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| Topic: Clinton Jokes | |
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* Some are old...but still funny *
Why is Hillary Clinton just like a man? Because she won't pull out until she's done. What will Bill Clinton be known as when he leaves the White House? The President after Bush Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning? She wants to be the first lady. Why does Hilary prefer dogs to Bill Clinton? A dog chases his own tail� What was Hilary Clinton's last gift to Monica? Spot remover. How can you tell you've just had sex with Bill Clinton? You've got french fries in your hair, and Vernon Jordan is handing you a job application. What do Monica and the Green Bay Packers have in common? They both blew it. Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? To keep his ankles warm. Why did Bill Clinton quit the saxophone? So he could play that Hoarmonica Did you hear about the 11th Commandment Hilary Clinton introduced? Thou shall not expose thy rod to thy staff What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer? CHELSEA What is Bill's definition of safe sex? When Hillary is out of town. What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude? "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."� How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down? He married her.� |
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Clinton Acronyms
Clinton: (C)razed (L)ow-class (I)diot (N)ow (T)aking (O)ver (N)ation Clinton: (C)razy (L)iberal (I)ntent (O)n (N)eedlessly (T)rashing (O)ur (N)ation Clinton: (C)learly (L)oose (I)nternal (N)avigation (T)echniques (O)ccupy (N)ever-Neverland Clinton: (C)ompulsive (L)iar (I)s (N)ation's (T)op (O)fficial (N)ow Clinton: (C)omplete (L)oser (I)n (N)ow (T)errorizing (O)ur (N)ation Hillary: (H)ighly (I)nexperienced (L)eft-liberal (A)cademic (R)ighteous (Y)uppies |
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Edited by
Conrad_73
on
Tue 11/03/15 08:19 AM
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Bill, Hillary and the Lockbox
When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 25 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 25th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were three empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was curious as to why. That evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the cans in the box?" Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again." Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula, and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened but temptation does happen and I guess that three times is not that bad considering the years." So they hugged and made their peace. Then Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?" Bill answered sheepishly, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash." 
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HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHTS AS PRESIDENT
Hillary Clinton was sworn in today as President. She has disposed of Bill and is spending her first night alone in the White House. She has waited several years for this! FIRST NIGHT Suddenly, the ghost of George Washington appears to her, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never tell a lie." "Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that." SECOND NIGHT the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...? Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people." "Ohhh! I really really don't want to do that." THIRD NIGHT On the third night, the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appears...? Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Lincoln says, "Go to the Theater." 
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Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Lincoln says, "Go to the Theater 
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Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Lincoln says, "Go to the Theater
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Hillary Clinton Election Video Cold Open - SNL: http://youtu.be/BXdNYXMQoy8/
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Hillary Clinton Cold Open - SNL: http://youtu.be/VK2Mvd-nH9o/ If I choose to run & my emails.
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I try not to be political here - but THIS was just way too good not to share...
 
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HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHTS AS PRESIDENT Hillary Clinton was sworn in today as President. She has disposed of Bill and is spending her first night alone in the White House. She has waited several years for this! FIRST NIGHT Suddenly, the ghost of George Washington appears to her, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never tell a lie." "Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that." SECOND NIGHT the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...? Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people." "Ohhh! I really really don't want to do that." THIRD NIGHT On the third night, the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appears...? Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Lincoln says, "Go to the Theater."
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