Specifically, what do you consider to be a match with someone?

I know matching can be complex or simple.
Desperation can reduce the match qualification over time.
Loneliness can open matches that were never before considered.

If you were to narrow down the qualifications for a match with you what would be the most important qualities that must be met?

In my own simple words without being too philosophical.

Personally I can only guess that she may be a match,
but that needs time to be sure.

3 basic rules apply for me..1-Chemistry, 2-Compatibility, 3-Receptivity.

CHEMISTRY - WHEN I NEVER HAVE ENOUGH OF CHATTING WITH HER.

COMPATIBILITY - WHEN I FEEL I MISS HER IF SHE IS NOT ONLINE.

RECEPTIVITY - WHEN I KNOW I NEED HER KIND OF PERSONALITY if/or WITH OTHERS ONLINE.

Last, I can say this..I'M NOT FUSSY, but I need that VIBES CONTACT.

narrowing it down is hard,,lol

it would HAVE to be someone who is Christian

it would HAVE to be a male who has experience with and loves children

it would HAVE to be someone who I could trust and respect

it would HAVE to be someone with a humble heart but confident swag


,,

I agree it is very hard.

I have found that some of my time at online dating sites has been wasted because I really didn't fully understand what my match would be.

I was hoping that I would know it if I saw it but that hasn't been working.

I did a lot of soul searching and I think...I think I have it narrowed down but I would like to see what others say to see if I am over-thinking it or under-thinking it.

Thanx for the inspiration.

I agree with #1 Chemistry
#2 Compatible
#3 Emotional connection


All factors in starting a relationship.

Hmmm.. I used to know the answer to that .. question ...until i met her..
Now all I do is look for her..
In every person I talk to ..

I know it's sad really...
Because when I met her I can't remember what drew me to her...
At first.....
But I do know this !..the conversation has to flow easily... there must be give and take.. there must be playfulness..
There must be a little naughtiness..
Then there must be real honest communication....

So that is what I Hold On To Know..
That connection... I am trying hard not to look for her in them.... and everyday .. I begin to see them, rather than her...

Sometimes the standards a person wants may not all be present so he/she just have to make adjustments or take a step forward to find possible solutions to make it happen. Every person has different standards but if you feel happy with the person I think that is all that matters and try to just progress as you go through life together.

(1) Female
(2) Breathing

I kid, I kid... yeah, difficult question and one I haven't concretely defined to myself ... yet.

I really wish I could just come out and say what a match for me would be.

I know Chemistry, would be a requirement.

I know Communication, would be a requirement.

I know when the match strikes, there will be a . So maybe she will have to bring some Phosphorous to mix with my Sulfur for that ignition.

Be ready with a fire extinguisher as well...you'll never know when it gets out of hand .... it might help save the bills...

I don't.
I would never say someone was my "match," or consider someone a match, or consider the term "match" as it relates to a date or potential date.

The only time I would use the concept would be to use a shortcut towards someone I didn't know and didn't care about and wanted to just answer a question so they'd go away.
"Yep, we're a match. Yep, she's my match. Yep, we're a great match."

For me the term has no relevance towards someone I'm dating, only a means to facilitate communication to someone I'm not, that's observing me dating, outside the dating relationship.

Then it becomes more of "what's the least I can say to mollify this person in a civilized way." Becomes more about the person I'm talking to, rather than the person I'm talking about.



Not really.
The difficult part is having an extensive enough vocabulary to compensate for adaptability and compromise, as well as ideas that might not paint you (general you, not you specific) in an unflattering light.



IMO the "problem" is the desire and effort to "narrow it down."
People constantly seek shortcuts, to winnow down to the "basics."
That's just labeling people and seeking shortcuts.

When people do that, when they try to fill in the box they've labeled "match," they ultimately objectify people, start seeing people as a modular system, where they can pick and choose traits, see them as separate and not interconnected.

They come up with shortcuts like "chemistry" and define what that "should" be, they come up with words like "communication" and then try to shortcut that into even easier concepts, further reducing people, what they do, who they are.

Then 1 of 2 things happen.
1. They have a "match" box that no one can live up to, an unrealistic Frankenstein monster (and it can be argued maybe what they really wanted all along as a means to avoid a relationship).
2. They've become so vague in what they've filled into their "match" box that anyone can fit into it while everyone can be rejected from it, so "matches" never work out for very long, and the constant failure leads to ever growing insecurities.

"Match" is just another word for "forming preconceived ideas of how things should go rather than put in the effort to see things as they are and what that means."

So, personally, I don't "consider a match." I don't try to do that to people I want to date.
For dating I'd rather not be hampered by ideas of who I wish they were, nor have my ideas of who I wish people would be, to interfere with me seeing who they are.

I knew it, that blah blah blah eventually
it will arrive, it will happen,
and I will see it or read it..Awww ...L.M.B.O

WELCOME PROFESSOR ...Of what ?..Blah blah blah

sometimes he does make sense... I used to be in awe.. how clever I thought.

Now, about those penguins.. lemme think about it.

*************************************************

Sometimes, RARELY..Mostly a LOTS OF NEGATIVE/OPPOSITE league of OWN

Okay, now about those penguins...YES, they do have knees, I have seen the x-rays at one of our rescue shelters in Sydney

I volunteer sometimes at our Far Out West Country wild animals rescue shelter

ciretom, I tend to agree with what you are saying fot the most part, but M2 relies on the 'Match' to bring people together. Thus, 'Match' is the term that most people here refer to when considering a decision on whether or not to get to know someone.

I am certain that you do not see each and every person you have ever met or ever will meet as a possible date. Therefore, you have created a match scenario no matter if you believe in the concept or not.

We form preconceptions about all the people we meet. Most of those preconceptions are based on our own experiences and our wisdom allows us to classify them as to worthy or unworthy of a relationship. Those that are deemed worthy 'Match' our stipluations of what we desire. If we embrace all people as to their own nature and make no judgements or classifications we put our lives in danger.

My reason for this topic is because what you describe happens frequently...



I call this "Shooting Oneself in the Foot".

Many people I have read about in their profiles self-defeat themselves. They pass by perspective people because something doesn't exactly match their expectation.

In essence there is merit to your statement...



In application it is requiring that you 'not be hampered' and that nothing can interfere with your perception. Those are two matches right there. The use of "Rather" indicates a choice that is a factor. The match is "not be hampered by ideas". If you are hampered by ideas of who you wish they were then it is not a match. A match selection is defined, considered and acted upon.

Taking the definitive of the term match out of the question and allowing the common use of the idea to be considered the original topic stands.


This is intended as a layered question.

> I am asking others what specific things they consider a match to be when the find a perspective candidate?
> I am also asking them to consider if they know exactly what their idea of a match really is?

The answers to that question can help people realize if they would recognize a match if they saw it.
It also may help others to evaluate what is important to them and seek those qualities.



This is not a quest for the top 5 answers across the board. Although, it is interesting and helpful to read what people list.

The intent of that question is for people to realize that they may have too many boxes required to be checked to qualify as a match.

If you have 10 things that you consider to be a perfect match and you list them in order of importance there will be one item that you feel must be number one. As you get to number 10 the order becomes less important. All 10 might be important to you but number 1 is the most important and 2 is the next most important. If you meet someone that satisfies your top 3 or 5 choices is number 8 or 10 so critical to your decision that it must be met?
Or, are you flexible?

Some people set their match requirements with a long list of boxes to be checked and if any one box cannot be checked they remove that candidate from the possibles.

By asking which boxes must be checked every single time it does a multiple task.
> It tells me what qualities most people seek as mandatory and allows me to examine myself to see if I have those qualities as well.
> It allows people to think about what is really important to them. This forces them to examine their choices and understand themselves better.
> It identifies qualities that are important to my potential interests that are in alignment with my own. Thus narrowing down my search parameters.

I'm a visual person so he has to be the most handsome guy TO ME.. what is attractive to me, may not be attractive to others. Attractiveness is subjective.

We must be able to meet in person to see if we have chemistry. He could have all the attributes of a good match on paper but if there is no chemistry between us when we meet then there would be no second date.

Sense of humour is important to me.. I don't want someone who is always serious but I also don't want someone who is clownish. Our sense of humour should be on the same page.

I'm comfortable, happy and content living alone with my cat Pumpkin.. so I have the luxury of waiting for the perfect guy.. he might not be perfect for everyone but he would be FOR ME.

I know and I know you know and even my cat and my neighbour's dog know that I am not getting any younger but until I find my perfect guy, I'll wait. He could just be lost somewhere. Hey you, I'm here!!!!

Best wishes to all you wonderful Minglers

Cute Thread-Hijacking
Have you seen Farce of the Penguins? - Watch it with mood enhancement for the best results.



Directed by Bod Saget and Stars the voices of Abe Vigoda, Alyson Hannigan, Bob Saget, Brie Larson, Carlos Mencia, Christina Applegate, Cliff Dorfman, Damon Wayans, Dane Cook, Dave Coulier, David Koechner, David Michie, Drea de Matteo, Gilbert Gottfried, Harvey Fierstein, James Belushi, Jamie Kennedy, Jason Alexander, Jason Biggs, Jodie Sweetin, John Stamos, Jon Lovitz, Jonathan Katz, Jonathan Silverman, Lewis Black, Lori Loughlin, Mario Cantone, Mo'Nique, Norm Crosby, Norm MacDonald, Samuel L Jackson, Scott Weinger, Tracy Morgan, Vanessa Lee Evigan & Whoopi Goldberg.

In short: an empowered masculine energy man

- same age - max 5 yrs older
- no young kids (up to 18 yrs = absolute no go)
- Taller than me
- gotten over past relationships and chit
- able and willing to work through (past) chit if it comes up
- able to communicate in healthy way
- able and willing to commit
- not religious
- open minded (as in, eager to learn new things, not (too) judgemental)
- not a dare-devil / major risk-taker
- has something going for himself in life
- has male friends
- employed
- healthy view regarding men & women
- healthy sex drive
- Not fat (sorry, just don't do it for me)
- No mustache or beard
- stronger than me otherwise I walk all over him cos I'm strong myself If I can't look up to a man, we got a problem...
- matching sense of humour
- creative in some sense or other (creative ppl have a typical mindset, I need that)
- energetically a tad more calm/tranquil than me otherwise we be bouncing off the walls 24/7

Ultimately isn't that why we are all here?

IMO someone that is definitive in their requirements for a match fully understands themselves and their desires.

Finding a match should be a stingy thing. It should be as precise as possible if you understand yourself. You are looking to fulfill your own desires.

It is also important to be flexible. If a match happens right now or in 2 minutes or 2 weeks it is not a problem but if it is a a wait of 2 decades and you never change your match expectations isn't that unfair to yourself?

Personally I am specific in my match requirements but as time passes they need to be reevaluated and re-prioritized.

Then I was 24 my match priorities were very different than they are now at 55 years. They are even slightly different that they were 6 years ago when I officially re-entered the dating pool.

Even now, I re-evaluate as I learn about all the different personalities and expectations of others. I learn things about myself by the interactions I have that changes what is really important to me. I gain wisdom from association and new experiences. Sometimes, what was important to me is no longer as important. While other things that were not as important are now more important.

I know that I must be flexible because some things that are important are not as important as other things. I understand that nobody can match my expectations or desires exactly. We are all different. I see someone that matches as close as possible and together we can find the equilibrium to have a meaningful relationship for both of us.

Great List and thanx for participating!

I know you have found your match because you have said so before.

Here is an example of a woman that understands herself and set her standards then recognized the right one when he came along.

I ask: Is there one or two items on your list that you feel have the most importance? What was it that initially allowed you to make your choice to find out if more of those matches were evident?

Edit to add: If you care to share that insight?