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| Topic: Oh those wretched questions! | |
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Obviously, men and women have very different things they want to find out about someone in that get acquainted stage. That is the time where we try to figure out if it is even worth our time to meet them. There is a huge difference between getting acquainted with someone on the internet and someone in real life. When I see you in the grocery store or mall and chat for a couple minutes, I get an impression of your lifestyle, how you dress, how you present yourself, how you speak and the language you use. Your mannerisms and body language tells a lot about you. On the internet, none of that information is available unless you put it in your profile or are willing to share that information in written conversation.
Personally, I'm not willing to spend several hours travel time to meet someone I have no idea if there is any possibility with. Been there, done that and it only took a couple minutes to know that she was of no interest to me. I'm sure we have all had meets and greets that went that way. |
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Some how I seem to meet some older women (50-70} that are the ones looking for that support. Some are divorced or widows and they had nothing other than what their husband brought in. Then there are those living on a small social security check and nothing more. Both of these are generally the ones who can't afford to do anything and expect the man to pay for everything. The last one was supposedly disabled and got a SS disability check, didn't drive, and lived in subsidized housing. I think she was in her early 60s. Aaaand...what's wrong with any of that? If someone *never* worked, because they were stay-at-home mothers (back when that was common)...there was no shame in it.. They got their husband Social Security when he died...and, if divorced..I *think* back in the day they could get alimony...or some type of spousal support. Those that live on their *own* Social Security check (from their own working for40 years)...God bless them if they can make ends meet and have *bit* of fun.... Why are you shaming them? "Both of these are generally the ones who can't afford to do anything and expect the man to pay for everything." Sure, they can't afford a cruise..or fancy dinners...but that doesn't mean they are a bad person and don't deserve love. I mean, fer christs sake, they aren't asking you to pay their electric and phone bill, so...what's the problem? They just need to find a man that values them, and their company..and isn't so concerned with their bank balance..... That man *clearly* isn't you. |
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Sun 12/02/18 10:24 AM
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Can you believe Aman woul send a woman a kick in the butt nudge for a first time contact.
How dumb is that !! What woman would care about responding to that !  All my meets from the internet went well, we enjoyed them because we had Dates, I already took the time to know them online and on the phone for weeks. This works for Me. My Online friends travel and I don't want to Waste any ones time ! |
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How do you deal with this? I tend to focus on more interesting conversation and getting off the internet as fast as possible, making these questions moot. You want to know my weight? Great, let's go to O'charleys and guess each others weight, the loser buys lunch. Do you answer such questions? Possibly. Depends on the context. Huge difference between getting an email out of the blue from some random stranger with one word on it like "weight?" and an ongoing conversation about making activity plans for something where weight is an issue. IMO/IME they're internet strangers until we meet. If the question they are asking can't really be used against me in any meaningful way (e.g. get me fired, lead to identity theft, lead to problems with my friends/family), and I want something from them (e.g. a date), then I would answer it/them, and it wouldn't really bother me. Judgments made by internet strangers have no value. There's no real relationship involved to give them value. There is no way to prove them valid, and no consequences to someone having/making them. Other than that, I have no onus or responsibility to answer in any way other than how I see fit for my own pleasure. |
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Edited by
I_love_bluegrass
on
Sun 12/02/18 02:46 PM
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So then, you would have no problem being involved with a man living in his parent's basement? He just needs to find a woman that values his company and is willing to share her home with him. For most of us older folk, the lifestyle we live now reflects the accomplishments of our life and the person we are. I have nothing against someone who worked hard all there life and has a limited income now as long as they manage their life and finances. It also isn't about cruises or fancy dinners!! She could at least buy a couple beers or lunch at KFC or McDonald's!!! Sweetie..I alrady covered men 50+ moving in with their parents to take care of one or the other so they don't need to be in a nursing home in another thread.. I don't understand your logic here.. What part of "as long as he has an income and is self-supporting..we're good." was unclear? I expect someone to be able to pay their rent/ mortgage, untlities, car insurance, and buy their groceries themselves... I do that, and expect nothing less.. You also back pedaled .. You *originaly* said: "Then there are those living on a small social security check and nothing more. Both of these are generally the ones who can't afford to do anything and expect the man to pay for everything." And *now* you say: "I have nothing against someone who worked hard all there life and has a limited income now as long as they manage their life and finances." I do NOT expect to be "wined and dined", or go on expensive dates, trips.. I also do NOT expect to be poor-shamed if I don't have enough money to pay my way for something the guy wants to do.. If he is truly interested in me, and likes my company, he wouldn't mind paying my way if it is something he knows is out of my budget. I wouldn't *ask* him to....but, if he volunteered.. I have covered friend's expenses on an outing occasionally back in the day....and they would sometimes cover mine...that's what friends do. Also? If the man makes/ has *way* more money than the woman..it's only decent that he chip in a bit more.. If *she* makes/ has WAY more money that he did...*she* should chip in a bit more... Botom line is..if a woman doesn't have enough income to suit you...that's fine...move along to someone else..that is you perogative. But don't be insulting, or disparage her character.. ("The last one was supposedly disabled and got a SS disability check, didn't drive, and lived in subsidized housing. I think she was in her early 60s.") Instead of being judgemental about people who are not as blessed financially as *you* are, you should instead thank whatever deity you believe in for your good fortune.. |
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So then, you would have no problem being involved with a man living in his parent's basement? He just needs to find a woman that values his company and is willing to share her home with him. For most of us older folk, the lifestyle we live now reflects the accomplishments of our life and the person we are. I have nothing against someone who worked hard all there life and has a limited income now as long as they manage their life and finances. It also isn't about cruises or fancy dinners!! She could at least buy a couple beers or lunch at KFC or McDonald's!!! Sweetie..I alrady covered men 50+ moving in with their parents to take care of one or the other so they don't need to be in a nursing home in another thread.. I don't understand your logic here.. What part of "as long as he has an income and is self-supporting..we're good." was unclear? I expect someone to be able to pay their rent/ mortgage, untlities, car insurance, and buy their groceries themselves... I do that, and expect nothing less.. You also back pedaled .. You *originaly* said: "Then there are those living on a small social security check and nothing more. Both of these are generally the ones who can't afford to do anything and expect the man to pay for everything." And *now* you say: "I have nothing against someone who worked hard all there life and has a limited income now as long as they manage their life and finances." I do NOT expect to be "wined and dined", or go on expensive dates, trips.. I also do NOT expect to be poor-shamed if I don't have enough money to pay my way for something the guy wants to do.. If he is truly interested in me, and likes my company, he wouldn't mind paying my way if it is something he knows is out of my budget. I wouldn't *ask* him to....but, if he volunteered.. I have covered friend's expenses on an outing occasionally back in the day....and they would sometimes cover mine...that's what friends do. Also? If the man makes/ has *way* more money than the woman..it's only decent that he chip in a bit more.. If *she* makes/ has WAY more money that he did...*she* should chip in a bit more... Botom line is..if a woman doesn't have enough income to suit you...that's fine...move along to someone else..that is you perogative. But don't be insulting, or disparage her character.. ("The last one was supposedly disabled and got a SS disability check, didn't drive, and lived in subsidized housing. I think she was in her early 60s.") Instead of being judgemental about people who are not as blessed financially as *you* are, you should instead thank whatever deity you believe in for your good fortune.. This is also my basic expectation: "as long as he has an income and is self-supporting..we're good." was unclear? I expect someone to be able to pay their rent/ mortgage, untlities, car insurance, and buy their groceries themselves... I do that, and expect nothing less.. Another example to help, I invite you to dinner - that in the wording indicates I'm picking up the tab. You might offer to cover the tip or offer to buy an after dinner drink. I expect you to at least offer some token of your contribution to the evening regularly. |
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So then, you would have no problem being involved with a man living in his parent's basement? He just needs to find a woman that values his company and is willing to share her home with him. For most of us older folk, the lifestyle we live now reflects the accomplishments of our life and the person we are. I have nothing against someone who worked hard all there life and has a limited income now as long as they manage their life and finances. It also isn't about cruises or fancy dinners!! She could at least buy a couple beers or lunch at KFC or McDonald's!!! Sweetie..I alrady covered men 50+ moving in with their parents to take care of one or the other so they don't need to be in a nursing home in another thread.. I don't understand your logic here.. What part of "as long as he has an income and is self-supporting..we're good." was unclear? I expect someone to be able to pay their rent/ mortgage, untlities, car insurance, and buy their groceries themselves... I do that, and expect nothing less.. You also back pedaled .. You *originaly* said: "Then there are those living on a small social security check and nothing more. Both of these are generally the ones who can't afford to do anything and expect the man to pay for everything." And *now* you say: "I have nothing against someone who worked hard all there life and has a limited income now as long as they manage their life and finances." I do NOT expect to be "wined and dined", or go on expensive dates, trips.. I also do NOT expect to be poor-shamed if I don't have enough money to pay my way for something the guy wants to do.. If he is truly interested in me, and likes my company, he wouldn't mind paying my way if it is something he knows is out of my budget. I wouldn't *ask* him to....but, if he volunteered.. I have covered friend's expenses on an outing occasionally back in the day....and they would sometimes cover mine...that's what friends do. Also? If the man makes/ has *way* more money than the woman..it's only decent that he chip in a bit more.. If *she* makes/ has WAY more money that he did...*she* should chip in a bit more... Botom line is..if a woman doesn't have enough income to suit you...that's fine...move along to someone else..that is you perogative. But don't be insulting, or disparage her character.. ("The last one was supposedly disabled and got a SS disability check, didn't drive, and lived in subsidized housing. I think she was in her early 60s.") Instead of being judgemental about people who are not as blessed financially as *you* are, you should instead thank whatever deity you believe in for your good fortune.. This is also my basic expectation: "as long as he has an income and is self-supporting..we're good." was unclear? I expect someone to be able to pay their rent/ mortgage, untlities, car insurance, and buy their groceries themselves... I do that, and expect nothing less.. Another example to help, I invite you to dinner - that in the wording indicates I'm picking up the tab. You might offer to cover the tip or offer to buy an after dinner drink. I expect you to at least offer some token of your contribution to the evening regularly. I can understand your thinking. Thing is, these specific expectations are not good fodder for an opening contact where the 'date' hasn't even been established. Online, we either have talking points from reading and digesting someone's actual profile or we have nothing when the profile is blank or incomplete. Just because you see a profile on the internet doesn't give you the 'right' to assume anything but what is offered. Once some kind of interpersonal relationship is established, conversations might swing around to specific questions and answers but nothing is a given. Even then, till you actually meet and establish a mutual intrerest. Initial contact or the first few interactions does not constitute a mutual interest. Ya gotta use the tool as it is designed and stop expecting others to fit your preferences. The tool allows you to meet a potential match and it is both of you that determines if that match is going to happen. When I sent out messages to potential matches I expected nothing. I got what I expected most of the time so no harm done. The few times a connection was established (mutual interaction showing interest) it was a slow process but pretty exact in nature. When you meet someone in person for the first time its a whole different ballgame. |
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