What are ya'lls take on when two people become a couple and one or both of them have kids- as far as: when a child acts out how do ya'll think that it should be handled? If one of the kiddos or more of them do not like your partner? Or if your partner does not interact with your kids? These examples could be when the couple first gets together, or when they decide to move in together.

indian death match.

My boys...come first...... so whoever she is... she better get along with my boys..... if she doesn't.... then . I would be sad but..... I would have to wisher. best of luck in her next relationship..

My kiddos come first also, so I know what you mean. I love kids so someone having kids would be great. What if she did treat them good and the boys did not want you with her?

..my boys... want me to be happy..so...
... if they don't have a legit reason..
.. then I would tell them to suck it up buttercup..lol... daddy needs a... playground friend as well..lol

Sometimes after the mom and dad to the kiddos start new relationships the kiddos do not want their parents to be with a new partner. No matter if this new partner treated them like their own, they may act out. How would that be handled?

bottomless pit.

Thanks for the input.

that's pretty much agin tha law.

one of my X g.f.'s had a child
he was 16 and disrespected her left and right
if i would have done 9 tenth's of the stuff he did to my parents i wouldn't be able to sit down for a year

sad part was she wouldn't let me do anything about it

all i wanted to do was talk to him about it
i am not one for beating or whipping etc etc etc a child

Yeah, some people think that the parent of the child is the only one who can try and do something, while others let their partner help.
It is interesting hearing peoples perspectives on this issue which impacts the entire relationship.

well even though the kid drove me crazyer : ) it wasn't the kid that ended the relationship
but yeah people with kids , its a lot harder then people who don't

I get along with everyone because I am not a meddlesome person like so many people. I keep to myself. I don't stick my nose into other people's business. Therefore, my easygoing nature endears me to many people. Children especially love me because I am a lot of fun. There is never a dull moment with me. I do have a temper when pushed. Mostly, I am even keeled, not hot and cold or moody like some people I know. I feel that if my ideal mate had children, I would get along with them. I prefer that the family we start is a first for both of us though.

Yes, starting a family together would be the most ideal situation. Thank you for joining in and the input.

I totaly agree with kids first. That is the rule i have lived by.

How the parents have decided to handle it, or did handle it and then figure out if it's effective and should be continued or not.

It's why there's such things as communication, arguing, learning, acceptance, tolerance, and leaving home when they're 18.


And some people don't say that, they simply act on that belief, so it looks like they are weak and not willing to take responsibility, or offer support and help.

And some people say they think that, but in truth they are simply scared of kids and hurting them or having CPS called on them, or being judged a bad guy, or cooties.

There are lots of reasons and ways of thinking that keeps a parent from acting like a parent. To their own kid or others.


Sometimes that's because of things like "I don't introduce my kids to anyone new until it's 'serious,'" or, "I keep my dating life and mom/dad life separate."

So while the parent has been slowly building a "serious" relationship, no relationship whatsoever has been built with the kid.

So when the new person is introduced it's somehow expected that the kid just accept it, and to be on the same relationship level as the parents.
Also, to really know and understand the new relationship of the parents. To simply accept change and move on and be happy or effectively neutral about it.

And sometimes the kid(s) is a completely different gender, with a completely different perspective and personality from the parent. Forced to interact with someone the kid had absolutely no choice in choosing to interact with, and is being treated as some kind of extension to the parents ego.
Something to be dealt with via a false smile and exaggerated happiness and kid gloves. A new mouth to compete for attention and love and face time.

All of a sudden they are faced with this potentially insecure and patronizing stranger that is also dealing with not knowing precisely how the relationship will be but seemingly has a lot more power, control, strength, and size than the kid.

All while their parent is happy and exhibiting some of the same behavior for this stranger as they did for the kid.
Which begs the question, on some level, did the parent ever really feel that way about the kid if they can feel that way to (from the kids perspective) a stranger?

IOW you ever date someone and they seem to feel more for you than you do for them, with the expectations you should, while hardly knowing anything about them, although other people like them, and they make sure you can't get away from them?

How many women or men stick around when the other person is clingy and exhibits relationship behavior that is inappropriate to how you feel about them? What if you were forced to stick around by someone else?

And many (if not all) single parents say something like "my kids are my world!"
And then they act and ask questions like in this thread.
And it just reminds me of the "save the planet!" threads.
Everyone thinks they are saving the planet by doing stupid things like recycling, or know how to, or should try by coming to the internet and telling other people how to do it, yet it keeps getting more full of trash and pollution and politicians.

And things like this...

If this is true as it is typed it means either "my kid has absolute power over who I date and my relationships, they are a minefield test that I force people into while holding my kids unaccountable for their end of the relationship with the new person," or, "I make sure all of my relationships have a sword of damacles hanging over their head at all times."

The people you date aren't going to be magic therapist relationship experts.

Not to mention, think of how many people you had to go through in order to find this one person that actually wants to date you, and stick around long enough to establish a relationship with you.

Did you give your kids the chance to pick and choose and newmomdate anyone?
How would you have liked it if your mom or dad came over, shoved someone in your house, and said "okay, I've chosen her...now get along." How would you behave?


People don't like to be "handled."
No one likes others to decide what a relationship should be and then forced to live up to the expectations of the other persons relationship desires.
A new partner treating them like their own may be the worse thing of all while all the "intentions" are pure and sweet and may seem so.


Other than that, how are most problems with kids handled?
Either with the kids input being taken seriously, taking into account their limited vocabulary and more heavy reliance on indirect communication, by the parents believing they inherently know what's in the kids best interest and then forcing that onto the kid, or the parents incorrect interpretation of the kids input weighed against what they believe to be in the kids best interest and then inconsistently applied.


There's no perfect way.
All parents are going to screw up their kids.
At best you can see current consequences and try to work backwards to deal with root causes in order to mitigate those specific consequences.
But there will be more, and some will be worse, and some will never be seen by the parents.

Hahahaha good luck with that.

My adult children and I are observers. We are a very close knit family. That doesn't mean we live in each other's pocket. Sometimes they see things that I don't. They don't control my life or do I do to theirs.
Anyone new comes into our lives will not be put on the stand and judged. They are welcome with love and respect.

That is good. I feel like treating their kiddos like I treat mine...show them love ..Understanding. ..patience. I watch also...learn kiddo how they are who they are. Letting them know that I will always have their best interest at heart and that I am not a replacement for their natural mother. I am still very close with my ex's kiddos. They call me with their achievements. ..and share with me the things Going on in their lives. although it's been 7 years ago...knowing that they love me and I have touched their life in that kinda way makes me feel so awesome. Being different situations calls for different actions and everyone has their own way of doing things. ..hopefully anyone reading this that is getting into a relationship where kiddos are involved. ..they can read different points of view from others and helpful advice. Thank you for weighing in.