go through heartache, divorce and all the chit that came with it, but also the good that you got after that? Like maybe dating, freedom, new partner etc. etc. So ... would you be willing to give up what you have learnt and achieved BECAUSE you got divorced if you could have "happily ever after" from 20-24 yrs old till the day you die, with one and the same partner? Hope that's clearer?? Oh. Well, then...with THAT clarification, then it makes it even easier for me to answer, especially with the qualifier "and everything was hunky-dory". I wouldn't have left IF "everything was hunky-dory"; so given a choice, I'd rather have stayed within my marriage (which was why we took the vows) and would have gladly foregone the lessons and experiences I've had since then. There's undoubtedly a wealth of lessons, information, and wisdom that would have been gleaned FROM staying married to the same person "for life", which are now forever lost. Since things weren't "hunky-dory", I'm perfectly happy with where I'm at now and look forward to meeting my next Last One.  |
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I wouldn't change anything.Like many on here,i have been through the heartache etc,got over it,and had some harmless fun.I like who i am now and i know the kind of person i want to be with.There is no substitute for experience,so if i find her to share our life and experiences that will be wonderful,if not,life is still good... ....... Yeah, I think that is the right attitude .. For me the thing is, had I stayed with my husband, I would have missed out on all the stuff I learnt during my second relationship. And sure, I would have had different things with and from my husband, but... the BIG 'but' for me... my 2nd partner has been a pro drummer, so he was all about music, pro sound & pro lighting etc. etc. (he used to work in show-business for some 20 yrs). And I learnt SO much from him! If it wasn't for him, I would NEVER have gotten on stage to sing, to perform, to become the MC of an event etc. and find out just how much I like doing all that! And that may sound trivial, but doing such things, is a crucial part of ME of who I AM. I just never knew until I was with him. I discovered that I liked playing drums myself, so I got my own drum-kit. My son got into music because of my ex as well, had his own band, wrote the music and lyrics, he was the lead singer, learnt to play guitar and blossomed, he turned out to be an unbelievably good performer! That kid belongs on stage! Stage animal, lol, hope he'll get back up there some time! Just a few things, but these were and are SO important and I would never ever have known, nor have had the chance to explore this side of me, if it hadn't been for my 2nd partner. So would I want to trade that in for 25 yrs of LT commitment? The first thing that I feel is "NO WAY!!" Geezz ... clarity at last, lol, thank you JustFun. I guess I sometimes need a drummer to wake me up   .Even if your son doesn't make a career out of music,he already has a talent and passion that will help him through life,and something he can always fall back on. So still a big YES from me.No changes,i have my experiences and they all make me smile now Oh yes, I totally understood the artistic side .. simply because I am artistic myself. Runs in the family from my mom's side. Lot's of musicians, painters etc etc. So it's in our DNA. And a true beaut to see that in both my kids as well :) I don't ever miss my ex, the one thing I do miss, is the artistic click, the artistic exchange. We weren't right for each other as partners, but artistically we did erm .. nurture and stimulate each other. We totally understood the other that way, even though he didn't paint, he had knowledge of light & colour (pro light & sound tech), so he had 'the eye' for it. I got him to play drums again, after years of not playing, because I understood how important it is for a musician, an artist. I could tell what mood he was in by listening to him playing, the way he hit the cymbals, the toms etc. Now he's playing in a band again and I'm so friggin happy about that! I loved that part of our relationship and that's the only part I dearly missed in the beginning, and sometimes still miss .. It was almost a separate entity within the relationship, if you know what I mean (i'm quite sure you do).  Your welcome, I quite enjoyed that!! Feels really good to exchange about this with someone who simply understands! Cos boy, I DO miss that in my life! I think in a few months we'll have rehearsals for the King's day gig again, the band is already rehearsing though, and that used to be in our home, so I was part of that. And have to be honest, knowing that that is happening again, but me not being there anymore .. f*** do I miss that!! I don't miss him, don't get me wrong, but the entire hustle and bustle and all the fun and stuff that goes on around a band, the rehearsals ... Usually they needed me to fill in with singing, easier to rehearse for them .. dang, it was SO MUCH FUN! Now I have to make do with occasionally singing in a pub, but no band, just karaoke music to back me up .. not quite the same feel, hahahaha |
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Edited by
mysticalview21
on
Tue 11/18/14 12:30 PM
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Close to thirty yrs with him.. no would not go back to change anything becouse I might not have my child today and I love her very much ... I don't believe we where meant to go back to someone where a relationship is not working or thinking it could have been or would be hunky dory if only ... sometimes just to much pain and hurt to even think that as far as I feel ... but I do love being in a relationship and would like to be in love the rest of our lives together... experiencing & sharing what joy life holds for us ... an having that love for each other ...
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I don't mean the nostalgia at all, the exact opposite actually.. I'll try to rephrase it.. If you could choose, hypothetically of course, because you cannot choose, Would you choose - to have been and still be in a long term relationship with 1 person, from approx. age 20-24 till your dying day or - Are you happier with what you have now, even though you did go through heartache, divorce and all the chit that came with it, but also the good that you got after that? Like maybe dating, freedom, new partner etc. etc. So ... would you be willing to give up what you have learnt and achieved BECAUSE you got divorced if you could have "happily ever after" from 20-24 yrs old till the day you die, with one and the same partner? Hope that's clearer?? Oh. Well, then...with THAT clarification, then it makes it even easier for me to answer, especially with the qualifier "and everything was hunky-dory". I wouldn't have left IF "everything was hunky-dory"; so given a choice, I'd rather have stayed within my marriage (which was why we took the vows) and would have gladly foregone the lessons and experiences I've had since then. There's undoubtedly a wealth of lessons, information, and wisdom that would have been gleaned FROM staying married to the same person "for life", which are now forever lost. Since things weren't "hunky-dory", I'm perfectly happy with where I'm at now and look forward to meeting my next Last One. Thank you for sharing :) And yes, good point ..
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Close to thirty yrs with him.. no would not go back to change anything becouse I might not have my child today and I love her very much ... I don't believe we where meant to go back to someone where a relationship is not working or thinking it could have been or would be hunky dory if only ... sometimes just to much pain and hurt to even think that as far as I feel ... but I do love being in a relationship and would like to be in love the rest of our lives together... experiencing & sharing what joy life holds for us ... having that love with each other ... Yes, I hope so too, for all of us! to find love again 
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I wouldn't change anything.Like many on here,i have been through the heartache etc,got over it,and had some harmless fun.I like who i am now and i know the kind of person i want to be with.There is no substitute for experience,so if i find her to share our life and experiences that will be wonderful,if not,life is still good... ....... Yeah, I think that is the right attitude .. For me the thing is, had I stayed with my husband, I would have missed out on all the stuff I learnt during my second relationship. And sure, I would have had different things with and from my husband, but... the BIG 'but' for me... my 2nd partner has been a pro drummer, so he was all about music, pro sound & pro lighting etc. etc. (he used to work in show-business for some 20 yrs). And I learnt SO much from him! If it wasn't for him, I would NEVER have gotten on stage to sing, to perform, to become the MC of an event etc. and find out just how much I like doing all that! And that may sound trivial, but doing such things, is a crucial part of ME of who I AM. I just never knew until I was with him. I discovered that I liked playing drums myself, so I got my own drum-kit. My son got into music because of my ex as well, had his own band, wrote the music and lyrics, he was the lead singer, learnt to play guitar and blossomed, he turned out to be an unbelievably good performer! That kid belongs on stage! Stage animal, lol, hope he'll get back up there some time! Just a few things, but these were and are SO important and I would never ever have known, nor have had the chance to explore this side of me, if it hadn't been for my 2nd partner. So would I want to trade that in for 25 yrs of LT commitment? The first thing that I feel is "NO WAY!!" Geezz ... clarity at last, lol, thank you JustFun. I guess I sometimes need a drummer to wake me up .Even if your son doesn't make a career out of music,he already has a talent and passion that will help him through life,and something he can always fall back on. So still a big YES from me.No changes,i have my experiences and they all make me smile now Oh yes, I totally understood the artistic side .. simply because I am artistic myself. Runs in the family from my mom's side. Lot's of musicians, painters etc etc. So it's in our DNA. And a true beaut to see that in both my kids as well :) I don't ever miss my ex, the one thing I do miss, is the artistic click, the artistic exchange. We weren't right for each other as partners, but artistically we did erm .. nurture and stimulate each other. We totally understood the other that way, even though he didn't paint, he had knowledge of light & colour (pro light & sound tech), so he had 'the eye' for it. I got him to play drums again, after years of not playing, because I understood how important it is for a musician, an artist. I could tell what mood he was in by listening to him playing, the way he hit the cymbals, the toms etc. Now he's playing in a band again and I'm so friggin happy about that! I loved that part of our relationship and that's the only part I dearly missed in the beginning, and sometimes still miss .. It was almost a separate entity within the relationship, if you know what I mean (i'm quite sure you do). Your welcome, I quite enjoyed that!! Feels really good to exchange about this with someone who simply understands! Cos boy, I DO miss that in my life! I think in a few months we'll have rehearsals for the King's day gig again, the band is already rehearsing though, and that used to be in our home, so I was part of that. And have to be honest, knowing that that is happening again, but me not being there anymore .. f*** do I miss that!! I don't miss him, don't get me wrong, but the entire hustle and bustle and all the fun and stuff that goes on around a band, the rehearsals ... Usually they needed me to fill in with singing, easier to rehearse for them .. dang, it was SO MUCH FUN! Now I have to make do with occasionally singing in a pub, but no band, just karaoke music to back me up .. not quite the same feel, hahahaha Don't you have jam sessions over there so you can get up and play with bands again ? You can't beat being in the deep end and hoping you all start and stop at the same time  I don't miss her either,but i do know that this is part of who i am and not just a job or hobby.So any future long term would have to more than just say they understand,they would have to feel it,so i know that she is genuinely happy too... Thankfully we are drummers,so we can play to enhance passion,or beat the crap out of the drums to release whatever we like |
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Tue 11/18/14 12:54 PM
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I wouldn't change anything.Like many on here,i have been through the heartache etc,got over it,and had some harmless fun.I like who i am now and i know the kind of person i want to be with.There is no substitute for experience,so if i find her to share our life and experiences that will be wonderful,if not,life is still good... ....... Yeah, I think that is the right attitude .. For me the thing is, had I stayed with my husband, I would have missed out on all the stuff I learnt during my second relationship. And sure, I would have had different things with and from my husband, but... the BIG 'but' for me... my 2nd partner has been a pro drummer, so he was all about music, pro sound & pro lighting etc. etc. (he used to work in show-business for some 20 yrs). And I learnt SO much from him! If it wasn't for him, I would NEVER have gotten on stage to sing, to perform, to become the MC of an event etc. and find out just how much I like doing all that! And that may sound trivial, but doing such things, is a crucial part of ME of who I AM. I just never knew until I was with him. I discovered that I liked playing drums myself, so I got my own drum-kit. My son got into music because of my ex as well, had his own band, wrote the music and lyrics, he was the lead singer, learnt to play guitar and blossomed, he turned out to be an unbelievably good performer! That kid belongs on stage! Stage animal, lol, hope he'll get back up there some time! Just a few things, but these were and are SO important and I would never ever have known, nor have had the chance to explore this side of me, if it hadn't been for my 2nd partner. So would I want to trade that in for 25 yrs of LT commitment? The first thing that I feel is "NO WAY!!" Geezz ... clarity at last, lol, thank you JustFun. I guess I sometimes need a drummer to wake me up .Even if your son doesn't make a career out of music,he already has a talent and passion that will help him through life,and something he can always fall back on. So still a big YES from me.No changes,i have my experiences and they all make me smile now Oh yes, I totally understood the artistic side .. simply because I am artistic myself. Runs in the family from my mom's side. Lot's of musicians, painters etc etc. So it's in our DNA. And a true beaut to see that in both my kids as well :) I don't ever miss my ex, the one thing I do miss, is the artistic click, the artistic exchange. We weren't right for each other as partners, but artistically we did erm .. nurture and stimulate each other. We totally understood the other that way, even though he didn't paint, he had knowledge of light & colour (pro light & sound tech), so he had 'the eye' for it. I got him to play drums again, after years of not playing, because I understood how important it is for a musician, an artist. I could tell what mood he was in by listening to him playing, the way he hit the cymbals, the toms etc. Now he's playing in a band again and I'm so friggin happy about that! I loved that part of our relationship and that's the only part I dearly missed in the beginning, and sometimes still miss .. It was almost a separate entity within the relationship, if you know what I mean (i'm quite sure you do). Your welcome, I quite enjoyed that!! Feels really good to exchange about this with someone who simply understands! Cos boy, I DO miss that in my life! I think in a few months we'll have rehearsals for the King's day gig again, the band is already rehearsing though, and that used to be in our home, so I was part of that. And have to be honest, knowing that that is happening again, but me not being there anymore .. f*** do I miss that!! I don't miss him, don't get me wrong, but the entire hustle and bustle and all the fun and stuff that goes on around a band, the rehearsals ... Usually they needed me to fill in with singing, easier to rehearse for them .. dang, it was SO MUCH FUN! Now I have to make do with occasionally singing in a pub, but no band, just karaoke music to back me up .. not quite the same feel, hahahaha Don't you have jam sessions over there so you can get up and play with bands again ? You can't beat being in the deep end and hoping you all start and stop at the same time I don't miss her either,but i do know that this is part of who i am and not just a job or hobby.So any future long term would have to more than just say they understand,they would have to feel it,so i know that she is genuinely happy too... Thankfully we are drummers,so we can play to enhance passion,or beat the crap out of the drums to release whatever we like Yeah, haha, I sometimes do that, lol. I'm just an amateur, but it's still a lot of fun! I hadn't played for a few years, recently started playing again, but have to work on my technique, lost a lot :/ HH technique for instance.. And the skins need tuning, I can't do that myself  (I could never tune my guitar either) But I wear a headset to protect my ears, so I don't hear how bad it is anyways, haha. I got my kit in the extension, so if I hear a nice song on the radio, I can just jump behind the kit and play along :) And yeah, I can understand the need to have a partner who can relate to what you do, cos indeed, it is part of who you are!
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