Why do most people fail to provide even the very basic information about themselves in their profiles on a social networking site like Mingle? With no info posted in the profile, an individual may receive all kinds of messages. For example, a 20 year old girl may receive a Hi from a 45 yrs old guy! Is it right for this girl to call names to a 45 yrs old guy only because of his age? Why can't this girl mention clearly in her profile that she is looking for friends in the age-group of 21 to 30? Where have the basic manners disappeared?

Basic manners?

You're hilarious.

Where I grew up, and guy over forty who did anything but offer to hold a door open for a girl that young, was instantly and correctly labeled as an unconscionable predator, and chased across town with sharp sticks.

Basic manners. You're funny.

So, did you have a good laugh? I really fail to understand what was so funny about it. You are simply assuming things and trying to act very-very smart! I read a post about a guy who was feeling sorry for himself because of some young lady abusing him for no logical reason. Is saying Hi to a young girl in the region you live in, a sin? At least i don't think so. And i do feel sorry for him. You have any problems with that? That is how i feel and think. You may feel & think differently. So, whats so funny about this?

Peoples social skills are deficient for a variety of reasons 1) lack of knowledge and don't know what and how to present oneself even though most sites will instruct if you read what they suggest, 2)not really interested in meeting just getting data for a scam, 3) enjoy manipulating others with false expectations 4) attention seeking and enjoy social masturbation.. 5)perverse sense of entitlement wanting constant attention without actual participation

I am pretty much with Igor on this one and find a younger woman saddled with and older man a hardship if not a crime.

But I realize some cultures a woman is considered a woman when she is 14 or 15 and older at 20 and that age gaps of 15 to 20 years are not uncommon.

I did not get it until someone explain to me that many younger men are not considered marriageable because they can not support a wife or are still supporting aged parents and or are working themselves up in a business or through school which may take them past their 30's.

And the assumption that they are just "playboys" and not in fact in more cases than one would tend to think CHASTE guys who RESPECT very harsh religious tenants AND consider our lifestyle of "doing whatever feels good from your teens on as unacceptable.

Do some of them draw a distinction between the "girls" you "use" and the "girls" you "marry" and seek "girls" who are still younger and more virginal, or at least more likely to be able to be childbearing, and marriageable to start families; sure. Is it still a very male dominated society. Yes.

But they come from cultures where if a woman is older and has had a husband and children she is supposedly provided for life long from her husbands family, or her own, or by herself, or by her children; especially sons if the spouse has died or been killed. Orphan children are parented by family not strangers and public assistance non existent. Running away is not considered and option because there is rarely anywhere to run too but what is worse than death. Do sometimes the children without parents get exploited? Sure.

Divorce is still considered a very shameful thing and very rare. If a woman leaves a husband; more likely sent home or taken home she almost always returns to her family and lives in isolation as and embarrassment. If she gets caught "messing around" death is likely. Re-marriage very rare.

"Older" grooms however are not dismissed as unmarriageable if they remain in good standing with their families and faith and do well enough to marry. That usually means adding to the family wealth and household and often does not mean living independently. Being widowed is not a stigma like divorce where many women die in childbirth or illness with minimal medical intervention. But generally a widowed man lives with his parents or has younger sisters or occasionally servants that are raising the children. Usually it is and older sibling. Inner generational caregiving is common. Not taking care of your grandparents, parents, siblings, nieces and nephews rare.

The on line dating arrangement clashes when a woman in this culture is considered rude or abusive by rejecting what would in their culture be a "catch".

Is there some condensation that a woman has to advertise herself and the expectation of at least a polite business like return of any greeting? Probably. But he has a point if you do not want the attentions of someone older it is hardly difficult to say so in a polite way in your profile. And it is really not necessary to attack someone as a pervert if you are in fact and adult to be on this site.

Now if you have then ALL BETS ARE OFF.

soooooo now if you are a 20 year old girl ya got put a big sign up on your profile saying DO NOT CONTACT ME YOU OVER THE HILL PERVS



hmmm good to know

Because people fail to realize normal social rules don't really apply when all social consequences are removed.


No.
She should have just blocked him and deleted his mail.
Calling him names just invites future interaction.
If not with her, than other people.
More than likely she ultimately did block him so he couldn't respond to her name calling so he had a little hissy fit and decided to find other people to complain to, to agree with him, since he couldn't get back at her.

Which is ironic, since it shows they may be at the same emotional maturity level and possibly compatible.
She couldn't control her reaction to him, so called him names. He probably couldn't control her reaction to him, so has to go seek approval and an outlet for his stress.


It would be far easier if she'd just compile a list of profiles of who she thinks she'd be compatible with and list those on her profile.

Therefore those people could know they should email her if they checked her profile, and prospective emailers could measure themselves against all those other people.

There are all sorts of things people "could" do.


Basic manners are only really used when there are negative consequences to not using them, or incentives to use them.

If she doesn't use them, what can the guy do about it?
Nothing.
If she does use them, what is she going to get from the guy?
Further attention, possible interaction, miscommunication in believing she desires friendly contact, mannerful social reciprocation.
Which she doesn't want (can be seen as a negative consequence)

Using them will ultimately be a lose lose.

So in this case there are higher negative consequences to using them, and more incentive to not use them.


On a dating site it can be.
It's not really general public.
There's an underlying belief that you are only contacting for dating purposes.
Saying "hi" on a dating site is seen by many to most as the equivalent of saying "hi, will you date me" or even "hi, would you like to see my genitals" in public.

This is a dating site that is treated as a "social networking site," not really a "social networking site" that happens to allow people to use it as a dating site.

There are different expectations.


I find it funny that an older guy is outraged or morally impugned because a kid said something he saw as rude.
Might as well start a thread saying "my friend tried to have a conversation with their 3 year old niece and all she said was 'poo poo, pee pee,' and then ran away. Is this civilization?!?!?! Where are that diaper wearing terrors manners!?"

Isn't that what the settings do? Or the block button? Why feed the wolves? Which yes if you read this guys profile is but for conversation sake is it cultural or just the few scum bags? I doubt the whole "burn" concept is really going to sink into the later.

let me get this straight
you messaged someone half your age
she let you know she was not interested in you
you kept it up
she responded by calling you a name...

Are we changing the original post or did OP say they exchanged anything past the initial Hello?

Yea those creepizoids land in the LET THEM HAVE IT class.

Just a "hello Oh you are pretty and I would like to get to know you." seems a bit over the top to call a pervert.

My reaction to this is based on my own ideas of who is responsible for what.

This OP here, blames all the young girls he's been pursuing, for taking umbrage at his attention. He accepts zero responsibility for himself.

Yes, I know some cultures think it's cool for old men to chase young girls...allegedly... however the way my Responsibility Hierarchy works is, that it's up to the INSTIGATOR of contact, to know what culture they are in, and to comport themselves accordingly.

In this case, the culture is NOT one of those which approves of this sort of behavior. Therefore the OP is 100% to blame for is self-caused problems.

Call me an old fashioned conservative fuddy duddy if you want. I'm sticking to my sense of honor.

Why can't the 45yr old just move on clearly it wasn't a love connection

I truly respect ur thoughts. But, it is not advisable to share it in these forums, bro. Just look at d people who have barked on u without understanding what u meant. They make a living by accusing or making fun of someone rather than answering our questions gently. They are dirty minds. So, be wise enough not to stamp the cow's **** on ur shoes

Personal choice is a beautiful thing...