Trying to change another person is instant death for a relationship. But if you found someone you felt was incredible, would you be willing to change?

If so, what would you change? Why would you do it?

Finally, how do you think changing yourself would impact the relationship?


There are many things I would be willing to change, but only because I'm confident in my ability to adapt. However, most of those changes are dependent upon whether they bring me closer to being the man that *I* want to be, not my partner. That can be a double-edged sword. So I consider both sides first.

How about you?

Nothing much.
As it is, I am constantly working on self-growth & development as that's how I'm wired this life, and ties in with my work (coaching & teaching self-growth, development, self-love and so on).
If I'd have to change myself in order to keep a relationship and/or get a man then he isn't the right one for me.
Doesn't mean I'd find it easy to stick to my guns, but I've crossed my own boundaries way too many times in the past, and allowed others to do so too. I'm done with that.

So unless it's something simple that has nothing to do with me as a person and my personality, the things one could consider normal compromises when getting involved, then nope.
ANd normal compromises is for instance, making time in my life for a partner/relationship, slight changes in schedule and so on. But these things should flow naturally when you are a good match and compatible.

My marriage mainly failed, because the ex wife and her family demanded me to change, whereas she changed sweet eff all. If you love someone, then it should be with all good things and all flaws. And it should go both ways. Nobody is perfect. JMO

We live in a dynamic Universe.
Everything changes constantly.

When two people interact, they always change each other.
We might not realize it because the changes happen slowly, over time.
But change, is constant.

The difference is natural change vs forced change.
Nobody like to be forced to do anything.
We get the impression that we are either;
a) giving up our own power of choice
b) existing in a 'ruled' life

Some people want to be ruled, others want to rule.
In my opinion, a love relationship needs to be equal power.
Its a sharing of that power and acceptance of the changes that make both whole.
Its the transitioning of individual to pair.

Personally, I find that when I am with a partner, I see more clearly who it is I want to be. As a result, the things I've wanted to change become more focused, even if I've forgotten about them. That gives me greater motivation and incentive to make those changes.

But those changes always take into account my partner. Most things are not important enough to risk losing a good relationship. The changes I make are not just for my own benefit, but to enhance the relationship.

I'd be willing to change my location, how much I cook for dinner, my schedule to include someone else, I'd share the remote... sometimes, lol.,... The basic stuff that needs adjusting and changing when you enter into a relationship.

Being single you can pretty much do what you want and aren't accountable to anyone else in your personal life. That changes when you are in a relationship... at least needs to if you want a healthy relationship. So there are things that I would change, make compromises with, and even sacrifice to be with someone I love.

Things I would not change for someone are my values, my beliefs, my dignity... basically who I am as a person.

I may let her control the remote, if the game isn't on.

Good question action, I totally agree with this part of your post:

There are many things I would be willing to change, but only because I'm confident in my ability to adapt. However, most of those changes are dependent upon whether they bring me closer to being the man that *I* want to be, not my partner. That can be a double-edged sword. So I consider both sides first.



I would not change my core values, beliefs, and standards. But I would be willing to change certain habits or work on certain insecurities, if it, as you said, brought me closer to being the woman I want to be.

"I would not change my core values, beliefs, and standards."

Yep..
Yet so many guys want you to...*your* standards, beliefs, preferences don't matter....*theirs* do..

I don't get this....
Why wouldn't you *rather* have someone who doesn't have standards/ boundaries/ beliefs that are at odds with/ preclude you?
Wouldn't that just work better from the start?
Istead of asking someone woman to change because YOU think she is cute and she should give you a chance?

I wouldn't change who I am for anyone. They either love me or not.

not "I would love you more if you changed your views, feelings, etc"

If you are changing FOR someone, then you are changing for the wrong reasons, IMHO.

Change has to be something personal and heartfelt. If we reduce all motivations to their essence, they are all selfish in nature. So wanting to change has to come from an internal desire of self betterment.

The trick is make sure that the changes you make are appropriate to the life you want to live.

Wise words... I agree!

Valid point.
It is also true that we change unintentionally and without direction.
Sometimes without even realizing a change has occurred.
In subtle ways we are all different than we were a second ago and we will be different than we are now a second from now.
Those changes as themselves are insignificant but as time progresses they build up. Sometimes so subtly we don't realize it but someone else might.

This is why so many marital problems concern changing. Because, people change constantly.
The only way to NOT change is to freeze solid.

Changes have a scale from microscopic to megascale.
Sometimes we can direct the changes but more often we just change as we exist.
Its the nature of things to change.
When you are able to embrace change and adjust accordingly you find that existing gets much easier.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. About this whole changing how much you cook....less food is like instant death young lady. Keep on making those two pans of lasagna, those two pots of chili.....freezer's were invented to keep food.

I'd be willing to change but only for myself, to make myself a better person. I would not change just to impress the other person. If I changed or not I would still have to be myself and if that would not be good enough for the other person then they do not deserve me to begin with.

Aye aye captain

Absolutely nothing.

Im me, take me, love me, hate me, kill me... I'm me. We are compatible or not. Plain, simple.

This is only for a serious relationship... I can change to accommodate a friend for a bit though, not a lifetime.

I don't living with someone.

I might change my underware, if I wore them.