When this happens in a relationship what can be done... to restore the deep love... example..
Girl Meets Boy falls deeply in love with him.. maybe a little too quickly..
Boy tells girl he loves her but he's not deeply in love with her. Doesn't say that part out loud..lol.. but he knows there's potential there.. and will get there.. just takes him a little while
Now well girl is waiting for boy girl falls out of deep love. Because boy was not getting there quick enough apparently.but girl knew and was reassured by Boy thst he's getting there.. working really hard to get there actually.... now what does boy need to do ... they both know there's a foundation to build on they are a perfect couple together.. she still loves him.. but not as deeply.. and I might add she never really discussed her feelings about this falling out of deep love..with boy. which really irritates the hell out of the boy..lol..but now
He's crazy In love with her..
.. but now she doesn't really want to. Know about it.. or have him express it..
Or even talk about why things are the way they are.. at the moment.. it's a little more complicated than falling out..love.. at least boy thinks it is..hmmm.. mybe boy is overthinking this... but honestly something doesn't quite feel right...to boy.. he knows there's some unresolved baggage girl has not dealt with from past relationships... that might be preventing her form.. truly loving him. Maybe Commitment issues.. and All the classic things people go through when they realize that they're in deep love.now boy.. is looking at girl wondering..hmmm... can I be in a relationship with somebody that doesn't want to deal with their stuff..
Now boy sits and waits for girl to decide if she wants to love him maybe deal with some issues.. because boy wants to be in a functioning relationship.. he knows he can probably win her love back.. but now he's questioning..hmmm.. if she's not willing to work on issues.. like a real couple does..then why is boy hanging on so hard..hmmmm... I guess because he really realized he truly loves her so deeply and she's worth working out anything for... girl loves boy but isn't sure if she wants to deal with her past..are can ..which makes boy question..
Her love for him.. even at this level...
Thinks girl just loves the idea of being in love.. because once it gets a little too real..she freaks out and looks for any excuse... not to talk about anything deep..hmm.. exhibits classic avoidance techniques..hmm.. Boys in some deep trouble now..lol.. oh my God being in love with somebody .. that has issues unresolved really sucks.. but what's boy going to do he loves her.. and only wants to help her and him work through the issues so they can get back to being that great couple again.. but better...
Mybe girl is.. scared of being in love..
Hmmm... because when she think she's losing him that's what she really shows it..her love for him.. but boy does not want to do that anymore he wants to work it out... how does he get a girl to sit down at the table with him.. without making her feel like he's beating her up . About the unresolved issues.. that are causing problems in the relationship now..hmm.. any advice except run away from each other would be appreciated..lol

Uhm... what. I did not understand any of this. If you are wanting advice, I can't give any.

love aint real. it never lasrs

..I know..But I just love being in love..lol..wink..

TRY the FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS first before,
DIVING in a pile of LOVE BEING IN LOVE

See if it works. , Wrong advice.

I personally need a stiff drink after reading this.
I think if I was boy or girl in this situation
And I wanted it to work. I would ask for relationship counseling since I think they BOTH need to learn how to communicate with each other!

If "both" aren't willing to be honest with each other I would cut bait.

LOL, Rains I'm way ahead of ya...

Excellent advice

Based on the example given, nothing.

The example isn't really an example of love only the flaws of communication.

When people feel "true" emotions they are compelled to communicate them.
Organically, or inorganically.
When you stub your toe and feel pain, you wince, you cry out, you yell, you swear, you limp more than you need to.
When you're cold, you shiver.
When you're hungry, your stomach growls.
When sad, you frown.
When angry, you growl.
When frustrated, you get sarcastic.

This is all communication.

Emotions cause stressors, positive or negative. These "force" you to do something to alleviate them. To reduce stress, to return your brain to a less agitated state.


When you have feelings you generally need them validated, you need reciprocal communication.
That's why laughter is infectious, that's why when you yawn, someone watching you yawns too. When you put your arms up for a hug, so do they. When someone sticks their hand out for a handshake you automatically respond the same way.
They require a response.

This can be confusing in relationships.

When one person feels love, they are compelled to communicate it.
They say "I love you," or they buy presents, or they act all happy, or horny. The communication itself relieves the stressors.

When one person feels infatuation, feels insecurity, feels they aren't getting the feedback they need to validate their feelings, need to know "where they stand," they'll say "I love you," and judge you for your response, even though they will rationalize and delude themselves that "you don't have to say it back!"
The communication is only part of the process of relieving the stressors.

So

The only way this would happen, in actual practical reality, is if he feels he has to say "I love you" to her, or he's insecure in the relationship, feels it's "time" to say he loves her.
"Knows there's potential there...will get there..." is just rationalizing justification for hiding what's really going on deeper down.

"Love" is based on people motivated to procreate.
When the hormones don't end up in a baby, in order to justify continuing the relationship more socialized feelings need to take place of organic emotion.
Those require reciprocity.

Other than that:

You remember the things that originally facilitated the "deep love," figure out how your perspective and values of those things have changed, determine the current equivalents, and find what you can of those in your partner.

Otherwise, if you're the guy, you increase your testosterone, and start seeing your partner as the mother of the kids you want to have, the motivation being to have kids, not "save the relationship" or "bring back love."

Yeah....classes to be held at your local Strip Club, with guest instructor Ingrid....The Mistress of Pain.

Well
That's the whole thing if a person willing to communicate for whatever reason.. it makes it really hard to figure out what's going on or work things out.. communication is key..
And if that happens to be your flaw that's a big flaw..

Can't agree more.

ya ever think..you love what they provide for you
but tend to think of them as a kling-on whenever they express any needs
of their own?

that you love the idea of love
but not the day to day of it?


that you expect all but give only a very controlled amount of yourself in return?


if she jumped into this full force with arms opened wide
but sensed you were witholding..keeping her at arm's length
distancing yourself and only allowing yourself to feel
some affection, some attraction but that is all..


ya she gonna withdraw what she has invested

Deep Love?
Shallow Love?

Love is just love.
You either love someone or you don't.
They either love you or they don't.

Love and Lust go hand in hand.
Sometimes it can get blurred.


I think this is common when concerning online dating.
Not just the girl but for the boys as well.
It has to do with desires that can be potentially fulfilled by the other.


Again, works both ways.
I have experienced it.


Nobody can force love.
I can't make you love me.
If I love you it is something I feel not something you put inside me.
You can't give love as a gift
Love doesn't sit on a shelf in a bottle waiting to be given.


Boy and girl need to realize that right now, their relationship is friendship.



Treat her like a friend.
Stop trying to force love.
Boy needs to understand himself before he can understand Girl.
Boy needs to accept that Girl may not want the love Boy demonstrates.
Boy needs to accept that and celebrate the friendship.
If love really does exists it will manifest in both.

I dated a woman that was head over heels in love with me.
She proclaimed her love to me within the first 3 dates.
I couldn't reciprocate because I was not sure if I was feeling love or lust for her.
We stayed together as a couple for about a year.
During that time, I had feelings of love for her, still do.
We are good friends but it isn't really love in the romantic sense.
She realized, after a time, that what she thought was love for me was how I treated her like nobody else ever had.
She still offers to move in with me.

I can't force myself to love her the way she wants me to.
Its not shallow or deep love, it is just a different type of love that I feel for her. It is still love tho.

I have seen this happen in reverse as well. I thought a guy I went out with was moving way too fast and he wanted a committed relationship after the 2nd date. I finally started having genuine feelings toward him after a couple of months, but he had already started becoming less available. This caused the tables to turn with me chasing after him in a desperate attempt to have him reciprocate. Finally, when I went to his workplace to see why he wasn't answering his phone, he pretty much told me that he was not interested any longer. This all happened in just a very short amount of time, so, basically, I am going to conclude that overall, it was not the ideal beginning for a healthy relationship. In fact, I probably dodged a bullet in the long run. So, if this type of thing occurs in a situation that is long and drawn out over time, I would say that one or both are not in touch with their wants and needs, their feelings, and the trust and sharing about these things. All signs of either immaturity, lack of communication skills, maybe some narcissism in one or both, and any number of other things going on - like bad timing? If this happens quickly over time, then it wasn't healthy to begin with...otherwise, my question is, why does it have to be so hard....? lol

I can see why, You're fabulous!

Then work on your flaws and learn how to communicate. Grow some.
Then talk to her but don't make it about her issues. Talk about you, your relationship and your feelings for her. Express your concerns maybe, and take it from there. but you're not her counselor, nor should you try to be.
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.
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No.1 if I am reading this correctly or maybe understanding your thoughts in a different way then I apologize, but I see nothing wrong with you being experienced in love and life taking a little while before you settle into a deep love.Why the rush? If it's true love she needs some patience. You work hard and long hours and also have children in your life who need your attention also. That is a lot to juggle, also the real test of true love is when the initial infatuation wears off. It is obvious that you have feelings with this woman you describe in this scenario, maybe you need to drop your forcefield a bit and let this women in before it's too late. it's a double edged sword Either way but really isn't that what love really is? I hope it works out for you my friend.

Hi Doc.

We all have flaws or unresolved issues that sabotage the serenity of our relationships. You may be strong in the areas that she is weak in , but you can be sure that you also have weaknesses or unresolved issues of your own that deeply impact her feelings and the relationship. If you haven't figured out by now what your weaknesses are, ask her or one of your ex girlfriends, and they will be all too happy to enlighten you.

Don't you think it might be more effective to work on YOUR shortcomings and actively become the change that you wish to see in her ? Isn't that a more inspiring catalyst to activating change in her, rather than trying to morph her into the shape you desire?

And who knows? She might be more receptive to have that talk you want have with her about HER issues , after she sees you actively working on your own.

falling deeply in love takes time.. as does falling out of love. You don't fall out of deep love quickly.


And I really don't know if falling back into that deep love can happen, once it is gone