I have a friend I love but I can't stand her boy friend. He's not faithful and hurts her so much. The first time I had a problem with him was a few years back. We (myself and my now ex) were having dinner with my friend and her man (we will call him Dick...its appropriate) and I remember being unusually tired and some grumpy I was 8 months pregnant. My ex made a comment about me being grumpy and my friend told him i just needed extra TLC. My ex made a comment about he was afraid to cause I might attack him and he laughed. That's when Dick blurted out that I needed some good dick and if needed he would take one for the team! Both the men laughed I was so shocked and humiliated also pissed my ex didn't defend me. My friend was so mad she left crying and didn't talk to me for months! They broke up due to he cheated and we became friends again. Recently they got back together and they are expecting a baby. Yesterday I ran into him and he made a comment about my husband being away and if I wanted some good dick he could help out. Omg!!!! I hate this man. Today was the baby shower and I found out he was there and didn't go. I feel bad about that but I'm not subjecting myself to his abuse. Was I wrong for not going?

let your friend know you care about her
but you do not care for this man in her life
and feel he is not good for her

she will decide..

if she wishes to spend time with you let her know
it will be without him tagging along

tell you care about her

and walk away

You know what she knows how he is. I just lied and said I had a water leak to deal with. I know if I say one thing against him she will hate me.

This is tough... I mean really tough...

I am sure you would have been willing to give him the benefit of doubt til he did the sleaze act again.

To give him a benefit of doubt he could just be a sleaze and full of hot air thinking he is being funny...And we know it isn't.

I dont' blame you for not wanting to be in the room with him.


I think for me if I really cared for this friend I mean really cared for her. I would tell her... How happy I am for her if this is the person she really wants.
I would also tell her that some of his comments I know he doesn't mean bothers you... And is there a way you all can sit down and just spell it out.

I know you can't be serious when you say this..............
And yet it makes my skin crawl... I care about my friend and I want her to be happy and yet can you please refrain from these type of comments.


Then every time I saw the dirtbag when she isn't around I would be recording what he says...

Because deep down you know it and she has to know it, he is going to cheat again... The recording covers you that there was no lead on nor did you ever take him up on it.

Or you could walk away which I think for you would be just as hard as enduring his crap.

Hugs sweet lady....

Perfect and complete advice from SitkaRains.

All I can do is applaud and add my identical vote.

^ justification for abortion. You can coddle love train teach but you can't rewrite the child's DNA.

You should get him to text you so you have in writing what he has was and is thinking about you, plan a meeting and have her waiting so she doesn't think you're trying to steal or 'borrow' this slimy 'Dick'.
She shouldn't under any circumstances replicate his DNA.
Sickening behavior such as his should not be rewarded with birthing his offspring. She is the one carrying it of course but it is just as much his. People often talk about what we are handing down to our kid grandkids etc, which in this case is the genetic codes traits and mannerisms of disgusting 'Dick'. If he offered to bone you while you're pregnant in the presence of your ex and her openly and vocally, what isn't he saying or admitting out loud? We need to fully grasp what is being passed down, the true inheritance of our genes, and realize that we are affecting more than just little 'Dickie or Dicket' with the decision to continue the pregnancy. How many women do you think this 'Dick' has affected, impregnated, cheated on or with? Does it stop there? REALLY think about that question. That answer should come pretty quick.

Honestly, I would just straight up tell her and how disrespectful I feel it is. I would tell her I would prefer to have a friendship meeting without her husband around because he makes you uncomfortable. If she walks away from your friendship well she was never truly your friend.

RCB,
So sorry you are having to deal with this situation. I concur with Rains advice. My only addition would be to ask yourself, how close of a friend is she to you, and are you willing to do something difficult to keep that friendship?

Best of luck with this!

Firstly RCB we are only hearing your side of the story, but please don't get me wrong, from what YOU are saying, he sounds like a bit of a jack the lad.

It takes something for a guy to say to his girls best frind, 'do you fancy a bit of dick' or words to that effect.

When I was younger I knew guys like him, I would think 'it's none of my business' and would say nothing.

As I've gotten a little older I've learned that it's not enough just to stand and stare.

One thing is for sure, you will never regret doing the right thing, regardless of the outcome, why else would you bother coming on here asking for opinions.

Yes.
Especially if you told her you were going.
Most especially if you then lied to your friend.

I mean what is your major problem with her boyfriend?
He cheats on her. Lies and looks for others outside of their relationship, says inappropriate things?

What have you done? You lied to her, and came to strangers to get advice and friendship, emotional gratification and support, inappropriately talking about someone behind their back to those strangers.

Is it just a penis in the vagina that makes it all different?
Is that the evilness that makes what's ultimately the same behavior, driven by similar motives, unacceptable?

True, but she hasn't asked any of us do we fancy having sex with her.

It's ok to come on here and clinically disect someones post, but friendship run's much deeper than a surgeons knife.

What GreenEyes Said.....

And ...

Someone ask what my problem is with her boyfriend. He degrades and abuses women. She already knows I don't like him. She already knows why. I don't want to ruin her baby shower with drama so i chose to tell a lie and not go. I don't want to be around him he is abusive.

OP, you yourself stated your priority which would be:
1. Preserve your friendship with your girlfriend.
Second being:
2. Not see her hurt by 'Dick'.

Seriously, you can't do anything about him without affecting your friendship with her UNLESS you A. Have it in writing, on video, or audio recording, and B. Make sure that she is aware WHY you are doing it. A is impossible without B. B is useless/ineffective w/o A.
You CANNOT have a real relationship with her if he is still with her, while I appreciate Seakolony's opinion, she already knows that he is worse than disrespectful. Being nonconfrontational will only prolong the damage 'Dick' is doing to both of you. You also risk losing her as a friend if you don't show her how little if any he cares about her.
Obviously you can't just come out of the blue and tell her you are planning to break them up. You already have the reason as does she, she just needs a reminder that it seems he is all to willing to give her. Honestly the sooner this happens the better it will be and your being torn about whether or not to do something proves that you don't want to see her get hurt. If you don't let her in on what your true intention and provide her with proof she could ditch you, if you do nothing he could break the friendship and still try to get with you behind her back. Don't give him that chance.
Your intentions are good and the end will justify the means.

Losing your friendship and what should be a happy occasion and memory for you and her. With a baby coming soon he's going to have more opportunity to do his thing while making you and her miserable.
Honesty is always the best policy.

Bingo.

Not sure why you didn't object or shout on the first incident whereas your friend made her disappointment clear by walk out. You should have stopped him on the first go because ppl like that keep coming back if not objected.
Now as mostly said you should talk to him directly to stop such things, and tell him that even as joke you don't like it.
The other way is to keep distance which is not the best way but keeps you out of trouble as not sure how your friend will react if she comes to know about his doings from you.

More than likely your friend is going to get hurt by this guy again. He is truly a "dick" but at the same time he probably feels that what he does is "normal". He wants the trim (I am sure you know what I mean) and he doesn't care where he gets it. Anyways, I don't think you were wrong. You did what you felt was best for you. If your friend can't grasp that then she is just not living in the now.

You can't choose anyone's mate including close friends. You told her you cared about her and she knows, so the reality of the situation is they are having a child together and planning a life and if you feel this guy is a total jerk(sounds like he is) you have to be prepared to step away and spend less time with her.

OK both times he was told I did not appreciate or want his comments. She knows he does these things to women she chooses to accept the behavior. She has a lot on her plate I won't add to it. I will stand back until I'm needed. I don't feel bad for lying to spare her. She deserves a happy day. I will celebrate with her when he is not around.